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Similar Problem to Unreg66

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  • 29-11-2006 5:30pm
    #1
    DublinLadNow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Coming at this one from a slightly different perspective but I'm male and have pretty much the same problem as Unreg66 posted below.

    Lonely but not looking for a relationship at the moment (well not in the traditional girlfriend/boyfriend sense. It's very hard to find someone who is looking for the same sort of thing - I'm not really too sure about dating sites.

    Have any guys here any experienced the same sort of loneliness while still wanting to stay single and not be caught up in one night stands constantly?

    Advice appreciated because it is starting to get to me now.

    I'm intelligent, attractive and able to carry on a conversation but it's hard to bring up this subject with one night stands or girls that I know etc.


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    #2
    Sleepy
    Registered Users Posts: 24,171 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Every guy you know has most likely experienced the same thing. I've had friends with benefits relationships with a couple of girls but they just sort of happened rather than being something I actively sought out. I wouldn't even know where to begin tbh!


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    #3
    Kell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    DublinLadNow wrote:
    Have any guys here any experienced the same sort of loneliness while still wanting to stay single and not be caught up in one night stands constantly?

    Thats a contradiction in terms really. You could look at it from the point of view of just going about "seeing" someone. The only snag there is that someone in the relationship starts to get "ideas" and you might as well be in a full blown all strings attached relationship at that point.

    Either that or get yourself a fúck buddy but again, the same proviso's apply about one or other getting "ideas".

    Simpler again- decide your single and you are doomed to a string of one night stands or semi-regular but potentially emotionally dangerous fúck buddy or resign yourself to a relationship.

    Its usually one or the other.

    K-


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    #4
    DublinLadNow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭DublinLadNow


    Yeah I suppose it's a damned if I do, damned if I don't sort of situation really.

    If any posters have any experiences or advice they'd prefer to keep private feel free to PM me.


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    #5
    Kell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭Kell


    DublinLadNow wrote:
    Yeah I suppose it's a damned if I do, damned if I don't sort of situation really.

    Unless you get a fúck buddy who is very grown up and doesnt lend themselves to getting attached. But then again, by lonely are you talking about going out to the cinema, away for the weekend etc?

    Fúck buddies (I think) dont do that sort of stuff. Its usually a covert phonecall around 9ish along the lines of "are you free <innuendo, innuendo>" and wham, bam and back home before midnight to the comfort of your own bed.

    K-


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    #6
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Just out of interest, have you had many close/long relationships before?

    Did many end up badly?

    Personally, I'm just out of a long term relationship, and am quite happy back in single life, but still miss many aspects a relationship has to offer.
    I wouldn't go looking for one either, but wouldn't prevent one from happening should I feel one 'brew' with a girl I may meet.


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    #7
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    DublinLadNow wrote:
    Coming at this one from a slightly different perspective but I'm male and have pretty much the same problem as Unreg66 posted below.

    Lonely but not looking for a relationship at the moment (well not in the traditional girlfriend/boyfriend sense. It's very hard to find someone who is looking for the same sort of thing - I'm not really too sure about dating sites.

    Have any guys here any experienced the same sort of loneliness while still wanting to stay single and not be caught up in one night stands constantly?

    Advice appreciated because it is starting to get to me now.

    I'm intelligent, attractive and able to carry on a conversation but it's hard to bring up this subject with one night stands or girls that I know etc.

    can I just ask - it struck me that you said you were lonely and not looking for a relationship. The use of the word lonely jumped out in that context, how do you mean? For example, if you found the girl of your dreams, would you not want to pursue a relationship with her? Sorry if it's something you'd rather not go into, I just think that maybe you are confused as to what you want.


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    #8
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,231 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    DublinLadNow wrote:
    Have any guys here any experienced the same sort of loneliness while still wanting to stay single and not be caught up in one night stands constantly?
    Well, the next time you have another "one night stand," ask her out for another date? See where it goes?


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    #9
    Sleepy
    Registered Users Posts: 24,171 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Kell wrote:
    Fúck buddies (I think) dont do that sort of stuff. Its usually a covert phonecall around 9ish along the lines of "are you free <innuendo, innuendo>" and wham, bam and back home before midnight to the comfort of your own bed.
    Funny, my experience of fcuk buddy relationships has been the exact opposite. I'd always had the idea that a fcuk buddy was exactly that kind of 'booty call' thing but any time I have been in the situation it's been the night out or stolen weekend...


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    #10
    Colm_OReilly
    Registered Users Posts: 3,577 ✭✭✭Colm_OReilly


    Relationships develop over time, and I stress over time.

    If you're socially competent, and you appear to be, you can make friends with girls and enjoy the gradual increase in levels of trust and intimacy you guys have, without bogging yourself down to an exclusive relationship.

    A key factor in establishing the rules of any relationship (sexual or otherwise) is the time issue. If you start txting her every day, you can't then change it to once a month type meet up.

    If it then develops into a serious, exclusive relatinoship and it's what you want, fine. If it starts heading down that road and you don't want it, just say.

    It's not a dichotomous case of either single or exclusively committed, and trust me, no one wants the pressure straight away of commitment, so you're really offering freedom with the set up you want.

    Colm


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    #11
    DublinLadNow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭DublinLadNow


    Thanks for the responses, and the PMS guys.

    To answer some of the questions:

    I've had a few serious and a few not-so-serious relationships. I'm by no means inexperienced in that department.

    When I said lonely I'm not sure it was quite the word I was looking for. Like Unreg66 said - I miss human sexual contact but don't want it to be drunken fumblings all the time. It would be good to have something going with someone - you know the way the sex gets good when you get in synch with what you both like. But I really don't want a girlfriend at the moment.

    Therein lies the rub, as they'd say.

    Sleepy - I suppose you're right. These sorts of set-ups usually just happen so I'm probably wasting my time actively going out looking for one.

    Anyway - any other advice appreciated so keep the comments rollin' in there people.


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