Christmas season eating tips!!

Pherekydes

Christmas season Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports
car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO what a ride!'"

Basq

Slow coach wrote:

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

** snigger **

That line cracked me up... sounds like Lorraine Kelly (or Herr K)!

Heyes

Pure quality, slow coach

biko

Slow coach wrote:

8. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Labor Day, in Dublin?

Pherekydes

It's plagiarised from an American site, ok?

admiralofthefleet

fits my life perfectly, do you know me slow coach?

Caco

Slow coach wrote:

It's plagiarised from an American site, ok?

Was thinkin that! Why dont we get egg nog over here?!

Hagar

Warniks Advocat is egg nog, isn't it?

Archeron

Slow coach wrote:

.


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO what a ride!'"

Brilliant, thats the funniest thing I've read all week.

I'm soo hungry

Rabies

coolsmileygirl wrote:

I'm soo hungry

Go eat a starving kid. Less fat on them.

connundrum

I really want to try eggnog now.. although where does the alcohol get added?

Taken from cooks.com

EGGNOG

2 c. cold milk
2 eggs
4 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
Ground nutmeg

Put all ingredients except nutmeg into blender container in order listed. Cover, blend at low speed until smooth. Pour into serving glasses. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Creamy Eggnog: Add 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream to ingredients.

I absolutely love the post Christmas dinner nap - those 2-3 hours are the best ever

Pherekydes

connundrum wrote:

EGGNOG

2 c. cold milk
2 eggs
4 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
Ground nutmeg

We used to call it egg flip when I was young (Any other old Dubs here?)

I must try that recipe this Christmas, looks yummy, but where's the alcohol?



Edited to add: I see connundrum mentioned Alcohol first.

connundrum

Slow coach wrote:

Edited to add: I see connundrum mentioned Alcohol first.

I have a problem y'see

Beetlebum

A few additional rules to keep in mind...

11) If you're offered coffee be sure to make it Irish everytime. It may be worth investing in a hipflask in case you're invited to some boring non-drinking relatives house for coffee and fruitcake (as mentioned before, decline the fruitcake)

12) Never ever offer to help with the washing up, I can't stress this enough. I know it's the season of goodwill an all but that's just asking too much. Leave it to the sucker who cooked the entire meal as they're already in working mode.

13) Miseltoe - self explanatory.

14) Go visit Santas Grotto in Clearys dressed in child like dungarees and ear muffs. Cry and stamp your feet if you don't get a cool present.

15) After dinner is the perfect time to deliver any bad news you have to someone, be it breaking up with your boyfriend, telling your parents your gay, or telling your auntie that your uncles a perv. Everyone will be too fat and full to care and you'll have a clear conscience.