Problem between 2 good mates

redraider

Hi, I am looking for some advice about a predicament involving 2 good mates, who shall be known as Bill (M,29) & Ben (M,29)

Please bear with me, this is a bit complex, so here goes ……………..

Bill is engaged, Ben is single, Dougal ( another mutual friend) is engaged.

Bill’s fiancée is out of town for the night.
(She stays over with Bill occasionally while their new house is being built)

Bill, Ben & Dougal head out for the night.

Ben pulls a girl, and, at the end of the night 3 lads and girl head back to Bill’s house after late bar (invited by Bill)

Ben & Girl get friendly downstairs on couch, while Bill & Dougal crash upstairs in the bedrooms.

Next morning; 9am approx.
Dougal head off home. Ben asks girl if she wants a lift anywhere. Girl says she will get a friend to collect her and for Ben to go ahead. Ben goes home. Meanwhile, Bill is still upstairs.

Approx. 12pm; same day;
Bill’s fiancée arrives at Bill’s house unexpectedly and finds Bill & Ben’s Girl in the same bed together. They are not up to anything, just in the same bed.

Fiancee freaks out. Fiancee rings Ben and accuses him of being a bad influence on Bill etc.

Bill has made up a “story” to try to bale himself out and has tried to somehow lay the blame on Ben for him (Bill) ending up in the same bed with this other girl.

Bill then rings Ben and tries to get Ben to go along with story in order to save his relationship.

Ben agrees. Bill texts Ben later that day and asks him not to contact him again.3 months have passed and there has been no communication between them.

Bill and Ben have been mates for nearly 20 years. I have been mates with them both for 10 years.

The story above is Ben’s version of what happened. I have been asked (by Ben) not to discuss this with Bill.

Does anyone see any way that I can repair this rift without losing 1 or possibly 2 mates?

Faith

So why were Bill and the girl in bed together?

King of Kings

i agree with faith. that question needs to answered - there should be no reason Ben's girl ended up in bed with Bill.
I reckon something did happen after ben went home.

zAbbo

Bill slept with her, fairly obvious, no

Faith

zabbo wrote:

Bill slept with her, fairly obvious, no

redraider wrote:

Bill’s fiancée arrives at Bill’s house unexpectedly and finds Bill & Ben’s Girl in the same bed together. They are not up to anything, just in the same bed.

No.

Darragh29

I'd kind of draw a line under this one OP... There are no circumstances under which he should have been found in the sack with this girl. If his girlfriend/fiance is stupid enough to believe whatever unbelievable excuse he gave her, more fool her I think. Any decent mate knows you don't move in on your mates other half or partner, even if its just a casual thing, and especially just hours after she has been with your mate. People who do this to their friends end up losing their friends, thats just the way the world works I think...

leeroybrown

Perhaps the excuse that Bill came up with to save his relationship resulted in his fiancée telling him never to talk to Ben again on threat of break up. Perhaps Bill blames Ben for the entire situation or thinks there was something other than an accident involved.

I would suggest keeping your nose out of it comes to a situation where one of them wants to bury the hatchet. You'll annoy at least one of them if you attempt to do it for them and might end up being seen as taking sides by both.

tbh

Leave 'em to it. And don't trust Bill.

Black Swan

Bill is in bed with Ben's new girl and nothing happened? Sure, what's not to believe? I also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and fell off the last turnip truck that rolled through Dub.

What am I missing? Since Bill and Ben are making up stories together, it would appear that they are not going to split. Also Dougal left before the bedroom ploy, so he should be unaffected. Don't see how you will lose one or two mates, with all you guys hanging together? So the Three Musketeers should be fine in the future?

It would appear that Bill's fiancee was the only real victim in this bed-buddy affair, and you do not seem too concerned with her fate? Are all the boys going to hang together and try to deceive the fiancee with the Bill-Ben undercovers story? Bed-buddies and deceit? If she's smart, she will break the engagement and go yonder way!

Colm_OReilly

redraider,

The circumstance aside (which I don't think are the issue here) you may have to accept that Bill and Ben don't want to be mates anymore, as much as you'd like them to be.

Now, do either Bill or Ben talk negatively about the other in your company and do you feel uncomfortable about this? Or do they not want you to be friends with the other?

In that case, it might be beneficial if you told them that them putting pressure on you like this is unfair, if they want to continue being friends with you they (Bill and Ben) don't have to be friends but they can badmouth the other or make you chose.

Hope this helps,
Colm