Boyfriend Issues Making Me Mentally Tired

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly a year. Lately I have been doubting our relationship. I am mentally tired. Its like a constant up-hill struggle with him. I have been in long term relationships before, but Ive never felt so mentally exhausted.

I love him a lot. We have been through so much together in the last year. I guess, when looking back, the last year seems like 5 years cause so much has happened.

Ive had to put my foot down a few times on things. I guess it’s a learning experience for me, well both of us actually. I don’t feel good when I put my foot down. Feel like am restricting him. So I have been worried about this for a while. Last night I was so tired, I just started talking and talking and all this came out. Im not sure of the lay of the land now. He called it whinging – I called it getting things off my chest – for which I feel better for today. I dunno, maybe we are just not compatible. I try so hard to please him – sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Ive considered asking for a break, but with Christmas and everything I don’t want either of us to be miserable. I am just so tired – I don’t know if I can keep going like this. I told him things have to change. But ive had this conversation with him before and while somethings have changed, somethings have not.

I asked him “is there not one thing I do that you feel you have to put your foot down over?”. He said no. I am a quiet and reasonable person anyways I guess. I feel like the wicked witch of the East.

Beruthiel

As you haven't actually stated why exactly you are having problems, or what the problem is, I can't help.
Perhaps ye are just not right for each other?

tbh

issuesand wrote:

My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly a year. Lately I have been doubting our relationship. I am mentally tired. Its like a constant up-hill struggle with him. I have been in long term relationships before, but Ive never felt so mentally exhausted.

I love him a lot. We have been through so much together in the last year. I guess, when looking back, the last year seems like 5 years cause so much has happened.

Ive had to put my foot down a few times on things. I guess it’s a learning experience for me, well both of us actually. I don’t feel good when I put my foot down. Feel like am restricting him. So I have been worried about this for a while. Last night I was so tired, I just started talking and talking and all this came out. Im not sure of the lay of the land now. He called it whinging – I called it getting things off my chest – for which I feel better for today. I dunno, maybe we are just not compatible. I try so hard to please him – sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Ive considered asking for a break, but with Christmas and everything I don’t want either of us to be miserable. I am just so tired – I don’t know if I can keep going like this. I told him things have to change. But ive had this conversation with him before and while somethings have changed, somethings have not.

I asked him “is there not one thing I do that you feel you have to put your foot down over?”. He said no. I am a quiet and reasonable person anyways I guess. I feel like the wicked witch of the East.

why would you want to stay with someone who makes you feel like this? genuine question.

Sleepy

Are you maybe somewhat high-maintenace? I'm just getting that sense from your posts, maybe you two just aren't that compatible with each other?

smcelhinney

Im the last one to be giving advice on matters of the heart, I suppose.

OP, you sound jaded. Mental tiredness is SOO much harder to get over than physical tiredness.

Ask yourself, can the issues be resolved in a mature responsible way. Cos if the answer is no, you'll end up becoming increasingly frustrated with your relationship, which invariably permeates through the rest of your life, your social circle, work, your family. You'll end up begrudging anyone for ever being happy.

So make a clean break, or confront him about it. You sound like an intelligent person, if you feel that intellectually, he's beneath you, and you cant have this conversation with him (Im a guy, I can say this stuff ), then bring it down to his level, make it clear what effect he is having on you.

If he truly loves you, then he will see the error of his ways, and will endeavour to change. I say "endeavour", cos ultimately, we are the people we are, and its very difficult to change. Sounds cliched I know, but cliches are only cliches, well, because most of the time they are true..

You only have one shot at true love dear, dont waste it on someone who doesnt either want or deserve it..

best of luck..

Marksie

smcelhinney wrote:

OP, you sound jaded. Mental tiredness is SOO much harder to get over than physical tiredness.
.

Yes i would agree with that. Its quite a general post but my "take " on this is that you will just get tireder and more worn down.

You mentioned taking a break... yes i would say that is what yuo need, a clean one to recover your strength and decide what to do next.
i have been there with that mental tiredness... it is more drainnig and insiduous than any physical tiredness

[/QUOTE]I am just so tired – I don’t know if I can keep going like this. I told him things have to change. But ive had this conversation with him before and while somethings have changed, somethings have not.[/QUOTE]

While changing oneself can take time were these changes small ineffectual changes or something worthwhile?

[/QUOTE]
I asked him “is there not one thing I do that you feel you have to put your foot down over?”. He said no. .[/QUOTE]
Not much room for compromise is there.?

Talliesin

Beruthiel wrote:

As you haven't actually stated why exactly you are having problems, or what the problem is, I can't help.

Agreed. Just what is it you're "putting your foot down" about?

LegacyUser

'OP, I think I could be in a similar situation to you..

I'm in a very nice relationship, but sometimes I too feel mentally tired. It's not that I don't love my partner, it's not that I don't want to be there...but

It's constantly "feeling the need" to tell, or show your partner, that their behaviour is not good, not acceptable or they could be better. In my case, most of the time I have to keep on telling my girlfriend that she doesn't need to feel bad about something, that she doesn't need to worry about X Y Z, that she doesn't have to be so afraid of a new venture, that she should just relax and do X Y Z without worrying if she will offend A B C... agh.

I do love her but sometimes she wears me down.

It's starting to feel like she just doesn't "get it", or get me. Time and time again, I feel like I've made my point and we're on the same hymn sheet. Then she goes off generating more worry over something silly, or behaving/thinking in a way that is totally illogical (or stupid) and we're right back again, and I'm feeling worn down again. I'm always the one giving the councelling, trying to sort her life out, telling her how the world works... never her doing it for me.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to be with someone who intuitively just fekkin KNEW intelligently how to deal with day to day stress, issues, etc. and just relax.. rather than always freaking, and me calming her down.'

Black Swan

Talliesin wrote:

Agreed. Just what is it you're "putting your foot down" about?

Without details, I am at a loss for a solution, too. "Mentally tired" is not a good thing when it pertains to your relationship, in any case.