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Should I ask her on a real date?

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  • 22-11-2006 1:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Apologies for going unreg, but she might be on boards....

    Over the last couple of months I have been meeting up with a girl I am interested in (She is Friend of a friends friend) Usually for lunch or after work for a chat and a drink. We have met up a few times, just getting to know each other I suppose. We get on really well and have a laugh. I am not sure if she is interested in me. I'll get some signs that she might be interested then nothing...

    But while we were chatting she mentioned (Out of the conversation context) that she was on a date with some guy last weekend and that it was a disaster. It got to me..
    Then let me know that she would not be seeing him again even though he has been chasing her.

    It sounds to me that she was dropping hints for me to ask her out? But I am not sure...

    Have any other boardsies used this tactic? Or is it just another case of whenever you are into someone, you pick up on the slightest hint that she likes you.

    Thanks for your help.


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    #2
    Drift
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    I think for your own sake you have to ask her out. Even if she says no you need to let her know how you feel. Otherwise you'll be meeting her regularly having these feelings for her and she'll be blabbering away about whatever guy she's dating at the moment. That'll really hurt you in the long run.

    You know her quite well at this stage, just grab the bull by the horns and say "Well if that guys not getting a date again how about giving me one instead?"


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    #3
    Dammer
    Registered Users Posts: 343 ✭✭Dammer


    Agreed.

    For your own sake ask her out. At least you will know where you stand. I can understand you trying to determine if she likes you, but she has met up with you a few times already. That denotes some interest.
    Have you suggested meeting up all the time or has she arranged any of the meetings. If not you may be in the friend zone...

    As for her using "Tactics" it is possible that it was a subtle hint. Men generally cannot pick up these signals.

    Maybe meet her after work and just take it from there, say how about we go out for dinner after work one night, flirt a little see if she responds. Have fun move closer to her. How does she react?? Take it from there...

    Good luck though.


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    #4
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,231 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Sounds like a subtle hint to me. Ask her out.


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    #5
    sobriquet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 413 ✭✭sobriquet


    Ask her out.

    Don't be too blunt though, I've tried that and it doesn't make a good impression. (I don't think drifts statement would be well received.)

    Maybe the next time you're talking to her ask her about the disastrous date and what it entailed (ie, where they went etc) and ask what a good date would be like. If she says, oh well, go for a drink in a quiet pub - ask her where. Then ask if she wants to go for a drink there some evening so. She'll know fully well what you're implying.

    Don't do it without a thick skin and a casual manner though. If she declines and you look heartbroken she's in an awkward position. Try to allow her to save face too.

    All the best, hope it works out.


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    #6
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    sobriquet wrote:
    Ask her out.

    Don't be too blunt though, I've tried that and it doesn't make a good impression. (I don't think drifts statement would be well received.)

    Maybe the next time you're talking to her ask her about the disastrous date and what it entailed (ie, where they went etc) and ask what a good date would be like. If she says, oh well, go for a drink in a quiet pub - ask her where. Then ask if she wants to go for a drink there some evening so. She'll know fully well what you're implying.

    Don't do it without a thick skin and a casual manner though. If she declines and you look heartbroken she's in an awkward position. Try to allow her to save face too.

    All the best, hope it works out.

    Loving your work! What a stroke of genius, a perfect way to go about it. That way if she chooses to realise that she is being asked out it's all good. oooh, good luck, hope it goes well.;)


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    #7
    Drift
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    sobriquet wrote:
    I don't think drifts statement would be well received.

    I meant him to say it tongue in cheek LOL, but you're probably right.

    "The Drift method - Why use a spoon to crack your egg when a sledgehammer will feck it up much faster"

    Sobriquet sounds like he knows what he's on about OP. It's a way of going about it that lets her know your interest but also allows her to save face if she wants to turn you down without having to say she's not interested in you.


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    #8
    sobriquet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 413 ✭✭sobriquet


    Drift wrote:
    ...
    Heh, well your way sounded a bit like asking outright for sloppy seconds.

    I'm glad ye think I know what I'm talking about. I'm bloody hopeless with women in real life. Good thing there's an internets!

    OP, one more thing about the whole casualness. If she says no or looks a bit shocked and indicates that she's in an awkward position, move the conversation on quickly. Don't let yourselves sit in awkward silence after it. If you need to, just say "hey, sorry to make you feel awkward, but I like you, I had to ask." Keep moving the conversation on. But that said, get an answer, don't apologise just after asking, you'll look daft. You know what you want, don't apologize for wanting it.

    Great thing about being shot down pretty often, you learn to do it in style.


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    #9
    Drift
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,395 ✭✭✭Drift


    :confused: Sloppy seconds?????? Uh oh, I never thought it could be construed that way.

    Any more female boardsers care to comment on the OPs situation. Have to admit that I'm interested in how they'd handle it.

    At least everyone so far is agreed that he has to act on it. :)


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    #10
    0utshined
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,746 ✭✭✭0utshined


    Unreg007 wrote:
    Have any other boardsies used this tactic? Or is it just another case of whenever you are into someone, you pick up on the slightest hint that she likes you.


    Haven't used that tactic but seen it been used by friends.

    Went on a date + Didn't work out = I'm single + Ask me out you idiot.

    It's meant as a subtle suggestion but until I had it pointed out to me I wouldn't have noticed it before. Could be different for your girl but take the chance anyway if you would like to get with her. There's no real downside here for you.


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    #11
    chamlis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭chamlis


    A bit of Hypothetical wouldn't go astray.

    "Now if I took you out on a date, I'd take you to......."
    If she doesn't wrinckle her nose at the whole concept you could just say let's do it.

    2 cents.


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    #12
    gandalf
    Registered Users Posts: 26,458 ✭✭✭✭gandalf


    TBH OP sobriquet has shown you the way. Good luck and Nike !!!!


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    #13
    Red Alert
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 7,485 ✭✭✭Red Alert


    I'm in a situation like the OP at the minute too. I'm trying to weigh up the possibility of a lost friendship, against the fact that I think this has to come out sometime.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Dammer wrote:
    Have you suggested meeting up all the time or has she arranged any of the meetings. If not you may be in the friend zone...

    The dreaded Friend Zone

    I seem to do all the running. But she did suggest meeting up after work the first time. Only after when I did not contact her at all (for about 10-14 days) Other then that time I contact her. Which I don't mind as I believe the guy should do the chasing.But I would prefer to be more sure if she was interested in me.

    I have no problem asking a girl out, but I have been shot down twice before in the last few months with different girls and if she was to turn me down. Well my confidence would be rock bottom. Do not really want to be feeling down over the Christmas. There are also a couple of other things that I can not reveal here
    sobriquet wrote:
    Maybe the next time you're talking to her ask her about the disastrous date and what it entailed (ie, where they went etc) and ask what a good date would be like. If she says, oh well, go for a drink in a quiet pub - ask her where. Then ask if she wants to go for a drink there some evening so. She'll know fully well what you're implying.

    Yes I thought this was a brilliant idea. If we talk about that date again I might give it a go... Again I need to gauge her interest. I suppose just keep looking for some more signs... Or just grab the Bull by the horns... Heh
    Outshined wrote:
    Went on a date + Didn't work out = I'm single + Ask me out you idiot.

    Very good Mathmatical equation.. Are there any constants there at all and I need to reduce the variables first before multiplication :-)

    chamlis wrote:
    A bit of Hypothetical wouldn't go astray.

    "Now if I took you out on a date, I'd take you to......."
    If she doesn't wrinckle her nose at the whole concept you could just say let's do it.

    Again another great idea, which I really liked. Kind of a nice sneaky way of asking her out. I'm sure I will ask her out at some stage but not until I'm pretty sure she wants to go on a date with me... I'll probably meet her in the next forthnight or sooner but will probably send txts to her during that time so I might try some of your suggestions when I see her next...


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    #15
    Heisenberg.
    Registered Users Posts: 7,541 ✭✭✭Heisenberg.


    This post has been deleted.


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    #16
    jdivision
    Registered Users Posts: 4,260 ✭✭✭jdivision


    Red Alert wrote:
    I'm in a situation like the OP at the minute too. I'm trying to weigh up the possibility of a lost friendship, against the fact that I think this has to come out sometime.
    It doesn't have to end in lost friendship, I'm still very close friends with a couple of girls I liked and told them about it at the time.


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    #17
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Go for it OP, you've nothing to lose and you'd regret it if you never did anything about it later down the line when someone else has gotten to her.
    "What ifs" are not nice to live with.


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    #18
    sobriquet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 413 ✭✭sobriquet


    Don't wait for her to bring it up. Wait for a lull in the conversation and say, "hey, you know that crap date you were telling me about?" and go from there.

    What you don't want are "sneaky" ways of asking her out that are somehow sufficiently ambiguous to cover your fear of rejection. What I proposed allows her to save face, not you. If she shoots you down, you'll still feel like s***.

    You know what you want, you're just afraid of rejection. Just do it, or you'll wait and wait and she'll move on. You'll wreck yourself over it and the opportunity will have long passed. As time passes the number of those signals will decrease, be sure of it - meet her next week (or sooner), ask her then.


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