The ole contact with EX debate

Arthurdaly

Hey,

I've recently found myself getting really wound up with my ex to point where my blood is boiling (her's too).
I'm 31 and have a string of failed relationships which i must point out are entirely my own fault.
I was with this girl for almost 3 years but whilst i was in the relationship i was always asking myself was i really in love with her.
I had intercourse with her 2 n a half times which leads me to belive that i must have been. Its over two years now (19 nov 06 was our anniversary) and i still find myself answering to her and defending myself.
If i shift (or i mean score for all you dubheads) another girl I almost feel guilty and try to hide it from her in the ridiculous hope that she will think i'm still hers. I have never related to anyone like this girl in my life and scared i won't again! Still great friends with her and we have the laff but when the opposite sex comes up all hell breaks lose. You know the story, she'll say something that hurts me at which point i disclose the fact that i've been sleeping with the cast of "model behaviour".
Anyways i was recently debating buying a house but of course she blads out that it should have been me n her, blah blah!
Things like that which sorta hold me back from getting on with my life without her.
Point is that she is probably the only person on this earth that i get off the fone with a big smile on my face thinking ahhhhhh, she's deadly!
Thing is if i had her again i would probably go back to being the asshole that i am.
I still rely on her emtionally (without sounding a bit gay) and its the same with her. Recently she rang from a hosipital in tears (even though she had a boyfriend who she apparently loves so much) so that leaves me confused.
Shes was definately my soulmate so its very hard to lose contact even tho there is no hope for us.
Responses appreciated from people in similar situations.

Ruu_Old

Is she still in a relationship?

Arthurdaly

No, she was dumped by the guy she was with (5 months).
If im honest i moved to dublin to try get things right with her.
I believe theres possibly only a handful of possible partners that you really connect with and understand, she was one.

Black Swan

Arthurdaly wrote:

Shes was definately my soulmate so its very hard to lose contact even tho there is no hope for us.

I think you answered your own question? You can be true friends, which is grand, but... ?

Arthurdaly

Maybe i did, but my brain is confused.
Should i just ignore this girl and move on and try find the girl of my dreams.
Tom hanks did when he found that mermaid girl in splash.

CathyMoran

I am still friends with my first love (he is one of my best friends) but it took me years to get used to the fact that we were only ever meant to be best friends. I do think that you need to move on from her and get some space from her for a while. While I am happy with what happened in the end I had a lot of heartache for years. You need to find someone else. Do not think that this will mean loosing her. I have not lost my first love but he is a soul mate in soul only.

Faith

Arthurdaly wrote:

I had intercourse with her 2 n a half times which leads me to belive that i must have been.

I don't understand this bit. You had sex two and a half times?

Why did you break up in the first place?

Carrigart Exile

Arthurdaly wrote:

Hey,

I've recently found myself getting really wound up with my ex to point where my blood is boiling (her's too).
I'm 31 and have a string of failed relationships which i must point out are entirely my own fault.
I was with this girl for almost 3 years but whilst i was in the relationship i was always asking myself was i really in love with her.
I had intercourse with her 2 n a half times which leads me to belive that i must have been. Its over two years now (19 nov 06 was our anniversary) and i still find myself answering to her and defending myself.
If i shift (or i mean score for all you dubheads) another girl I almost feel guilty and try to hide it from her in the ridiculous hope that she will think i'm still hers. I have never related to anyone like this girl in my life and scared i won't again! Still great friends with her and we have the laff but when the opposite sex comes up all hell breaks lose. You know the story, she'll say something that hurts me at which point i disclose the fact that i've been sleeping with the cast of "model behaviour".
Anyways i was recently debating buying a house but of course she blads out that it should have been me n her, blah blah!
Things like that which sorta hold me back from getting on with my life without her.
Point is that she is probably the only person on this earth that i get off the fone with a big smile on my face thinking ahhhhhh, she's deadly!
Thing is if i had her again i would probably go back to being the asshole that i am.
I still rely on her emtionally (without sounding a bit gay) and its the same with her. Recently she rang from a hosipital in tears (even though she had a boyfriend who she apparently loves so much) so that leaves me confused.
Shes was definately my soulmate so its very hard to lose contact even tho there is no hope for us.
Responses appreciated from people in similar situations.

Three years together and you had sex twice? Why did you split up in the first place?

Arthurdaly

Yeah, she was paraniod about getting preggers which she told me had nothing to do with previous goings on. But i respected that i lived the life of a monk. It was more than ole banging thing.
So i've got the decision of moving on and losing contact with the person closest to me or still remaining friends and arguing.
The half was this time i was really hungover and vunerable and she just hopped on me and then got scared.

CathyMoran

You don't have to loose her, you just need some space. You can get through this, you are going to be fine. You are going to miss her like crazy while you move on with your life but you will find the right person once you have found yourself first. I was petrified that I would loose him, I have not, we are still friends and I am happily marrying the right person in a few weeks time.

pepper

I had intercourse with her 2 n a half times

WHAT???????????????????

Miss Fluff

Hadn't she heard of contraception? Were you actually going out with one another? Seems very very strange that you would have sex twice while in a 3-year relationship. Sounds like you were there to support her emotionally while she called the shots. Cut loose methinks.