Am I just being petty and difficult?

Faith

This is a long one, so sorry!

Basically, in the tradition of Irish students, myself and my friend (A, we'll say) are planning on going to the States next summer. We both decided straight away that we were only going to go with people we really liked, so we wouldn't be stuck with a bunch of people we dislike, 6000 miles away from home, for 4 months.

When we got to discussing it, I suggested San Diego as out destination. I've wanted to go to California for my entire life, and I was seriously considering applying to some Universities in San Diego (I didn't in the end because of the cost). My friend agreed to SD.

Our other two friends (B and C) had been humming and hawing about the whole "America" idea, saying they weren't bothered. Here's the complicated bit: B and C are friends with a big group of guys who I and A, for the most part, can't stand. They're rude, ignorant, spoiled, D4 types **** who have no respect for anyone or anything. They will destroy your house during a party without a second thought. They will break things and not apologise. I don't even like going out with them at night as they are uncontrollable when drunk, and it's astonishing to me that none of them have been arrested yet.

However, while browsing C's Bebo page earlier, I noticed that some of the lads had been leaving her comments about making plans for next summer. Then I saw this "Yeah, I think San Diego would be a cool place to go!" They obviously got the idea from me, and now they seem to think that they're welcome to come along with me and A. I haven't spoken to A yet about it, but I'm pretty sure she'll feel the same way as me. I would rather stay home in Ireland than go away with that bunch of guys. I'm really upset as I feel that my trip will be ruined if they're there.

It has been suggested that I and A just get our own place with some others, but that's not really plausible. Firstly, C & D would freak out if I refused to live with them and would demand to know why I'm being so "difficult". Secondly, we'd still be expected to socialise with the guys, and I don't think I could even put up with that. I just got a text from D a while ago saying "Are you going to San Diego next summer? If so, what are your plans?" They're obviously discussing it now, so I wrote back and baldly said "Yeah, but I see the lads are planning to, too. I'll go somewhere else if they go there".

I will go somewhere else, I don't care. My flatmate is Californian and has been suggesting many alternate places. However, I'm píssed off that this scenario has even arisen. Also, I regret that this means that I probably won't be able to go away with two of my best friends, because they'll choose the bigger group.

Now I'm wondering, am I just being difficult? Would it really be so bad going away with them? Should I give in and agree to go with the lads for the sake of harmony, even if it means sacrificing my enjoyment?

I'm sorry, that was one long whinge, but I am looking for your opinions!

No, don't go with the lads just because they're being difficult
this trip was your and A's idea, if the others are so intent on going they can go somewhere else
you're not in the wrong here at all
although have you explained any of this to c or d?

Rb

tbh Faith, if you go to SD you're just going to be stuck around hundreds of Irish people you already know (or know through someone).
Even if you did come up with the idea within that group, chances are if they're going to the states they'd go there anyway. Go somewhere else, you'll be better off for it.

You may be being just a tad difficult about it, its a big state like and its not as if you could turn around and go "We don't want you in SD". Just go somewhere else if you think you're going to be stuck with them and as a consequence have your summer ruined, or stop being so difficult!

Faith

Quick replies, guys, thanks!

bluewolf wrote:

although have you explained any of this to c or d?

No, not yet. They're still in Ireland and I won't be back from uni for 3 weeks. I'll discuss it with them then, although D (who's my best friend) has already said that she'll go to the States "if there's the whole group of us going". So I'd say my being a dissenter won't have much of an impact on them, except they'll probably complain and bitch at me.

Sangre

Seriously, everybody goes to San Diego. They probably would have gone even if they didn't know anyone else was going.

tywy

go to San Fransisco, WAY cooler city!

MojoMaker

Agreed, San Diego is the one Californian city the Americans can't wait to get out of. A rough naval hellhole tbh. But then, that's 'different' right?

Anyway, you've got to sit downn with D and explain your reservations, you might be surprised at the result. For example, A,B,C, and D live together in Sann Diego and the other lads live somewhere else in SD, wouldn't that be pretty much what it's like in Dublin right now?

Faith

Interesting points about San Diego, I'd never thought of it in any other context other than me wanting to go there.

I feel if I'm going to go all the way to California, I might as well go somewhere hot, and San Francisco has temperamental weather! My flatmate suggested Santa Barbara, which might be an idea.

Well, okay, I've been managed to be put off San Diego, so that's something at least!

The problem with D is that she's going out with one of the guys. Where one goes, they all go.

I think it's best to just put it out of my mind until I get home, then I can discuss it with A first and see what she thinks. My loyalties lie with her because we were the original ones who wanted to go away. Also, we've been away together for a long period before and we got on splendidly, so I know I'll have fun with her.

Thanks for the help, everyone!

the_syco

Give them the wrong departure date, and the wrong destination. Thses things happen:D

ferdi

Berkeley, Ca. i hear its ftw

Ruu_Old

Don't put up with them or make a decision just to make everyone else happy. I'll find out about Santa Barbara, my aunt lives there.

DublinEvents

You really need to explain to C and D that you can't stand A and I. If C and D still choose A and I over you, it's clear they are not wise enough to see A and I for the jerks they are. There's no need for you to ruin your vacation because of A and I. Just try to think of a way to go with all these people and still have lots of fun. Life is too short to be worrying about C and D.

Black Swan

Faith wrote:

When we got to discussing it, I suggested San Diego as out destination. I've wanted to go to California for my entire life, and I was seriously considering applying to some Universities in San Diego (I didn't in the end because of the cost). My friend agreed to SD.

Now I'm wondering, am I just being difficult? Would it really be so bad going away with them? Should I give in and agree to go with the lads for the sake of harmony, even if it means sacrificing my enjoyment?

No, why go on a vacation with a bunch of immature brats? Furthermore, I was down to SD a couple of times recently, and sure, there are some good spots (Old Town, Sea World, SD Zoo, Museums, and the beaches), but there are also other things you need to know about. SD has a population problem that's been in the news now and then. Very crowded, with the usual big city crime problems. The freeway conditions are terrible, which can cause long delays trying to get from one place to another. Public mass transport is a joke, so most rely on their cars, increasing the traffic problems. And the smog on some days gets pretty bad.

Why not go with your good friend to a different place in California, and maybe hook up with someone new and fun? If you are outgoing, it's easy to meet people, especially on the beaches.

I live near Balboa Beach in OC where it's not as crowded as SD, there's less crime, the water and air are cleaner (as are the beaches), and is about 15 minutes from Disneyland, about 40 minutes from yet another Sea World and the Getty Museum, and about a 2 hour drive from 13,000 foot mountains (surrounding Big Bear Lake or Arrowhead), or the Palm Springs desert resorts (about 300 feet below sea level), or about an hour drive to Hollywood. Catalina Island is 26 miles out into the Pacific, with daily boats that take you out to that fun place, which is good for diving if you are into that. Depending upon the airline you chose, you can fly from either Dub or via Heathrow to LAX (or connect through NY), then catch a puddle jumper to John Wayne AP in OC, about 4 miles from the beach (or take a shuddle van for a lot less...about $40 USD). The nearby university (University of California, Irvine) has about 40,000 students to play with, if that's your thing. Surfing is a lot better, up to and including The Wedge.

But then again, if you really want to go to a grand California city that's beautiful and has everything, I would go to San Francisco (but this post is getting too long already).

Phenobarbidoll

SF is fantastic. A few friends of mine J1'd there in college, and were ready to move there full time after grad at the end of 3 months. The weather isn't guaranteed sunshine, but hell, it has to be better than an Irish summer at the least. Plus you won't have to squeegie yourself off 10 times a day because of the humidity.

Don't go to the same place as them. Even with a buttload of other Irish students around, the chances of a flaming row happening in the first few weeks is high, and will kill the experience for you.

humanji

DublinEvents wrote:

You really need to explain to C and D that you can't stand A and I. If C and D still choose A and I over you, it's clear they are not wise enough to see A and I for the jerks they are. There's no need for you to ruin your vacation because of A and I. Just try to think of a way to go with all these people and still have lots of fun. Life is too short to be worrying about C and D.

It's like that "Who's on first" gag

In IMO Faith, I think you can count on D going away with her boyfriend, so make plans without her. And you probably should let your reservations concerning those guys to be known to C and D. Not only for the holiday, but in general too. Either that, or put up with it.

ClockWorkOrange

Have a look at Seattle too. Its the pesto of cities! (for all u Seinfeld fans)..

You mentioned US universities being expensive, you can get around that by studying in Canada.. Im starting a phd in Vancouver next year and the price is reasonable.. (4k CAD per year)

Victor

Have your flatmate "find" somewhere where only the two of you are invited. No mice welcome.

Manic Moran

Some of us might like San Diego's Navy trend. Then again, I'm the sort of chap who likes crawling around cruisers.

As a San Francisco Area resident, I have the following observations.

SF area had a bunch of benefits. Decent city, lots of things to do and eat, excellent weather (I'm in shirt sleeves right now), acceptable public transport system, plenty of options within rented-car-driving-distance.

It also has a couple of downsides. Some you won't care about. One of the big ones, however, is cost. This is not a cheap part of the country. As a result, I cannot recommend that you just casually get off the airplane at SFO, SJC or OAK (The three airports, consider the other two, flights might be cheaper than SFO) and say to yourself "OK. Now what?"

The most immediate problem here then is 'how to pay for it'. You might be able to get away with just the two of you sharing a place in San Diego. Two of you sharing a place in San Francisco isn't going to get you much more than a room, unless you've got some pretty decent income lined up. Check prices at www.craigslist.org. Might be able to find work there too. Some places in the SF Bay Area are not safe at all. (Oakland was rated the US's Third-Most-Dangerous City last month, Richmond, right next to it, is demolishing previous violent crime records). Get advice before accepting, even if you think you might be in for a housing crunch. Some areas within San Francisco city are not to be travelled lightly either. Of coure, those will be where the more affordable housing is!

If you do choose to come this way, great rewards can await you. There are other cities in the US, however. Seattle, mentioned above, is seriously worth a look, and you can fly down to San Francisco for a weekend. Denver might be another interesting choice. Consider Austin or Portland as well. If you -must- hit the NorthEast to be near Boston, New York or DC, perhaps Baltimore might be for you.

Oh, lastly, don't worry about only going with one other person. If you're worried about being lonely, we're quite friendly people over here, you'll make more friends to hang out with soon enough. If it's an issue of just not being able to afford a place, pick some place less expensive to go to. The US is a massive country, there's no requirement for you to go to the same places that everyone else goes to!

melekalikimaka

ferdi wrote:

Berkeley, Ca. i hear its ftw

ditto

Manic Moran

FTW evidently has a different meaning here than I'm used to.

Translation, please?

NTM

Ruu_Old

For the win. Link

Victor

Manic Moran wrote:

FTW evidently has a different meaning here than I'm used to.

Translation, please?

NTM

lol, not that one

ftw = for teh [sic] win

Manic Moran

Presumably, then, FTW is a 'Good Thing'(TM).

Don't see it, myself. I mean, Berkeley's all right, and all, but I don't think I'd put it above everywhere else in the Bay Area.

NTM

Húrin

Why San Diego? I've never heard of anything in San Diego. Why not go to San Francisco? At least that city has a name for something.

Húrin

Why San Diego? I've never heard of anything in San Diego. Why not go to San Francisco? At least that city has a name for something.

Faith

the_syco wrote:

Give them the wrong departure date, and the wrong destination. Thses things happen:D

Ha, that would be hilarious! It would probably be easy to do too...

ferdi wrote:

Berkeley, Ca. i hear its ftw

That's a bit further north than I'm really thinking right now. As for the suggestions of Seattle, Portand etc, they are too. I'm pretty dead set on California for this summer, at least.

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

I live near Balboa Beach in OC where it's not as crowded as SD, there's less crime, the water and air are cleaner (as are the beaches), and is about 15 minutes from Disneyland, about 40 minutes from yet another Sea World and the Getty Museum, and about a 2 hour drive from 13,000 foot mountains (surrounding Big Bear Lake or Arrowhead), or the Palm Springs desert resorts (about 300 feet below sea level), or about an hour drive to Hollywood. Catalina Island is 26 miles out into the Pacific, with daily boats that take you out to that fun place, which is good for diving if you are into that. Depending upon the airline you chose, you can fly from either Dub or via Heathrow to LAX (or connect through NY), then catch a puddle jumper to John Wayne AP in OC, about 4 miles from the beach (or take a shuddle van for a lot less...about $40 USD). The nearby university (University of California, Irvine) has about 40,000 students to play with, if that's your thing.

That sounds amazing! Irvine has been suggested alright. I like the idea of the University being there. Is it close to the beach?

H&#250 wrote: »

Why San Diego? I've never heard of anything in San Diego. Why not go to San Francisco? At least that city has a name for something.

It just appealed to me. I don't know why, it just sounded nice. Although I've been well and truely put off from this thread!

I'm thinking about San Francisco alright. I'll put it to A and see what she says.

Thanks for all the replies, guys, I am reading them, even if I don't reply!

Faith

Gah. There's been an update. Today I got an email from A, basically agreeing with my POV. She doesn't want to go away with the guys, and wants to be very choosy about who comes with us. She was concered about C as well, who refused to commit to anything.

About an hour later, I got an email from A saying, "BAD NEWS! C has decided that she's going to the states and she wants everyone to go away together! EVERYONE!" and the tone of the email implied that we'd have no choice in the matter. I replied and told her that C could shag off, I'm making my own decisions.

I just got in and found a text on my phone from C, saying "Okay, the lads are booking J1s and flights to Cali on Fri. Me and D will prob book with them. Let me know yes or no!"

Firstly, I've not done more than exchange a few emails with C since September, and I certainly haven't discussed my plans for the summer with her. Secondly, who the hell does she think she is? I wrote back and said "I'm going to say no. I'll probably not go away with you guys". Now I'm just worried that A will feel pressure to book with them.

This was more of a rant than me asking for actual advice, so sorry!

Chucky the tree

I never understood the appeal of S myself. From what i have heard its 4 months surrond by drunk irish with great weather.


Would it not be cheaper spent the 4 months in Playa de inglos?

LegacyUser

'

Faith wrote:

I'm wondering, am I just being difficult?

Yes. Grow up.'