gf bisexuality

dirtyboy

Hi guys, im new to the thread but you seem a like a friendly bunch. Basically my problem revolves around the fact that my girlfriend told me last week that she is bisexual. i have no problem with this as i have lots of lesbian friends. my problem concerns the fact that now she has also told me that she has become friends with another bi couple (male and female) and she would feel more comfortable exploring her sexuality with me present. When i pushed her on the issue she said would like us to have group sex with this couple. Now im a fairly liberal guy when it comes to sex but im not attracted to men and certainnly wouldnt even want another man watching me having sex let alone doing anything with him.my gf thinks im unreasonable and if ireally loved her i would do this for her. i offered to comprimise and allow the girl join us but not the man. i love my gf. weve been together 2 years and we are both 25

ferdi

your gf says that if you really love her you will have sex with a man? - what a horrible thing to say

my first reaction: dump that crazy bitch

sorry but there's no way, i'm open minded enough but i'm straight and i honestly dont think i could 'maintain interest' in the situation if another dude was present.

here's something i've often wondered about - can a bi person ever be truely satisfied and completed by one partner? your gf as a bi girl will surely always be missing out on part of her sexuality if she remains faithful to you, wont she?

Owen

You have to ask yourself, why she wants to explore a group scenario with another man present. With a girl, perhaps, she just wants to try something different, but with a man? Ask her what she wants to play with - male or female. If it's female, and she's just asking the couple because it's the easy option to sleep with a girl, then you can explore other means of achieving the same goal. If it's an objective to sleep with this other guy too, then you've issues.

Nalz

a can of wiggley worms has jsut opened my friend, and they are too slippy to pick up and put back.


get out of town IMO...if you dont dig that shít, then you dont dig that shít

Vegeta

ned78 wrote:

You have to ask yourself, why she wants to explore a group scenario with another man present. With a girl, perhaps, she just wants to try something different, but with a man? Ask her what she wants to play with - male or female. If it's female, and she's just asking the couple because it's the easy option to sleep with a girl, then you can explore other means of achieving the same goal. If it's an objective to sleep with this other guy too, then you've issues.

spot on

LegacyUser

'As meatloaf said: " I would do anything for love, but i wont do that"'

Faith

ned78 wrote:

You have to ask yourself, why she wants to explore a group scenario with another man present. With a girl, perhaps, she just wants to try something different, but with a man? Ask her what she wants to play with - male or female. If it's female, and she's just asking the couple because it's the easy option to sleep with a girl, then you can explore other means of achieving the same goal. If it's an objective to sleep with this other guy too, then you've issues.

Exactly.

If your compromise of just the girl joining don't assuage her, then you've got a problem!

Dragan

To be honest, anyone who plays the "if you loved me card" needs a slap. The turnaround of "if you loved me then you wouldn't ask me" is just as valid, but it's pointless. If your not into it then don't do it dude, no matter what that is.

For me, personally, I wouldn't be into it either, nor would I be into my girlfriend doing some other bird. Why? She can either be happy with me, or she can **** off and let me find someone who will be. Simple as.

Miss Fluff

Sounds like inviting this chick to join you both is a reasonable enough comprimise to me. That way if she wants to explore her sexuality she can do it with your blessing. I find it REALLY odd that she is determined to do it with this couple though. Sounds to me like she has the hots for her mate's boyfriend. I mean surely you will more than suffice if she is looking for some 3 in a bed action. If she can't accept that you have problems mate.

LegacyUser

SORRY, I am about to hijack your thread ever so slightly.
I am not BI, but lately I have been thinking about asking my BF to enter into a threesome with another woman.
Now, at the minute, it is nothing more then an idea. I have no clue who the woman would be.
I definitely would not want it to be a friend, and I don't want to have suffer any awkwardness afterward... plus... I don't think I even have any friends who would be up for it.
Also, I guess there would have to be some rules and right now I am uncertain as to what these would include.
I wouldn't want my BF to have intercourse with the other girl, but I would be OK with Oral sex being performed on him, by her.
I think I would like to perform oral sex on her too, and have her perform it on me.
Ah, I dunno, odds are we will never act out this fantasy. Maybe I'll just tell him about it, in detail, when we are in the bedroom, in way of an erotic story, and so on.
Reason I posted here, no matter what people say about all lads wanting girl on girl action, I honestly don't know if my BF would be on for it.
I snogged a girl recently, right in front of him, not in a sexual way, more of a drunken playful way... but he definitely didn't like it at all.

I guess some fantasies are destined to go unfulfilled.

Marksie

Bottom line, and this is regadless of whether its G/f trying to persuade B/friend or VIce versa:

If you are not comfortable with it, then dont do it.

You aren't, have communicated this and suggested a compromise.

I belive that your G/f is being unreasonable in this scenario.

Is it possible that by going with a totally bi couple she is wanting the other girl to herself while you and the guy amuse each other? and that a scenario where there is a second girl is not acceptable because that would mean sharing the girl with you?

Its a thought, but still doesn't later the basic fact that she isn't respecting your wishes.

layke

From my own experience. My missus has offered it to me before. She's not bi herself but she would like to 'try it'.

I'm not up for it because without a doubt it will **** up our relationship.

Tbh this one is a loon mate. If I was in your shoes I would do it (well not if there was more sausage involved), then get the hell outta that relationship.

Victor

marksuttonie wrote:

Is it possible that by going with a totally bi couple she is wanting the other girl to herself while you and the guy amuse each other?

You could just watch / setup the video / sort theinternet connection.

Nevyn

Victor, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

00112984

You see, if you, as a man, turned to her and said "Have sex with another woman or else", there'd be a line of people saying "Dump him"!

At the end of the day, straight, gay or bi, if your girlfriend wants to have sex with someone else, there's an awful lot of questions you need to be asking yourself.

Lust4Life

Posted by 00112984
You see, if you, as a man, turned to her and said "Have sex with another woman or else", there'd be a line of people saying "Dump him"!

At the end of the day, straight, gay or bi, if your girlfriend wants to have sex with someone else, there's an awful lot of questions you need to be asking yourself.

Bravo! Well said.

Kell

00112984 wrote:

At the end of the day, straight, gay or bi, if your girlfriend wants to have sex with someone else, there's an awful lot of questions you need to be asking yourself.

Not necessarily. Its perfectly natural to want to have sex with other people besides your partner. Doing something about it is the differentiator.

OP- you "could" try it once. You never know, watching another bloke with your missus might just flick your switch. You never know. It would be worth stipulating to your GF that it might just be the end of the relationship if you dont get off on it and feel the need to vomit.

Personally I think she has already consumated her friendship with this couple and is inviting you in now that she has tested the waters with them.

K-

Black Swan

She says, "If you love me..." That's a big "If" that needs addressing?

carpenoctem

00112984 wrote:

You see, if you, as a man, turned to her and said "Have sex with another woman or else", there'd be a line of people saying "Dump him"!

Agreed. I also find that whole "If you love me..." thing such a bad line in that conversation. "If you love me you would want me to have sex with someone else AND you would like to have sex with someone else" is necessarily what that comes to. Where's the sense in that?

I would say the fact you don't want to share her is better proof that you love her, and the fact that you agreed to let the girl join you is good. You already know that the male in the other couple is also bi which understandably raises issues for you in terms of them both joining you. I think that is prefectly justified, even if it was agreed he would not engage in any activity with you, I do believe your objection is reasonable.

I would say though, that perhaps you could explore the possibility of finding another straight couple that would be interested in this? I'm quite sure IF you were willing to go that far that you would be able to find another couple in the same situation, where you could be sure that the man would have no interest in you.

Although, I do have to agree that I see no reason for her wanting a second man there. If this is about her exploring her sexuality, like others have said, surely having another woman present should be enough.

It sounds to me like you have to talk this through with her and assure yourself of what she would really expect from her proposed situation, and why having only the woman present wouldn't live up to her fantasies. In the end, that would really be the only way you could make a decision that you are sure off - since the fact that you posted this in the first place suggests that you're having doubts that your decision was the right one. If you love her, as I'm sure you do, and she loves you in return, I'm sure yu should be able to find a compromise that makes you both happy.

Talliesin

dirtyboy wrote:

my gf thinks im unreasonable and if ireally loved her i would do this for her.

Well that's clearly ridiculous.

Even if you were into men and women, okay with group sex and up for this general kind of session it's quite likely that you wouldn't fancy one of them or not fancy them as a couple ("fancy" gets more complicated when you get into group-sex) and therefore not want to do this.

"If you really loved me you'd do this particular sexual act" isn't just wrong in this particular case but a serious warning sign as to her concept of your sexual boundaries and integrity. Nobody has the right to force anyone else into any sexual act, indeed the maximum sentence for doing so in this country is life imprisonment.

dirtyboy wrote:

i offered to comprimise and allow the girl join us but not the man.

A few things here.

Firstly, don't do this as a compromise. If it's something you'd be interested in exploring then sure, go for it and I hope you have fun, but don't do it if you're not going to be happy with that either.

Secondly, it may not be possible with this particular girl. The couple may be monogamous except for encounters they both engage in. Personally I'd consider that to be a perfectly reasonable rule for a couple to have. Certainly it's not an uncommon one, indeed amongst the set of people who are okay with some sort of sexual activity other than just with their partner it's a very common rule.

Now if this is the case the reasonable thing for your girlfriend to do would be to consider them off-limits, just like completely monogamous people, people who don't fancy her, people that are only into men, etc.

However, its not unlikely that she is pinning her hopes of exploring things she wants to explore onto this couple (finding people to have group sex with isn't terribly easy, especially if you aren't a member of a sub-community where group sex is relatively common and acceptable) and therefore paying more attention to their limits than she is to yours. This is of course entirely unreasonable and unworkable, but unfortunately not at all unheard of.

Whatever happens, if she doesn't get better at dealing with everyone's limits she's not going to have good experiences with group sex anyway.

Group sex is pretty damn complicated emotionally. When the two of you are doing something there's two people's feelings about sex, two people's feelings about the other person involved and one person-to-person dynamic. If you had agreed to a session with this other couple there would be four people's feelings about sex and twelve cases of someone's feelings about someone else involved (each of the four people having feelings about the other three), ten person-to-person dynamics, an ever-changing number of permutations to have feelings about depending on what is going on at the time. And that's in the case where everyone involved is completely comfortable with group sex.

If she thinks she can just barge into it she's frankly lucky that the plans came to a halt with your objections.

She needs to work out exactly what it is she wants - Is she perhaps only interested in the group sex scenario because its a situation where she could have sex with a woman and not feel she was being unfaithful? Does she want to explore group sex for itself? Is the idea of you being with a man something that does it for her or just something that would be part of getting it on with this particular couple? Indeed, does she really want to go beyond the limits of a monogamous relationship with you or is this just a matter of her wanting to explore her attraction to women? (Why is it that every thread with "bisexual" in the title is actually about group sex, do monosexuals think we all have pocket diaries with schedules like "Sat 21st - foursome, Sun 22nd - orgy, Mon 23rd - threesome"?)

You need to work out exactly what you're happy with - Clearly you aren't happy with the proposed scenario. Would you really be happy with the two of you and another woman, or was that just grasping for a possible compromise? Would you be happy with her having sex with a woman when you weren't there, and if so would it have to be just sex or would you be happy with a polyamourous relationship?

There may be a real compromise (one where neither of you are gritting your teeth to keep from complaining about it) possible between what she'd be happy with and what you'd be happy with, and there may not, but if she isn't going to understand and respect your limits then there's no hope.