trying 2 Forget

LegacyUser

I can't seem to forget a girl i was seeing for a couple of months before she left the country to back home. The time during the two months we pretty did much everything even though thinking back now that we were quite opposite to each other. When she was with me, she was funny and always smiling and if we were out with friends she was some what distant from me, not as touch or that. I knew at the time she left that i would miss her and we sort of told each other how we felt one night when we were, really opened up to each other (the first time i have ever done that) She's been back home now almost 3months and we still keep in contact on the phone and e-mail which i find really, really hard lately. I can honestly say during the last 3 months she has been gone she has been on my mind 90% percent of the day ( that’s no lie either ) I don’t think it was love to be honest, but am not sure as i have never been in love before. I just can't seem to forget her at even if i try, little things remind me of her and when we talk or she always saying makes sure you keep in touch etc and the odd text to call which i do as she would call me. As i said i don’t think it was love (maybe it was or is)? it could have been smitten, infatuated or whatever. My point is that i just can't seem to forget her. I might be listening to music and all of sudden she would pop into my head etc. I have thought about calling her and telling her how i feel, but we already told each other as i have said. I also thought maybe see if she would back and get a job and see if it works or vice or versa me go over there.

I was just wondering am i only gobsh*te who is thinking about someone who was say “in the past” 90% of the day for the last 3months.

Anyone got any advice on what to do or just advice in general would be nice.

Black Swan

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

I was just wondering am i only gobsh*te who is thinking about someone who was say “in the past” 90% of the day for the last 3months.

Sounds like love to me. Does she feel the same about you? If so, figure out a way to close the gap. Love is just too precious to lose.

Ruu_Old

You are tormenting yourself here, either talk to her and let her know how you feel, at least you know either way. Move on and keep busy if this is not what you want (or she wants).

Oh, if you want to know about my long distance relationship story, it is quite the fairtale, feel free to send me a PM. Long story short, I'm married over 2 years from a long distance relationship, both live in the US now but it used to be me in Ireland and herself in the US, we were apart for over a year at once stage though. I worked my backside off so I could scrape money together to go over and visit when I could.

Medina

It will fade eventually, how long really depends on how attached you got to her even if you didn't realise it

Rb

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Sounds like love to me. Does she feel the same about you? If so, figure out a way to close the gap. Love is just too precious to lose.

I agree with this.

OP: Distance is only a problem if you let it be one, if both parties are interested in pursuing the relationship then it shouldn't be too hard to make it work. You can close the gap i.e one moves to be with the other or keep it long distance, once both are interested in it long distance can certainly work (look at Ruus for example! ). Tell her how you feel, hopefully she'll feel the same and you can sort it out. If she doesn't, then you've just got to move on, there's nothing you can do really 'cause theres no way you'll be able to change how she feels, but things and people change so you never know what the future will bring. Being optimistic helps.
Life is far too short to pass up these opportunities, if you do you'll regret it an awful lot longer than if you'd tried and got an answer/reaction that you didn't want.

Good luck

LegacyUser

To OP (Grrrrrrr) ; Have you started going out with anyone else since?

LegacyUser

mr rtidsf wrote:

To OP (Grrrrrrr) ; Have you started going out with anyone else since?

I went into town a few weeks ago and got talking to a girl from south africa, she was lovely got her number etc and we agreed to go out alone. I never called her and she couldn;t contact me as i didn't give her my number. I haven't be bothered when going out looking to meet anyone and most times i get depressed and moody after a few drinks ( this has only happened a few times ) but know one serious.

LegacyUser

'Something sort of similar happened to me once. Being in different countries got in the way. Yes, there will be always that 'what if', but at the same time, I've moved on+ am with someone really cool for the last number of months. It's hard to stop thinking about someone, when you haven't moved on yet.'

ats

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

I can't seem to forget a girl i was seeing for a couple of months before she left the country to back home. ......... I have thought about calling her and telling her how i feel, but we already told each other as i have said. I also thought maybe see if she would back and get a job and see if it works or vice or versa me go over there.

.

was in a similiar situation 10 years ago. We met while she was on vacation and ended up writing and calling for 3 years, but i made the mistake of not telling her. long stort short she meets a guy in college and never contacts me again. I tried once or twice to contact her, left messages and so on. no response so i gave up. 10 years later i had a brain fart and googled her. she's married with 4 kids and we write each other every week now. found out why she stopped taking my calls too. she was "into me so bad" and felt it not fair on me with the distance thing, and the guy she had met.

I made a joke and said to her recently "if neither of us where married i'd be living in LA" (where she is) and she said "yeah, if neither of us where married i'd probably be living in ireland". kinds knocked me for six that statement but it was nice to hear that it wasn't all one sided even after all this time.

give her a call tell her how you feel. to this day i regret never telling her. we had such a connection. even now 10 years later when we started writing again it was like no time had passed.

what do you have to loose?

Beruthiel

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

She's been back home now almost 3months and we still keep in contact on the phone and e-mail which i find really, really hard lately.

Honestly, you cannot move on while you are still in contact with her. In order to get over her you must cut all contact, otherwise the torture will continue.
It's as simple and as difficult as that.

Marksie

You have talked to her about feelings... why dont you find out for sure how she feels about you.

And the question is what do YOU want to do..or rather what really do both of you want.

If you cannot see a way forward for the relationship, then you must miove ahead with your life, eventually looking back on it as an experience not tto be forgotten, but to be remembered affectionaely.

On the other hand..if you two feel the same about each other.... then in life opportunities like this should be explored... she may move to you or could you move to her. But the both of you must talk about this.

Blue_ lagoon is right about love and how precious it is...
No-one knows what the future holds and this could be something good.. but sometimes for something good you have to take chances.

LegacyUser

'

Beruthiel wrote:

Honestly, you cannot move on while you are still in contact with her. In order to get over her you must cut all contact, otherwise the torture will continue.
It's as simple and as difficult as that.

I thought of that last month and decided that next time we spoke i would start and argument as i knew she would leave me alone and told her not to contact me again. I got a few messages of her later in the day telling me she knew something was up and that i was been immature and she never wanted to speak to me again. I deleted her number and a couple of weeks passed. I was out one weekend and phoned her and apologized and talked and talked and told her how i felt. I said in my OP that we both told each other how we felt and she told me she felt (we were both pissed), but there are other complications that are difficult for her and i don’t want to go into this. I know myself that i would drop everything in a heartbeat and move over with her but its not that easy as that, it never is.

Since my OP i have sorted found it slightly easier to deal with as it helps to hear other peoples thoughts and experiences. I have spoke to a close friend, but he says best trying to forget and move on which i CAN'T seem to do.'

ats

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

'

I know myself that i would drop everything in a heartbeat and move over with her but its not that easy as that, it never is.

'

if you think she's worth it you wont let these things get in the way. you said you would drop everything so i take it there are no complications your side so why not just do it? or even to test teh waters why not book a vacation to that neck of teh woods. that was my one regret I went to the travel agents so many times but because i was in college and not working coulldn't get the £800 for the tickets and then spending money or a J1 visa. many a day went by wondering what if.

better to have tried and failed and all that

LegacyUser

'I took on all the advice and decided to call her on sunday evening. I decided to tell her how i felt even though she already knew. The BIG problem is we started off talking asking how each other was and how your weekend was, the usual crap. Then she drops a BIG bomebshell and tells me she is sort of been seeing someone for the last week or so and had been out a few times and it was more like boy-girlfriend. There was about a minute silence on both ends, i almost hung up, but that would have been childish and stupid. I backed out of telling her how i felt and now i think its too late and whats the point now.

Here's my new problem, like i said before i wasn't sure if i loved her or not, but i now i realise i do LOVE her and i really, really miss her loads. She was brillant always making me laugh, smile and feel good about myself. If i tell her how i feel, how is she going to react or what is she going to say?

What do i do now? I feel like crap in work and can't stop thinking about what she said that if i only rang last week or so.
I hate this, feels like its never going to go away'

ats

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

What do i do now? I feel like crap in work and can't stop thinking about what she said that if i only rang last week or so.
I hate this, feels like its never going to go away'

I think that minute silence was your window, i think she was opening teh door for you to jump right in there and tell her in no uncertain terms that your crazy as hell about her.

my problem was the same, I told her how i felt in a letter but never heard back. I moved went travelling for teh summer and wrote to her and phoned a few times and left messages for her. she never called. I was thinking maybe i should have kept my mouth shut and not told her how i felt and maybe over time she would grow to love me etc. instead while i was being a chicken sh1t she grew to love someone else.

Like i said we are now friends again due to a major Internet SNAFU and from chatting about the old days she told me straight that if i had went to the US that summer i probably would have won her over. damne don't i wish i had a time machine LOL

like i said you have not much to loose, tell her how you feel. some people may say i'm wrong but at least if you tell her and she says "thats nice" at leats you'll know. in my case every so often over the years i found myself thinking "whats she doing? whats her life like, what if i had told her?" I know the answer now but its too late for either of us to do anything about it. she's married with kids so am i and i'm stuck here trying to get a degree and what not.

you have a chance take it. so what if she tells you to feck off at least you'll have some sort of closure, or maybe she says well that guy wasn't really that serious and you guys hook up and it fades, you experienced that moment of happiness and it will live within you and you'll grow and learn from it. and maybe just maybe you'll be posting up here in a few years saying that Grrrrrr Jnr is on the way.

we dont know what the future holds, as i said you have a choce. say something and face her telling you to feck off and not talking to you again, ok the friendship is lost but she's in another country so it will be a little easier to move on. or she may say "my bags are packed and i'm on a plane". you just dont know.

actually this story reminds me of something one of the women in work mentioned, her son is thinking of moving to Australia, he met some lass while she was over and now shes gone home to sydney and he's thinking of following her over. wouldn't be you would it?

seriously mate take the chance in my opinion the not knowing will kill you. you'll wake screaming in the middle3 of the night in 10 years wondering where you life is and why you didn't buy the plane ticket.

out of morbid couriocity what age are you mate? and i'm not gonna start saying grow up or anything so don't worry. my point is if you're young enough and you do hook up and it doesn't work out you still have a lifetime ahead of you to egoy and maybe a new country will open mor doors for you


life is all about risks some bigger than others but the pay offs if you risk it and succed are great. Oh and if Grrrrr jnr does come of this i expect an invite to teh christining

MagnumForce

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

What do i do now? I feel like crap in work and can't stop thinking about what she said that if i only rang last week or so.
I hate this, feels like its never going to go away'

I've got the same thing, only its someone from three and a half years ago. Been thinking about her most of the day, everyday. I had contact with her up until about a year and a half ago, then three weeks ago i ran into her in town, id lost her number when i lost my phone months ago, so i got her number. I still havnt rang her, its difficult.

So man, good luck to you, hopefully it wont last as long as mine!

LegacyUser

'

ats wrote:

actually this story reminds me of something one of the women in work mentioned, her son is thinking of moving to Australia, he met some lass while she was over and now shes gone home to sydney and he's thinking of following her over. wouldn't be you would it?

No, sorry to dissapoint you, but she's not that far way.

Anyway, I've decided that im not going to say anything,probably for the best, i mean the thought of rejection would drive me over the edge at this stage. We normally talk during the week and text but i haven't called or replied to her messages and she has tried calling a couple of times, but i have let my phone just ring out. I she knows how i feel and if she felt the same im sure she would have said something herself. I'm going to break all contact with her as of today and hope that this will help me forget and move on. I know after a few pints this weekend i'll probably call her, but i have already deleted all her messages saved and deleted her mobile number ( which i dont know off the top of my head ) Its time to move on and with working up to x-mas and x-mas itself, i know im going to be really busy and hopfully this will also help me forget.



ATS, I just thought i say thanks for your reply, it was interesting reading your last post, made me smile and laugh at the same time. :-)'

ats

Grrrrrrrr wrote:

'
ATS, I just thought i say thanks for your reply, it was interesting reading your last post, made me smile and laugh at the same time. :-)'

no worries mate, do what you feel is best for you and all teh best with it.

in my case i have the benefit hindsight which is 20/20. to be honest like you i felt the same when she didn't return my calls and letters. (remember it was 12-15 years ago so no email) and i forgot about her but when i came home to Ireland and was going through some old stuff i'd come across things she'd sent or letters and i'd reread them and my feelings came flooding back. and still all this time later she would always come poping into my head. and now to hear from her that she felt like i did back then was a kick in the guts to say the least. i was like Damn wheres my time machine, but i thought maybe it was for a reason. we met at 16 and kept in contact for 4 years. i was a late bloomer so to speak. sure there was teh odd girl in that time but nothing serious, we where both young and it probably wouldnt have lasted, but was still in contact with her all that time and then i went abrouad at 21 and forgot about her after time.

now 12 odd years later we're really close, she's married with kids (he's why she cut contact) and he's pretty ill at the moment and she has said it comforts her that she has me to talk to. her life was rough back when i met her she was adopted at 14 or 15 her real parents treated her like crap so back then i was her only real close friend outside of her adopted family and now with her husband being ill she has me to talk to. so maybe we lost contact for that reason, i believe so because i stumbled upon a photo of her daughter in teh net a few months ago and was struck by her resemblance of her mother so i googled my old friend and found her that way.

but anyway back to the point. Things happen for a reason. if you follow your heart and not your head you can always hold your head up high in my opinion. do whats right for you mate. personally i wouldnt cut all contact, this might alienate her and she is a good friends but if you want to move on then just cool it a little and who knows in a few months this guy she met might turn out to be an arse and she'll come looking for that old comfort again.

who knows. but best of luck mate