Girl man

LegacyUser

(sorry if this is double posted or whatever , Im sure a mod can gas one of em)

Im 21, Ive never had much luck with women at all until very very recently (this summer) where I went out with what was my first proper girlfriend, before this is wasnt a virgin but I might as well have been, my romantic history previous to this was non existant ,2 tame encounters with girls in 20 years on this earth and one out and out sexual encounter to pop my cherry (lowered my standards when i was 18 just to get it out of the way,an error in retrospect).
Outside of this my contact with women has been nonexistant, all boys school, all boy friends,the opportunity to know girls just honestly didnt come up, infact looking back its makes me angry that kids can grow up so cloistered away from the opposite sex. On top of this I guess I had/have esteem issues from those teenage years, which probably stopped me from trying to force the issue and get out there and meet girls. I dont know, lets just say my experience with girls was nonexistant

Until this summer when I met my girlfriend ,we went out for about three months. It was ok I guess but she ended it, and it was probably for the best. But since then since knowing I what it is to have a girlfriend and too be involved socially,sexually and more than anything emotionally, I suddenly have this huge feeling of loss. I honestly crave girls! before where i would see a girl in a bar or in college and thing she was cute, now it bloody obsesses me, My stomach twists and my mind races. It infuriates me that I cant have this girl. Im starting to display almost stalkerish tendencies, Ill change my own jouney and follow said college girl to a lecture or something. Ill stare feverishly across a bar like a moron to the point where a girl notices and probably gets freaked out. I know this is SOUNDS normal ,but its happening every waking minute of every waking day. Im falling in love with every girl i see. Its totally irrational but i cant help it!

Out on the town Ive gone from being the guy who would sit in the corner and never talk to girls to some sort of hound-dog. Im a pretty good looking guy, (If that doesnt sound vain) but I have no real pulling skill. So when I do go talk to girls its either a humiliating disaster for me (I really feel ive lost alot of dignity) and more importantly for my friends OR I do pull the girl , I abandon my friends and score/go back to her place. Either way my friends are getting pissed off with me, I guess they think ive sold out and its starting to cause real tension!

I need to shake this compulsion Ive developed. Its not healthy. Even though Im getting more girls than I ever have in my life, I dont feel good about it , its never satisfying really ( scores and one night stands dont usually turn into relationships, which i think is what i really want). and now its wedging between me and my friends. I guess thats it really.
HELP

LegacyUser

'Im going to have to bump this because I need SOMETHING here. I apologise for what is a poorly written OP but I was in a rush, but this is also a very hard thing to articulate. It comes across as boasting or just sowwing some oats but I cant stress enough that its not. Its occupying my every waking hour. I honestly think Im turning bipolar or something. Ill sit on a bus with a complete stranger , and Ill be utterly infatuated with, find bliss just staring at her out of the corner or my eye and then that turns to abject misery when she gets off the bus. Its just a normal every day social act but I cant seem to handle it anymore. This would not have happened up to three months ago!

I could type forever on this because theres no real way to explain this, Ive tried getting this accross to a few friends they either just dont get it (again think im boasting or just "need to get laid"I ****ing hate that. Im getting laid plenty Its probably only making things worse) and its really reaching fever pitch. I was almost crying in college today when a girl I had very very casually arranged to meet failed to turn up to class today. I cant ****ing live like this!'

Shelli

It sounds like your just feeling lonely and need companionship, everyone gets lonely, you just seem to be dealing with it fairly harshly.

next time you meet a nice girl in a bar why not just ask for her number and leave it at that, dont "score", give her a call and take it from there.

Everyone needs to feel loved at some stage.

Red Alert

Personally i don't try any 'chat up' lines or the like, just "Hi, my name's ??? what's yours?" probably works better.

Having loads of female friends (like i do) has it's downsides too - i've got more girl than guy friends. Just the way things panned out. Does mean that you're more used to them as friends, and they're more used to you, so it does mean i've to make a special effort at dates/scores etc.

Kold

I absolutely know where you're coming from. I'm fairly similar, it's not a sexual thing although it is... I'm sure you know what I mean. When lads talk about "I'd shag the hole off that" you feel completely different, only one girl in the room will command your attention but, a couple of hours down the line, a completely different girl (probably fairly similar). You'll find her so dazzlingly beautiful that you can imagine lying, watching movies with her in some sort of fantasy relationship.

To be honest, I'm not really sure what's wrong with us, I'm just letting you know that you're not alone. I would've never called myself obsessive and I don't know if I ever really took it that personally. All I can say is that you need to involve yourself with women a little more. You're putting them up on a pedestal and I have a lot of female friends, they all tend to be fecking lunatics.

LegacyUser

'I can really relate to your post, OP. The tendency to fixate on one particular woman in whatever environment I find myself has been something of a habit of mine as well. I don't know if I can suggest anything. Singling out the best potential mate in any given situation seems like something of an instinct at its core. Though to be honest, I've always assumed that the abnormal intensity of the fixation for me is ultimately because I'm clinically depressed. And maybe I have an overactive imagination.

I've been in a relationship (which I really want to be in) for several months for the first time in years, and I've found that the fixating thing is gone (except I think about my girlfriend night and day). I know that's sort of implied, but it was nice for me to discover that the imagined solution was actually the solution.

You're searching for a person. That's pretty natural. Just try and control the volatility of the feelings, or rather, your behaviour arising out of them. If what you've been doing doesn't feel good, then stop doing it. Continue to get chatting to the girls you like, but make the choice that you won't take it further if you find there's no substance to it. Wait till you find one that you could be friends with first before you look to go further. This should also change how your advance is perceived, and how your friends see your behaviour.'

Talliesin

How many women friends do you have in your life?

Black Swan

It almost seems that you have all of a sudden discovered the opposite sex? Feel overwhelmed? And yes, although important, to find contentment, you need more than just the physical aspect. The next time you meet someone you're attracted to, don't rush it. Try to get to know the person, not just the body. When you look into her eyes and see the person within, it will be more of a turn-on than just another one night stand, too. Oh, and leave all the one-liners at home. They are dishonest and get in the way of meeting that someone special.

LegacyUser

'wow replies!

eh Kold and Tryptophan really hit it on the head. Ive always had the sort of "put her on a pedastal" mentality to women, but that in and of itself isnt the problem (I honestly dont consider that kind of behaviour a problem) the problem is the frequency at which it is occuring , Instead of fixating on one women ,Im fixating at about five at a time in a single lecture ,going straight to another lecture and obsessing over another couple. I can rarely see a pretty girl now without becoming incredibly emotional. Where as before I could rather appropriately appreciate them , you know not dispassionately or anything ,but recognise that it was just a face on a street and that. That really doesnt happen anymore EVERY girl I even remotely like now has my heart in my throat. Its debilitating , Ill confess just the sheer stress of it has had me crying and depressed for the last few weeks.

And Its not as these urges are going unfulfilled. As I said in my own clinical way Im quite the player now , I am regularly approaching these girls, despite every social convention to the contrary. Now usually this ends in disaster and humiliation ,but due to the sheer numbers of times Im cold-calling girls I have quite the little hareem on the go. Infact to my own disgust im pretty much romantically engaged with two different girls now. That really disgusts me, I didnt think I was the polygamous type but Its just compulsive. I hate myself for what I am doing to two nice girls but I cant stop , I cant stop and infact I want MORE , Im still trying with other girls


As I say this is really getting too much, I spent two hours hiding in a bathroom wednesday crying, The kind of....hunger? Is unbearable now , no matter how much i feed it i cant stop it , and its really starting to cause me pain. At this point Im thinking it really is psychological , as I feel I have very little control over myself.

Help '

Kold

Sounds like an actual addiction. I'd say you should see someone about that.

masterK

Sounds like you just need to relax, women are only other human beings at the end of the day.

Húrin

Relax, boy. Girls are overrated.