jump back on the saddle???

littlesurfer

broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks and i'm having trouble getting past it. I spent my lunch break in the toilet today because he text me asking was i okay. i'm usually a stable person but finding this so difficult even though i don't want to get back together with this guy....i'm still in love with him but i know its not a healthy relationship.

The thing is loads of people keep telling me to get out there and start going on dates...i've had a few offers since we split....

Others say just give myself time and space.

However time and space is driving me demented....

I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on the best way to get on with life....jump back on the horse or lay low.....

Eggonaspoon

It’s been only two weeks. You might not want to hear this but it will usually take a lot longer to get over someone. I know you want to get over it as quickly as possible but I don’t think it is the best idea to start dating already. You’re obviously not in a good place right now so maybe you should start focussing your energy on yourself. Seriously, two weeks is nothing!
Take some time to feel sorry for yourself, cry all you want and stuff. At least that way you’re dealing with it properly so it won’t come biting you in the @rse later on.

LegacyUser

Well you're only broken up with him two weeks, personally i would find it hard to go on a date with someone. but if the offer is there, go for it.
you need to just remember how you were before you were with him, how you didn't need him, you were fine. spend loads of time with your friends. or emmerse yourself into a hobby you have or into your job to take your mind of things. don't contact him as hard as it is.

when my boyfriend broke up with me, for about a month i couldn't stop thinking about him, calling him, basically just annoying him! but then i was out and i kissed another guy and i completely forgot about my ex.
there is this crude saying "the only way to get over a guy is to get under another" i'm not saying go sleep around but thinking about someone else might really help you also when you first meet someone you'll get all excited, i completely forgot what that was like!

littlesurfer

we were together two years and broke up once before. i cried for weeks,....i'm not going to do that this time....

bug

Different people handle things in different ways.
If you have decided that you definitely don't want him in your life then no contact is the way to go.
Perhaps change your number? No text messages mean no sitting in toilets.
As for what to do, keep yourself busy, whatever that is.
You've decisively said that you don't want to be with him, so its time to look after yourself and do whatever it takes to make you happy and relaxed.
If that means going on dates then go.
Best of luck whatever you do. No one should sit in a toilet.

Ruu_Old

Make sure its a clean break and as mentioned, make no contact your ex. Now might be time for a change of scenery. Get away for a while perhaps.

Black Swan

Hi littlesurfer!
Grab your board, passport, and credit card and come to Southern California for a clean break during the holidays. It's warm, sunny, with nice refreshing breezes off the Pacific, and the waves at The Wedge off Newport Beach harbour are bitchin! There's a University of California close by with 30,000 students, half of them single guys. You could get by in jeans, Ts, a sweat shirt, trainers, a two piece (and a vest for late day surfing). It's tourist off-season, so motels on Newport Blvd. are cheap, and you can fly into John Wayne airport almost walking distance away from the curls.

Kell

littlesurfer wrote:

However time and space is driving me demented....

Better that you are aware of the issues in your face than date someone else and have this constant nagging in the back of your head that theres something you havent quite dealt with.

With him for 2yrs? Give yourself at least a year of being single. Thats not to say dont have flings dates etc, just make sure you stay single.

K-

Caliden

Cut your contact with him and keep yourself busy, i.e. go out with friends a bit more, join a club.
Just keep doing stuff do you don't have time to think.

Mighty_Mouse

As said. Step 1: Cut the contact.

Only when the contact has ended can you really start to grieve losing somebody.

littlesurfer

its so hard to cut contact with someone who filled so much space in your life... I don't want a new relationship...or the old one...

Blue Lagoon i might take your advice...water always helps.

is it not possible at all to maintain a friendship with someone after you break up....i have not stayed friends with any of my ex boyfriends but i want this one as my friend....how do i do that without hurting myself more now?

The_B_Man

i still keep in contact wit all my ex's and we're good friends. it doesnt matter what u do, keep in contact/dont keep in contact, fact is that only time will get u over it. that and not talking about ur relationship wit the ex. talk about home & away or sum crap, but just not ur relationship. then wait...

Mighty_Mouse

It matters when one party still wants the relationship.

Communication is impossible in this circumstance

i have not stayed friends with any of my ex boyfriends but i want this one as my friend....how do i do that without hurting myself more now?

Impossible. end of.

littlesurfer

ouch

cornbb

Edit: sorry, editing this cause I think I misunderstood Mighty_Mouse

littlesurfer wrote:

its so hard to cut contact with someone who filled so much space in your life...

very true

is it not possible at all to maintain a friendship with someone after you break up....i have not stayed friends with any of my ex boyfriends but i want this one as my friend....how do i do that without hurting myself more now?

It is absolutely possible and can be very fulfilling if you pull it off. There has to be genuine platonic friendship on both sides which follows a painful healing process which may or may not take a long time. I'm friends with several ex girlfriends (or at least acquaintances on very good terms). The girl I broke up with a month ago is not speaking to me now, which sucks ass and wrecks my head, but I'm optimistic about the future. Chin up girl.

Dors1976

If you recognise that it is not a healthy relationship then do cut contact - it is very hard but change your number and ask people not to pass it on.

Also in a way it is a good time of year to be single with so many parties and people contacting old friends that in no time at all you will be ok.

It is a pain but time really is a healer. I was in a bad relationship for 5 years and we broke up in 2000 and kept contact for 6 more years and only now I realise that was a total waste of time and energy I should have changed my number and moved on - I hope you can.