Just a physical relationship?

LegacyUser

Im in a relationship, and the sex is great. But sometimes I don't know if we understand each other on a deeper level. Are most relationships like this? are most relationships mainly about sex? Or should the couple have lots in common and share a deep love and interest in the same things?

I have never had love like this or such amazing sex

Sleepy

Sounds like an fb rather than a partner to me tbh.

Black Swan

The physical part is important, but there is so much more to a meaningful relationship that you seem to be missing? Why don't you explore these other aspects of your partner? Not only can the total person be more rewarding, but even the physical can get better knowing what exists behind those eyes and body.

LegacyUser

"Why don't you explore these other aspects of your partner? Not only can the total person be more rewarding, but even the physical can get better knowing what exists behind those eyes and body."

What if I told you I've already done that, and have found someone who is very scarred from the past, living with lots of fears and worries, very tense and can only truly let herself, go and experience "the moment" / peace / happiness when having sex? And as a result craves sex more and more (yes, it makes for good sex). I sense a lot of blockages and the more I enquire into it, the more and more healing that I think is needed? But she doesn't seem to want to go down that path (apart from having sex as much as possible)??

Raskolnikov

LoveLife wrote:

What if I told you I've already done that, and have found someone who is very scarred from the past, living with lots of fears and worries, very tense and can only truly let herself, go and experience "the moment" / peace / happiness when having sex? And as a result craves sex more and more (yes, it makes for good sex). I sense a lot of blockages and the more I enquire into it, the more and more healing that I think is needed? But she doesn't seem to want to go down that path (apart from having sex as much as possible)??

I think you've answered your own question there.

When you eventually meet someone who you want to pursue a more meaningful and deeper relationship with then the feelings you have will disapear. Been down the road you're on before, it seems like you'll never meet that special person but it will happen if you give it time!

Good luck!

free2fly

It sounds as if she needs professional help. And if she is not willing to get it you may be in for a lot of pain and suffering. If you want a more intimate relationship, and she is not willing to open up to you, then will be stuck in a friends with benefits situation. You need to decide exactly what it is that you want from this relationship and then act accordingly. If she is using sex as therapy for a troubled past then IMHO she needs to seek professional help.

Marksie

free2fly wrote:

It sounds as if she needs professional help. And if she is not willing to get it you may be in for a lot of pain and suffering. If you want a more intimate relationship, and she is not willing to open up to you, then will be stuck in a friends with benefits situation. You need to decide exactly what it is that you want from this relationship and then act accordingly. If she is using sex as therapy for a troubled past then IMHO she needs to seek professional help.

Yes i would agree with that, it would seem that she is equating sex with intimacy.
If she doesnt want to seek help to explore, and yuo still wish to continue in a relationship, then all yu can do is continue to be as open as possible and see if she begins to open to intimacy herself

LegacyUser

'I want to ask one question, and I hope it doesn't come across as egotistical:

Do you think intelligence levels can be a problem? I don't know, but sometimes I feel that where I'm coming from is just beyond my partner. And this in itself can feel isolating. Sometimes I just want someone who has the same intuitions as me, the same sensitivity. Sometimes it "feels like" I have all this in my partner.. and other times I find a lack of intelligence, intuition, sensitivity. And I also feel, these are many of the reasons she loves me so much... I can impress, etc.

Perhaps this creates problems...?'

LegacyUser

'In addition to what I've already posted, While we're on the topic of intimacy, could one of you please define what you mean by "intimacy"? I mean, love making is certainly one of the most deeply intimate things two people can do.

Maybe I need to know what intimacy is before I try to "find" it. Thanks'

Kell

LoveLife wrote:

Im in a relationship, and the sex is great.

Happy days for you.

LoveLife wrote:

But sometimes I don't know if we understand each other on a deeper level. Are most relationships like this?

One thing that strikes me. Dont you have mates you can discuss this with? Does no-one have deep and meaningfuls with their best mates over a pint? Hmmn.

How many relationships have you been in and how long have you been seeing this lusty lady? I ask because *usually* the start of a relationship is reasonably dominated by sex and not getting enough of eachother. As the relationship progresses two people get to know eachother and how eachother tick, interests blah, blah, blah.

As for the other stuff i.e. your concerns about her past, ask her. She could just be quite a pent up person with quite a high sex drive. There are plenty of people (myself included) who are very controlled in their day to day life and the only way they lose the control is through sex or something similar where they are completely out of control. I wouldnt necessarily presume that something bad happened in the past. Some people are just like that so just ask her out straight.

Her intelligence level shouldnt leave you isolated. Some people dont ask questions either because something doesnt interest them or they feel they'll look stupid if they ask you a question. Make sure she feels confident to ask you anything about what you're saying and if she still doesnt ask, then she aint interested in what you are talking about.

K-

6th

I'm with my wife for 14 years (married for 3) and we have alot of seperate interests. Being interested in all the same things, imo, would be boring.

Having seperate interests just means between the two of you you guys have a broader range .... enjoy the sex!

free2fly

LoveLife wrote:

'I want to ask one question, and I hope it doesn't come across as egotistical:

Do you think intelligence levels can be a problem? I don't know, but sometimes I feel that where I'm coming from is just beyond my partner. And this in itself can feel isolating. Sometimes I just want someone who has the same intuitions as me, the same sensitivity. Sometimes it "feels like" I have all this in my partner.. and other times I find a lack of intelligence, intuition, sensitivity. And I also feel, these are many of the reasons she loves me so much... I can impress, etc.

Perhaps this creates problems...?'

I'm a bit confused by this question. Do you mean that sometimes you are unable to carry on an intelligent conversation with her? And perhaps her lack of sensitivity is a direct result of the problems that prevent her from being intimate?