Confused

LegacyUser

I've fallen in love for the first time and it sucks.

I'm a 20 year old guy and have known the girl in question for a good few months now, we work together. From the moment I saw her (day 1 in work) I was infatuated but she had a boyfriend, so I kept my distance. Since my first day there have been a few work nights out, and we've both been to most of them.

Work night one she completely different to how I knew her in work, and extremely flirty. I was taken aback big time. We came very close to kissing but she pulled the boyfriend card and I backed away gracefully. I was expecting some awkwardness in work but there was none.

At the next night out she told me she had broken up with her boyfriend and soon after she was all over me, it was amazing, a dream come true. We both had a great night out, got locked, and went back to hers.

This is where the problems started. I'm not sure whether it was nerves or drink but simply put, I couldn't get it up. I'm not a virgin but she was the first girl I'd been with(or had the chance to) who I really cared about. She took it personally, thinking it was because I didn't like it etc and I left the house in tears and distraght.

I woke up the next day and decided I wasn't gonna let it get in the way. She had told me numerous times how she really liked me the night before etc so I decided to ask her out. Basically over the nexy 2-3 weeks I was rejected 3 times, she always had an excuse. I got fed up and pissed off, but couldn't stop thinking about her, she was on my mind before I fell asleep and first thing when I woke up(still is actually).

I decided to tell her how I felt, went to her house on a spur of the moment thing, and told her exactly how I felt, and whether she felt the same etc... I can be pretty shy and it was something completely out of character on my part, but she managed to wriggle out of the questions somehow and I felt like I had achieved absolutely nothing. We left on good terms etc, but I was more confused than ever. After that we got on great in work, texting etc, and I was surprised, overjoyed.

The christmas party arrived and we had a blast, she was once again all over me but once all I could think about was what had happened the previous time, I was exremely nervous, and that's exactly what did happen. This time however all I could do was laugh. I stayed the night this time, and I wouldn't trade the night for the world, despite everything, but since then she's been really distant and I'm getting the same vibes I got the first time. I'm not sure whether she's genuinely put off by this or whether she just doesn't know what she wants.

She's a gorgeous girl, gets hit on all the time by customers in work, and just got out of a long relationship...am I assuming too much? It's so confusing because she tells me how much i mean to her, but only when drunk, it's like she can't show emotion when sober! I just don't know where to go at this stage and need advice. sorry for the essay I just wrote, thanks for reading.

Gordon

I'm not sure whether she's genuinely put off by this or whether she just doesn't know what she wants.

Have a good think about if you truly like this woman or not. Truly. It's difficult to believe after you have poured your heart out to her beforehand.

I reckon you should see a therapist. I would say talk to her about this but you have, and she seems distant after the heart pouring and then the laughing (on your part). I don't think pulling out your spinal cord would make her believe that you truly like her. Truly.

Incidentally, sorry to nag, but could you use paragraphs as it's really difficult to read big blocks of text. I can edit that last one for you if you like? /oh And you only need to post as an unregistered user once, the post/thread gets put into a queue if you are unreg, and the mods come along to validate them when they are online.

LegacyUser

Thanks Gordon, please edit away if you think it needs it.

Am I being naive or would she actually have slept with me after i poured my heart out to her, knowing how I feel. It's that which really confuses me.
And the fact that I couldn't get it up twice now... could that push her away? I'm wondering what a girls opinion would be on that.

Gordon

Cheers. I can't be sure of the timeline but yeah, I reckon she wanted to sleep with you. However, after the second time of brainfreeze I would imagine that she thought that you didn't want to.

As a guys opinion; you haven't pushed her away, she just doesn't think you want to pull her towards you, or that she can pull you towards herself. In my opinion.

Faith

So, let me get this straight: She breaks up with her boyfriend, gets drunk and comes on to you.

Sobers up and repeatedly refuses your advances and ignores you pouring out your heart to her.

Gets drunk and comes on to you again.

Sobers up and becomes distant...

Seeing a pattern?

embee

Faith wrote:

So, let me get this straight: She breaks up with her boyfriend, gets drunk and comes on to you.

Sobers up and repeatedly refuses your advances and ignores you pouring out your heart to her.

Gets drunk and comes on to you again.

Sobers up and becomes distant...

Seeing a pattern?

Gotta say, I agree with Faith here.

She doesn't sound like she's into you. She latches onto you when she's drunk, because her inhibitions are down. I hope you aren't assuming that she does like you purely because she comes onto you when she's drunk. All she's doing is getting p1ssed and doing what countless other drunk people do, the world over.

She's just out of a long relationship too... If you do end up sleeping with her, it could very well be a rebound thing, and if you really like her as much as you say you do, you don't wanna be "Rebound Guy".