Nightclubs

LegacyUser

Whenever I go out drinking I never get attention from guys. Now don't get me wrong, I don't go out just for attention but when my friends are getting chatted up or when I get pushed out of our circle by guys wanting to dance with my friends it really upsets me. I also always get left on my own. I know I'm not ugly or anything like that. As I also said, I don't go out just for the attention so it's not like I'm desperately making eyes at every guy I see. It's always happened to me. I've never met anyone in a club and it's just a bit depressing sometimes. Makes me feel fat and ugly.

littlesurfer

do you dress differently than your friends or do you think you could be giving off a hostile vibe??


To be honest, you might be better off. In my experience, those guys aren't the ones you really want to get to know!

humanji

It happens me all the time. In fairness, as is pointed out so many times on this forum, a lot of people (guys mainly) go to nightclubs just to score. Maybe your friends just look too slutty, which attracts the guys, and you're just too classy, which makes the guys think they don't stand a chance with you! Do you really want a drunk slobbering all over you? Be thankful you have elegance and class!

c - 13

TBH you probably look disintrested.
Disintrested women = Greater chance of rejection
Therefore,
Chance with interested girl > Chance with disinterested girl

LegacyUser

'I'd tend to agree with c - 13. I know a girl who is quite attractive (at least 10 of my (male) friends have commented to that effect). However, when she's out she rarely gets approached. I think the reason is that - in her case - she gives off a strong vibe of being unapproachable. She is a really nice girl - and only gives that vibe off when she's out in a club.

I'd guess that if you smile and make brief eye contact and look approachable (not slutty!) you should do fine!'

Victor

Make some guys night. Talk to him. Just talk, you need go any further, but you can if you both want.

Ruu_Old

Go over and say hi, introduce yourself and have a dance with someone the next time you are out. Don't wait around for someone to chat with you, as has been mentioned you might be better off if some of the fellas didn't as they are just after teh score. It can't hurt to try.

BigCityBanker

in the immortal words of vodafone "its good to talk" - why dont you initiate conversation with some guys (if u can find one who aint just out for a score that is)

good luck.

Marksie

I gave up talking in nighthclubs years ago. people yelling in my ear caused it to ring.

Maybe you are giving off vibes, but as Victor said..why dont you talk to someone?

But what types are you going to find in clubs at the end of the night..would they be worth talking to?

joebhoy1916

Why do woman always want men to make first move?

You said you dont go out for attention but if you would like to be with a guy that you see go over and talk to him or something if he isn't interested dont get upset just go to the next guy.

A guy has never chatted you up? To be honest that's hard to believe even if you were ugly believe me and you I often woke up to someone's that sure as hell didn't look like that when I went to bed. That's called been drunk. As a few people already said guys go out to laid well some do at the end of the night a guy is gonna be well drunk and go off with anyone no matter what they look like..

If you smoke when you go out for a fag go over and ask a guy you might like for a light or something.

Make an effort.

Carrigart Exile

kindannoyed wrote:

Whenever I go out drinking I never get attention from guys. Now don't get me wrong, I don't go out just for attention but when my friends are getting chatted up or when I get pushed out of our circle by guys wanting to dance with my friends it really upsets me. I also always get left on my own. I know I'm not ugly or anything like that. As I also said, I don't go out just for the attention so it's not like I'm desperately making eyes at every guy I see. It's always happened to me. I've never met anyone in a club and it's just a bit depressing sometimes. Makes me feel fat and ugly.

From a male perspective their are women whom you instantly find sexy and you want to get into bed (possibly your friends) and there are women whom you take one look at and would love to be married to (possibly you). For young lads at a nightclub after one thing, its your friends they will chase; nightclubs probably aren't the best places as well. However, I'll bet you end up the happiest married/partnership of all of your friends.

LegacyUser

I don't know why you all assume that I never approach a guy. I do, quite regularly and it almost always goes nowhere, but that's probably my fault.

I'm annoyed that I never get approached, I always make the first move, I'd like a guy to make the first move once.

Wez

When I go out to clubs (I'm a guy) I tend to not really bother with trying to score and I just have a good time. I tend to have alot more fun than my friends, even if most of them pull and I don't. But I find at house parties or whatever it's much easier to get talking to people because you don't have to shout your mouth off for them to hear you. I tend to be pretty shy when approaching females, but it's gotta be done and if the girl makes the first move then it tends to work out much easier. Also, for the record, I'm a guy and I actually prefer relationships to one nighters..

LegacyUser

Just get langers and your bound to pull. But you won't thank me in the morning when you wake up in your bed with a massive hang-over and a disgusting snoring creature!

On a serious note, there's more to life than pulling in a night club. If you're a nice attractive girl like you say you are you should have no trouble finding male attention in other less tacky environments.

MojoMaker

kindannoyed wrote:

Makes me feel fat and ugly.

Why would being ignored make you feel fat and ugly??

Are you slightly overweight? Are your friends all toned & slim? This could be why you're being passed over. Remember in the context of a nightlcub it's all visual - there are no prizes for being a great conversationalist, it's all in the eye, and if you're carrying a little you may find nightclubs to be less than rewarding. What about shifting social focus to late/disco bars instead, where at least you may get more opportunities to engage in conversation etc?

Rb

marksuttonie wrote:

But what types are you going to find in clubs at the end of the night..would they be worth talking to?

Unless I happen to be there, I'd say 100% of the guys in clubs aren't worth giving any interest to

For some reason, around 95% of the guys you'll come across in clubs have gone out for one reason and one reason only (i.e to bed someone) so if they're the type you want to get to know then go for it, but generally they're not worth it.

humanji wrote:

Maybe your friends just look too slutty, which attracts the guys, and you're just too classy, which makes the guys think they don't stand a chance with you!

Funnily enough that could well be one of the reasons. If it is, OP just remember you don't have to dress like them or anything, be yourself. Don't worry about guys in clubs, really, you're not missing anything. Just concentrate on meeting nice guys out of clubs (through friends or something) and you'll be a lot better off for it.

humanji wrote:

Do you really want a drunk slobbering all over you? Be thankful you have elegance and class!

I agree!

Black Swan

Do you wear a ring on your wedding finger? I do that sometimes when I just want to have a quite drink and not be bothered by the wolves.

panda100

kindannoyed wrote:

I don't know why you all assume that I never approach a guy. I do, quite regularly and it almost always goes nowhere, but that's probably my fault.

I'm annoyed that I never get approached, I always make the first move, I'd like a guy to make the first move once.

It happens to all of us. Ive just stopped going to nightclubs now cos they just make me feel crap.Guys rarely come up to me and Im sick of making the effort myslef at this stage. Irish guys in general are very slow at making the first move.Thats definatly in my experience anyway,I always have to ask the guy out!
Dont let it get you down op..It happens to the best of us

Firetrap

Sometimes being approached by guys in a nightclub can be a right pain in the neck if they're the sort who are very hard to get rid of and can't pick up the hint that you're not interested.

Have you tried asking your friends if you look a bit hostile when you're standing there? Maybe you're giving off negative vibes, even if you're not aware of it. Nightclubs can be overwhelming places

Catari Jaguar

When i went clubbing I would wear baggy pants and a lil string top,every other girl would be dressed like hookers, way too obvious. I stood out, got more attention than they did.

The main way of getting a guy is through dancing. You know how there are the girls who dance so slutty but look ridiculous cos they're uncomfortable or awkward? Just be confident in yourself, and that will come through, have a laugh and you'll look fun and approachable. What do you think your friends are projecting that gets them attention?

Most of the time I used to hit on guys i liked. I suggest doing that instead of waiting for them to come to you.

Aoife-FM104

Bitchy question but, are you overweight?

Faith

Lil Kitten wrote:

When i went clubbing I would wear baggy pants and a lil string top,every other girl would be dressed like hookers, way too obvious. I stood out, got more attention than they did.

Me too. The nights I get most attention from men are the nights that I'm dressed as myself, ie. wearing baggy jeans with my hair in a ponytail.

Catari Jaguar

Faith wrote:

Me too. The nights I get most attention from men are the nights that I'm dressed as myself, ie. wearing baggy jeans with my hair in a ponytail.

*high five*:D

LegacyUser

'I know this must be hard for you. It's terrible if you are overweight and unattractive and not getting the attention from guys that your friends are. But from my experience most Irish women are not very attractive and maybe you are being too hard on yourself. Find a good gym and start dressing differently and you'll begin to feel better about yourself.'

spacecoyote

it really could be a case of you don't seem like the type that a guy would go for in a club. I'm a bloke and would have a (kinda) similar experience. I tend to attract "nice" girls, girls who want to go out with me. I've a mate who is the opposite, it seems like only sluts (it is the only appropriate word for them) are attracted to him. I don't mind really, i've got a gorgeous girlfriend and i'm happy. My mate meets up with random slags and he's happy. Each to their own. Maybe guys just aren't approaching you because they don't think they'll get laid, simple as that. If you're not that type of girl, then don't worry about it too much, you'll eventually find the right guy for you!

oh and as far comments about weight, etc... made previously, i really don't think thats a factor in this. I know this may sound callous, but alot of guys trying to pull in clubs won't aim for the stunning girl, they'll go for the girl who they think they'll be able to shag, so their weight, looks etc... are not a major factor. It smore to do with how you present yourself and the impression you give off

Húrin

Faith wrote:

Me too. The nights I get most attention from men are the nights that I'm dressed as myself, ie. wearing baggy jeans with my hair in a ponytail.

Yes, that's also cos you're more approachable to most fellas than the girl who's "dressed to kill" to the point of being intimidating. Maybe that's the OP's problem.

Webmonkey

For some reason i prefer girls when they not "dresed to kill" and havn't their hair done in some wierd way

LegacyUser

'Hey OP, Im a 23 yr old male and go to nightculbs all the time. But I find it hard to approach women. What would you like men to say to you.

I see women standing around and I think thez would love someone to talk to them but its hard to know what to say

This is a genuine question. I know im over anazlising it and all that but I just have no idea what to say to a complete stranger.'

Dragan

Faith wrote:

Me too. The nights I get most attention from men are the nights that I'm dressed as myself, ie. wearing baggy jeans with my hair in a ponytail.

The reason? Because it shows your happy being you….no offence to ladies who like to put in the effort but I honestly cannot remember what a single "hot" girl that I say out over the last three months looked like. They all blend into this mess in my memory. Now that hot chick on Grafton street? Oh yeah, I remember her.

Just dress how you are comfortable would be my advice?

pbsuxok1znja4r

marksuttonie wrote:

I gave up talking in nighthclubs years ago.

Ditto. I've probably ruined my own hearing through music, loud guitar playing and all and having a coupla pints on me only makes it worse. It's absolutely impossible for me to hear/have a conversation inside pretty much any nightclub. And I'm not a smoker so going outside isn't really something I'd wanna do. Ah well, I live without 'em.

turbot

Whenever I go out drinking I never get attention from guys. Now don't get me wrong, I don't go out just for attention but when my friends are getting chatted up or when I get pushed out of our circle by guys wanting to dance with my friends it really upsets me. I also always get left on my own. I know I'm not ugly or anything like that. As I also said, I don't go out just for the attention so it's not like I'm desperately making eyes at every guy I see. It's always happened to me. I've never met anyone in a club and it's just a bit depressing sometimes.

If you've never met anyone at a club.... firstly, how old are you? How often do you go out?

Second, in what situations do you get attention from guys, if not in nightclubs?

Third, what are you actually looking for? A kiss? A one night stand?

And most importantly, when you go out, what kind of mood are you in? Are you confident? Do you fancy yourself? Are you a good tease? Interaction is a complex game, after all. If you fancy yourself, you'll get further.


As a general comment - if you are want to be approached, learn to dress and behave in a way that is more alluring and approachable.

Because:

If I looked at you, and you looked like a physically above average, depressed pessimist, I would stay away from you, as your attitude would put me off.

If on the other hand, I looked at you and could envisage having fun talking to you, I'd probably talk to you, or dance with you, if only for a while to suss you out more.

If I looked at you and based upon what I could see, started to imagine that you were capable of exceeding my naughtiest fantasies, I might approach more tentatively... and the sense I got from you would be especially important.

I've met some gorgeous women who are sometimes lonely because guys are intimidated by them ( I helped make it up to them ).