How can I get over it?

LegacyUser

Eight months ago I meet this really great bloke on a night out and we really hit it off, had common interests, made each other laugh, just got on great etc etc!
Nothing happened between us on this occasion.
We stayed in contact and built up the closest bond talking everyday and sharing deepest secrets and becoming really great friends.

We did had our first date 4 months ago and began basically for 4 months we met up here and there and really have had a wonderful time!
I've never connected with someone like that before and also had such intensity and just an amazing time, then out of the blue 2 weeks ago he texts me and tells me that he had a good time with me but can't do it anymore and he is sorry for it and can we still be mates! Using excuse that its not working because we're in different unis and don't see each other often.

I've been walking around under a dark cloud ever since, I can't get over it, cry myself to sleep pathetic as it sounds, I can't stop thinking about him, I'm trying to hate him for being so awful at the end but I can't because I'm still in love with him. Everyone keeps telling me to just get out there, there's plenty of fish and so forth but I just want him, how can I get over this? How can I be is friend? I'm completely heartbroken after only a few months and I feel very alone

LegacyUser

I don’t know what advice to give you but I just want to let you know that you are not alone.
I am in a very similar situation and I understand how bad you feel right now. I have been seeing someone for 6 months and due to the distance between us he decided we were better off as just friends! That was just last week. I don’t believe his excuse. I am heartbroken and have cried myself to sleep nearly every night since.
I felt we really had something between us. He was always the one to encourage a more serious relationship and I was the laid back one. But this has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I don’t think we can be friends right now because I still want to be close to him, because I love him. This is not fair on me (or you) - they get everything they want, and we get left with broken hearts.
We can get through this. Next week the pain will be a little duller, a few weeks after that we will start to enjoy ourselves again.
Try to keep busy. Call your friends, arrange to meet for coffee / dinner after work /college. Sitting at home alone thinking about it is the worst thing you can do.
Put on a brave / happy face even if you don’t feel like it on the inside. I’m convinced some of the ‘happy façade’ wears off and you start to believe part of it. If nothing else peoples reaction to you will be more positive and that can also help. I am telling myself he is not worth my tears, and my time is too precious to be spent thinking about like him (and making me miserable).
You are strong and while it is not easy you will get through this, and be happy again

humanji

It'll happen to most of us at one point or another and it's never easy. As the previous poster said, keep yourself busy. If people are going out, then go with them. If they're not going out, then try and make them.

The worst thing you can do is shut yourself off from everyone. Get yourself out there and sooner or later you'll feel a whole lot better. I would really advise remaining friends with him. He basically used you and cast you aside when it wasn't going his way. He's not worth pining over, even if you really did seem to connect (and since he decided you weren't the one for him, you obviously didn't connect as much as you thought you did. Sad, but true.).

He's not worth the time and effort, and keeping in touch with him is only going to give you false hope that you might get him back. Trust me, I know this from experience!

whiskeyman

Happens to us blokes too.
Similar thing happened to me last week. Girl I was head over heals in love with for nearly 8 mths just ended it. She still won't give me a reason why, and said she just wasn't sure.
I still feel so numb and keep thinking about her, but I know I have to move on. You have to realise other things that keep you happy and busy. I know it's tough, but life does go on.
Best of luck
x

Pirbright

Hey OP,

You're most definitely not alone. Going through the same at the moment. Not eating, sleeping, lost focus in work, lost focus on my final year lectures (at night) and have fallen into a level of sadness I never thought existed. Friends are telling me the same thing - move on. Easier said then done. But if I let this get me down I'm digging deeper and deeper which will take longer to get out of. Fighting the feelings is hard but doing small things to climb out is the answer. its by no means 'get fixed quick' solutions but it builds the esteem and pride back over time. I've set myself goals which I'm trying to hit so that when i do get over her and move on, I'm stronger and more open to giving this 'love' thing a go again. Might sound like hollow words but Time Does Heal.......

humanji

Geez, we should start a support group

whiskeyman

humanji wrote:

Geez, we should start a support group

The Boards Breakup Buddys

Seriously though, a breakup is always a tough time. Depending on the person, the mind can really wander and the pain felt can be terrible. I'm just trying my best to get over it. There's no denying it won't be tough, because it will, but you just have to accept it and deal with it. These things, I believe, happen for a reason. I honestly thought this girl was 'the one', but she obviously didn't feel the same way, or perhaps it just wasn't the time. Just gotta pick myself up, dust down, and get back to living life to the full. I hope you (and you will) can do the same and be happy again.

LegacyUser

'Most of you are suggesting that I cut all ties with him, since he broke if off with a text he decided that we should meet up and do it formally face to face. As he is in college in Belfast and I'm in Cork, this would involve him coming to see me. I'm completely unsure of how to deal with this meet up, as he wants to be friends and I want more! How can I do this?'

Black Swan

Sad story. Try to get out more.

humanji

UpsetConfused wrote:

'Most of you are suggesting that I cut all ties with him, since he broke if off with a text he decided that we should meet up and do it formally face to face. As he is in college in Belfast and I'm in Cork, this would involve him coming to see me. I'm completely unsure of how to deal with this meet up, as he wants to be friends and I want more! How can I do this?'

Remaining friends isn't going to be easy at all. You'll probably start fooling yourself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, you'll get back together, when it's highly unlikely, and considering he dropped you just because of distance (or inconvienience for him!), he'll probably have no problems dropping you at a future time. IMO you won't be able to maintain just a friendship.

is_that_so

The friends thing if it happens will be quite a while after the breakup. Sometimes it's best left there because the relationship was not built on friendship. By this I mean would you turn to this person in a crisis and not because you have strong feelings for them? You can love someone and not actually like them.
Breakups a part of life but the heartbreak that goes with it doesn't get any easier to bear. Time as they say heals.