How to keep your woman

Sposs · 27-11-2006 01:36PM #1

> HOW TO KEEP YOUR WOMAN
>
>
>
> 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This
> will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
>
> 2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness.
> (Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she
> cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you
> are.)
>
> 3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls
> are
> like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
>
> 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If
> she is, say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.
> This will show
> her you care.
>
> 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
> her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement,
> and every girl needs some improvement.
>
> 6. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most.
> Then--when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them.
> Because jewellery is for wussies.
>
> 7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When
> she
> is,
> stare into her eyes mouth the words "F*ck You" and grab the other girls
> ass.
> Girls love competition.
>
> 8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner, drive for miles so she
> thinks
> it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard.
> When
> she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're
> really
> going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying
> and
> asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very
> quietly
> into her ear "..because i can."
>
> 9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those
> special
> nicknames.
>
> 10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
>
> 11. Warm her up when she's cold.. and not by giving her your
> jacket...then you might get cold. Rather, look her In the eye and say
> "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to
> be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
>
> 12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
> bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
> party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
> the party.
>
> 13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small
> pet...kick
> the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
>
> 14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
> minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
> and you can use your arms for more important things...like
> masturbation.
>
> 15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
>
> 16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
> self confidence. Then you can never turn her Into the object she deep
> down desires to be.
>
> 17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: Shoes,
> earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
> pair. This way she'll go crazy.
>
> 18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
> and say "No, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a
> guy that speaks for her.
>
> 19. Look her in the eyes and smile...then clock her one. Girls love a
> spontaneous guy.
>
> 20. Give her one of your t-shirts...and make sure it has your smell on
> it. But not a sexy cologne smell.. a bad smell. You know what i'm
> talking about.
>
> 21. When it's raining keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "No,
> its just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream
> "Stop crying you f*cking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already
> stated.
>
> 22. Titty twisters.. and plenty of them.
>
> 23. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no.
> This way she'll think you're mysterious.
>
> 24. Two words.. Dutch Oven.
>
> 25. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her
> material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
> that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present
> she can ever get.
>
> 26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will
> promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This
> will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call
> that you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really
> excited. Now don't call.
>
> 27. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just
> whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know
> she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have
> the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like
> this one that much but I think it's funny.