"too available"?

LegacyUser

Just wondering what others think of this. Is it off putting for someone if the other is "too available"? i.e always replying to their texts, always available to meet up, etc. I'm not really into playing games but unfortunately the above seems to be whats happening at the moment. Now I haven't much experience in relationships (late teens) but I really like this guy and so how could I overcome this in order to keep him interested? Is it a case of less is more?

Nevyn

You still have to live your own life and do things that you would normally do and not drop your friends.

I would suggest fitting him into your lofe rather then re aranging your life around seeing him.

ferdi

agree with above, a guy is not just for christmas - you need to fit him into your life in a managable way

Blogard

Might as well tell you from a blokes point of view.

Yea it does no harm to keep him guessing if you like him or not. Its no bother to txt back. Just not always straight away and dont end every txt with a question because that can be annoying. Blokes do lose interest in a lot of cases if they thing they can have you if they want (an I dont mean in a rude way missis).

Black Swan

Everyone is unique and different OP. For some, you might be too available, while for others, not available enough. I like being playful, but that's different from playing games with someone's head (and heart). Be true to yourself. Being that way may not work for some people, but that brings to mind an old song my Da used to play when I was little. One of the lyrics still sticks in my head. "If ya don't happen to like me, pass me by..."

Jonny Arson

female123 wrote:

Just wondering what others think of this. Is it off putting for someone if the other is "too available"? i.e always replying to their texts, always available to meet up, etc. I'm not really into playing games but unfortunately the above seems to be whats happening at the moment. Now I haven't much experience in relationships (late teens) but I really like this guy and so how could I overcome this in order to keep him interested? Is it a case of less is more?

I've been in a similar position (am in a similar position as you now but i'm male) and I say just be who you are and don't act any differently than what you are now. I have a great fear that I come across as ''too available'' but at the end of the day if I show no interest I get nowhere. Playing games often works out been more messy than not playing games, what's the point in it? If he likes you, he'll like you and he'll respond if he does. Don't revolve your life around him, you come first but be yourself. Dont kill yourself making an effort but dont get into the games habit. Finding the right balance is the key!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses everyone

In IRL

Female123

A lot of the blokes here on the board seem to like girls to play mind games with them.

Just to let you know that there are guys who like straightforward girls :eek:

I like girls who will show interest if they are interested in me, and text back right away. My view of a girlfriend is a friend whom I have romantic and sexual interest in.

You text back straightaway to your female friends don't you? Why should it be any different because this is a bloke?

It's a matter of finding out what type of bloke your guy is. And you do this by talking with him

In IRL

Mighty_Mouse

You just got to let the bloke chase a little. Give out enough to show you're interested and then let him chase.

Its not games, just the way we're built I think.

Also every bloke I know goes through the first 25 years of their life petrified of relationships and getting "trapped" early.

Sad, I know

Drift

In IRL wrote:

Just to let you know that there are guys who like straightforward girls :eek:


You text back straightaway to your female friends don't you? Why should it be any different because this is a bloke?

I second the motion.

I'm the type of guy that when I get a text message / email / phone message that needs a reply I reply to it there and then unless I'm in the middle of something. I don't stop to think "Maybe I should wait a while to ensure that the other person is fretting and worrying and thinking about me." Just not into games ..... whats the point in playing around with other peoples feelings?

Anyway just wanted to give you my perspective OP. I wouldn't think you were "too available". I'd think you were a nice person who replies to my texts promptly and therefore might be interested in me. And also that you're mature enough to be above childish games.

upthere

Only if you are both close and actually are interested to read each others text. Nothing as bad as having to resort to "i hope the weather is better 2mrw, today was sh*te". cant stand that. then i have to say something like the car is got a flat tire!"

Sinfonia

i don't think being available is a problem, replying straight away to texts etc.
i think that's fine.
but i don't think it's good if you're always texting them or being forward in general. that's been my experience anyway:o

upthere

What happened to not being uptight about text messages. personally i dont give a sh(te if I look desperate or not. Normally people misread me anyway!

sunnyjim

In response to this 'too available' thing...

In my opinion, too available makes things happen too quick - and then end too quick. Thats what I observe from happenings amongst myself and my friends.

Alter-Ego

Me, i'm the opposite. If i think somebody is acting uninterested then i just lose interest in them.

Dont play games because things get messy and it gets you nowhere.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to hold back so you don't come across as a bunny boiler type. Desperate women are scary and unattractive.

Dors1976

I agree with Alter-Ego. Also if you hold back a little it might keep him interested!;)

TerrorFirmer

Alter-Ego wrote:

Me, i'm the opposite. If i think somebody is acting uninterested then i just lose interest in them.

Dont play games because things get messy and it gets you nowhere.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to hold back so you don't come across as a bunny boiler type. Desperate women are scary and unattractive.

Exactly. To be honest, this whole thing about appearing 'casual' does you no favours other then perhaps convince the other person you're not really into them. No need to be overdoing it either, but do whatever you're comfortable with rather then try and act out some silly chasing game that you yourself aren't even sure why you are doing so.

Mojito

Alter-Ego wrote:

Me, i'm the opposite. If i think somebody is acting uninterested then i just lose interest in them.

Dont play games because things get messy and it gets you nowhere.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to hold back so you don't come across as a bunny boiler type. Desperate women are scary and unattractive.

Me too!

Glad to see there's others who think this way.

LegacyUser

I guess all guys are different. Some people seem to like having to chase a bit.

Personally, I hate that crap. If someone acts like they're not that interested, I'll take it that they're not that interested. Having made a fool of myself enough over the years, I'm really not that inclined to put myself on the line.

If I want someone, having them reciprocate is hardly going make me want them less. If they respond with disinterest, I'm gone.

mloc

All guys and all relationships are different.

If something is going on for a while, I like a girl to be upfront and straightforward with me. If she's not texting me back for the sake of not texting me back, or trying some other kinda childish games, I would imagine my gameplaying would escalate pretty quickly...

...like her best mate not texting her back because shes in bed with me... checkmate!

Ah no but seriously, at the start of a relationship I like the whole game playing thing. It's fun, makes it exciting. But as a relationship grows I think trust and understanding (ooooh cliched) need to play a bigger part and if you're a year or two into a serious relationship and are still playing games, that wouldn't really work with me.