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Jealous

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  • 04-12-2006 8:52pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Jesus I know that this is such a regular topic so first and foremost, sorry!

    Im going out with such a beautiful girl at the moment (4 months), Over the years i thought I had learnt my lessons about going out with girls and dealing with my jealous gene but i think Ive now begun to accept its a part of me and will probably never go away.

    What I HAVE managed to do is learn how to bottle it up and stop it from ruining things in our relationship...but this is why Im posting,Im not sure if I can keep this up forever cause it still torments me on the inside and i know that if I let it get the better of me Ill lose this girl, I know this should be enough motivation to cop myself on but I just cant find the remedy. Im trying but It seems to be a lot easier said than done

    Im such a confident guy and I know what ive got going for me but this jealousy makes me feel so insecure and its got to the stage where to be honest I really feel the need to talk about it and find some support.

    Im in love with her, I think about her all day everyday & it even hurts when we're apart

    I really dont want my problem to become hers & talking to her about how I feel is out of the question. I just wish I could be more laid back and funny as it sounds NOT feel so strongly for her cause its in the back of my mind that Im gonna get hurt here. How can I deal with this? Im actually scared of the thought of it all!!!!


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    #2
    jellie
    Registered Users Posts: 15,503 ✭✭✭✭jellie


    Jealous about what? & when? is there something in particular that causes this jealousy? when you see her talking to another man or just when shes doing something thats not with you?

    my boyfriend is extremely jealous. ive known this from day 1. he can get jealous when im just talking to another guy. now admittedly sometimes its very annoying & i want to tell him to just shut up & cop on. but usually i can tell if its bothering him, do some small gesture to reassure him its ok, like give his hand a squeeze, & its fine. hes much better than he was because he knows i love him.

    i know i shouldnt HAVE to be reassuring him, but mostly i dont mind, cause there is a tiny part of me that finds it reassuring that he gets a bit jealous. but as i said above, in extreme cases it can be too much.

    maybe mention it to your gf. dont make a big deal of it. but maybe just make her aware of it. make it clear you know its your problem & youre trying to deal with & dont put any blame on her (unless shes purposely doing something to make you jealous)

    hope you sort it out


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    #3
    embee
    Registered Users Posts: 2,890 ✭✭✭embee


    What is she doing/saying that is making you feel jealous?

    I mean, you say this jealousy is eating you up inside but you haven't said whats caused it. Jealousy is generally speaking a feeling that ignites over someone elses words or actions... I don't understand how jealousy is wearing you down unless she's done something?


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    #4
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    Give us some examples if you wish OP as its hard to figure out your post.


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    #5
    Playboy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,923 ✭✭✭Playboy


    First of all dont accept that you are always going to be jealous. Jealousy is insecurity and fear. Ask yourself what are u afraid of happening. Are u afraid that she is going to leave you, is she going to sleep with someone else, is she enjoying flirting with someone else, does she fantacize about other guys, does she not love you as much as you love her etc etc. Try and nail down the main fear(s) that you have. Analyze the jealousy rationally .. try and not get caught up in the irrational emotion. At the end of the day you have to accept that your gf is a human being just like you. She has a sex drive, she fantasizes about other guys, she like other guys to think she is pretty, she gets a kick out being attractive. She is just like you .. you have to accept this. She is not some a worshipper and you are not god .. she is just like you and every other human being. Accept this fact and realise that love is not about never finding someone else attractive .. it is about her choosing you over all the other guys that she finds attractive because she thinks that you are so fantastic. Delight in the fact that this beautiful woman who could be with any other guy has chosen you. Be happy that other guys find her attractive ... let it be proof of how lucky you are. You are lucky in the sense that you are at least able to realise that jealousy is your problem and not hers .. and that the only thing that jealousy achieves is to drive the other person away. It sounds to me like you are well on the road to getting over jealousy completely if you have come this far. Sometimes it can also help to go see a counsellor to help you work through the feelings and get and objective perspective. Dont give up and good luck :)


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