Woman for a best man?

giftgrub

What do people think about the idea of having a woman for a best man?

i'm thinking about doing it for my wedding next year, she is one of our closest friends after all, the wife to be thinks its great, but i reckon the in laws will have a fit!!

Webmonkey

Just call her a best woman, and it will sound better - I dont see anything wrong with it

InFront

why not just have her as a bridesmaid and get another friend to be best man though? Not that I think theres anything wrong with the idea...

wyndham

I would view it as weird, as i'm sure a lot of the guests,etc would

Ruu_Old

I think its a great idea, something besides the norm. Go for it, don't mind what anyone else thinks. The day belongs to ye, best of luck in the future.

The Walsho

Would the woman in question be okay with having a duty which normally a man's though? If so then I don't see whynot.

Red Hand

I've heard of it before. Nothing that says you can't go ahead with it.:)

Black Swan

It's your wedding day, not theirs.

lostexpectation

giftgrub wrote:

What do people think about the idea of having a woman for a best man?

i'm thinking about doing it for my wedding next year, she is one of our closest friends after all, the wife to be thinks its great, but i reckon the in laws will have a fit!!

If shes' one of _your_ closest friends then yes.

Ghost Train

Some people can be very critical of anything thats not the norm, especially when it comes to weddings.It really depends on how comfortable you feel about it yourselves (if it feels right for you) and if you're okay with a few people maybe getting upsest about it. I myself wouldn't have a problem it at a friends or family wedding

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Gordon

Sounds nice! I've been to a wedding with two best men and it was all cool (apart from the rather awful cringeworthy speech when they tried to do a double act). So a best woman shouldn't be a problem. Go for it!

Would you dress her up in an obviously fake moustache and a tux or will she be wearing more feminine clothes?!

The Sweeper

I was my older brother's best man, and I'm female.

He got married in 2003 - I helped with the wedding preparations, made sure he was organised on the morning, (including some needle and thread adjustments to the top of his waistcoat and his tie - how many best men do you know you could trust to sew you into your wedding suit?), I paid the band, paid the registrar, made a speech which I'm told went down a storm (no matter what sex you are, speaking nerves will ensure you don't recall delivery of your speech).

Personally I had a great time because I felt like I could be a bit blokey - so I wore a tailored suit and high heels and drank too much champagne and loved it. I was also like a rottweiler on anyone who made as if to come to my brother and his new wife with some problem - I was intercepting band members who wanted to leave early, ushering drunken squabblers outside, hounding the staff to clear up the leftover trays of bacon sandwiches (my sis in law would have freaked if she'd seen the waste) and so on.

Basically, the upshot is that I think you should choose the person you can trust to help you out on the day - to me, the role of best man or chief bridesmaid isn't a big day out for you, it's a day where someone you love trusts you to shield them from everything that can and will go wrong!

Beelzebub

Some traditions are made to be broken and this is one of them!
It's a great idea as other people have said. Have a great day and the best of luck to ye both in your married life!

Rb

lostexpectation wrote:

If shes' one of _your_ closest friends then yes.

I agree.

If its a case that your wife to be already has her bridesmaids picked out and wants another friend of "yours" (as a couple) to be included, then I certainly wouldn't.
If it happens to be one of your own close friends, then feel free.

Its not something I personally would do though.

Gordon wrote:

Would you dress her up in an obviously fake moustache and a tux or will she be wearing more feminine clothes?!

Lol, was wondering the same thing myself.

Talliesin

I'm probably going to do this, given that my closest friends are all women it's a damn sight more sensible to ask one of them than to ask a man I'm nowhere near as close to.

giftgrub

screw them all i'm doing it, she's got her head screwed on and will take no messing from anyone.

told the in laws, they were a bit shocked told me it was against the rules, then the future mother in law said "why dont you ask your friend from school, the doctor?" (thats all she knows about him)

"because he's not one of my best friends"

"it doesnt have to be a best friend"

"He's gay"

End of conversation.

Rb

giftgrub wrote:

she's got her head screwed on and will take no messing from anyone.

Who? Your fiance or your best-man-to-be?

aidan24326

Why not have her as one of the bridesmaids though? Are you having as 'best man' just because it's something a bit different?

insane drummer

i was convinced that if one day i got married to some body that my best "man" would be my best friend who is in fact a woman, but turns out ill probably end up marring her, considering i with her now, and things seam to be going perfect! i cant see anything wrong with it.

Annie Bananie

giftgrub wrote:

screw them all i'm doing it, she's got her head screwed on and will take no messing from anyone.

told the in laws, they were a bit shocked told me it was against the rules, then the future mother in law said "why dont you ask your friend from school, the doctor?" (thats all she knows about him)

"because he's not one of my best friends"

"it doesnt have to be a best friend"

"He's gay"

End of conversation.

Way to go!
I think you are absolutely right in doing this, as said, it's your and your future wife's day, you should do what is best for you!
I think it's a great idea

Best wishes for your wedding and future life together!

Talliesin

giftgrub wrote:

told the in laws, they were a bit shocked told me it was against the rules

No rules about the aides the bride and groom has actually.

The split of best man and other men of the groom's party and the bridesmaids (with an occasional maid-of-honour who was already married) of the bride's party doesn't apply unless you live in a culture where social interactions between unmarried people of differing sexes would be chaperoned or otherwise supervised, which we haven't for some time.

StupidLikeAFox

Should be an interesting stag party....

Talliesin

Oh well come on, mixed-gender stag/hens are hardly rare these days.

Phenobarbidoll

We're having 2 best men, and my cousin had his sister has his "best man" - she wore a woman's tux, and she looked fantastic.
Not a peep was said about it, even by the most traditional of guests in attendance.

Go for it, and make no apologies.

rainbow kirby

I'd love to be the best (wo)man for a wedding, and to wear a women's tux... SO much more comfortable than a dress!

Kolodny

It might be considered unusual by some but it really should be about who's important to you and who you trust and nothing to do with gender. I was at a wedding in the summer where the groom's brother and sister were his best man and best woman as he's very close to both of them and wanted them both equally involved.

Stepherunie

If i ever get married I want to have a guy as my bridesmaid, he's probably my closest friend and the one person who makes me smile even when I've been absolutely blue and heartbroken. I have close female friends but they just wouldn't feel right to have.

My mother of course will hate this idea but if it's what you want then go for it.

Killaqueen!!!

I'm surprised so many people are for the idea. Too weird for me. If it feels right for the couple involved than great, but I think it would be too awkward.

I don't see the problem in having her as your wifes bridesmaid as she seems to like the girl (?) - that would be less awkward.

Still, different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't do it but then again my very best friends are all girls.

Marksie

Absolutely brilliant ... its what you both want so why not . Rules? its only convention.


Now wonder if soemone wants me to be chief bridesmaid

Talliesin

Killaqueen!!! wrote:

I don't see the problem in having her as your wifes bridesmaid as she seems to like the girl (?) - that would be less awkward.

Now that seems weird.

Borat_Sagdiyev

I don't think there's anything whatsoever wrong here. If certain people, like the in-laws mentioned above, are a bit old-school and are afraid of what people might think thats their own problem.

On a slightly different note, but in the same sort of context, my daughter doesn't have a godfather - she has two god-mothers: her mother's sister and my best friend. At the time I didn't care about what people thought, its nothing to do with them.