Help me!

LegacyUser

Decided to go unregistered for this one.

I have been seeing this girl now for some months. In almost every way, she is brilliant, I mean exceptional!-so thoughtful, vivacious and attractive. We have great fun so much of the time together, which makes this issue a little difficult to broach.

Basically, I give a lift each morning to my boss. This is an arrangement that suits us both as it saves on me having to wait 3-4 months for a parking space at work(I recently started), since I use her apponted one.

However when I told my g/f this, she sort of lost it. Accused me of carrying on with this other woman (who I barely even know!) Said quite bluntly that if I pick her up again, I (and she) will be sorry. She stormed off yesterday evening after I told her and I haven't heard from her since.

Now, my g/f is trained in various Martial Arts. I took this seriously as a threat on my own person. TBH, I am a little bit afraid of her at times, for she has detailed her forms step by step for me on one or two occasions, and I know that she regularly dispatches guys much larger than her on the mat.

What should I do? How do I tell her that there is nothing going on between me and my boss without getting my head kicked off?

dr.bollocko

If your sister came up and told you she was worried about confronting her boyfriend because he might kick her head off, what would you tell her?

aidan24326

You could try speaking to her about it. Maybe she just over-reacted in the heat of the moment? If not, then my friend I'm afraid you have found yourself a bunny-boiler.

craichoe

Buy a can of mace and set off your rape alarm

I used to do martial arts, more than likely she does NOT have an aggressive personality, its just you've let her know that you think she has and shes relying on that.

Stand up for yourself and tell her to shut the f*ck up, shes the only girl for you.

I saw a 25 year old 3rd dan black belt tae kwon do head get floored by a guy that was 3/4's his size and was maybe about 10 years older, the tae kwon do guy start dancing around the place and went to kick him in the chest, the older guy grabbed the back of his head and butt him straight in the nose .. awww man .. he was asking for it though

Its just an example, just because someone does martial arts does not make them a violent or aggressive person, its more of an act attached to the sport.

tbh

dr.bollocko wrote:

If your sister came up and told you she was worried about confronting her boyfriend because he might kick her head off, what would you tell her?

exactly. EXACTLY. walk away now OP.

2funki4wheelz

Lack of trust - bad.
Threats of violence - very bad.
Afraid of your partner - very very bad.

Try a proper chat but if she cannot handle a minor issue like this, what hope have ye when a serious issue comes along. She won't let you sit beside girls on the bus next.

r3nu4l

Threats of violence are not acceptable in any relationship. You need to sit down with her and talk to her. Tell her how you feel about her and that you are quite happy with her but that threatening you is not the way to solve any issue.

She is obviously very insecure in herself. Ask her, if you were giving a guy a lift would she feel the same. Explain that this is a colleague and nothing more. Offer your gf the chance to meet your boss and get to know her. If this does happen, make sure you are a bit couply with your gf and not flirty with your boss!

Just make sure that when you do resolve this she knows that you cannot accept any threats of violence against you. It's childish and stupid.

miles teg

Unless a guy is actually abusive, you don't see women cowering every time a guy gets angry.
Tell her you'll continue to do what you're doing because there's nothing wrong with it and it's conveinient for you. She won't attack you unless she's willing to be kicked out of her martial arts club for starting an unprovoked attack. She should already know this but maybe you need to remind her

Ickle Magoo

11Madrarua11 wrote:

What should I do? How do I tell her that there is nothing going on between me and my boss without getting my head kicked off?

At no point in a relationship should you feel physically threatened or worried for your own - or someone else's for that matter - safety by your partner. You wouldn't put up with it from a stranger, certainly not a friend and definately not from a partner.

You have to sit her down & discuss this with her. If she flies off the handle & suspects cheating at the mere suggestion you are giving your new boss a lift in the car then she obviously doesn't trust you as far as she can throw you. She must have massive insecurity issues & if she can't acknowledge them, address them & be more reasonable in the future then I can only imagine how she will react to female friends, chatting to strangers, etc, etc...even if she doesn't get violent at all, throwing ahissy fit & refusing to speak to you whenever you move within a 5metre radius of another girl is going to get tiredsome very quickly. Best of luck.

Black Swan

Lots of details OP. Are you sure she is not a frequent poster to boards.ie? If so, what you said would be a DEAD giveaway?

I would assume from your description of your g/f that she is a very qualified black belt in her discipline, perhaps a two dan or above, given that she is able to deck MA males in sparring? Depending upon the discipline, she may also be weapons qualified, as some MA requires this for testing and certification at the more advanced levels. A concern, too?

I probably know her, know of her, or have seen her in tournament. There are not too many Irish women in MA with this level of expertise. Then again, she could have gotten her training abroad (as well as tournament competitions)? You did not say if she were Irish. With all the influx of immigrants, she could be an unknown?

Well, the good news is, if she is in fact someone who has trained for years in an MA discipline, there's a good chance she has a lot of self control, and, although she may display her anger or jeolousy over suspicious behaviour, the odds that she would deck you, or chop off your head (if she is training in sword) is not likely. So get a grip, chill out, wait until she calms down, then have a chat with her, perhaps over coffee?

Belle_Morte

dr.bollocko wrote:

If your sister came up and told you she was worried about confronting her boyfriend because he might kick her head off, what would you tell her?

QFT.

Personally, if my boyfriend made a physical threat to me I'd be out of there: immediately, no second chances. I don't see why anyone should tolerate that level of ****e whether they're male or female.

Also, ask yourself what other trivial, half-made-up nonsense is she going to lose the head and threaten you over?

Kell

11Madrarua11 wrote:

How do I tell her that there is nothing going on between me and my boss without getting my head kicked off?

1) Wait till she contacts you. You dont have to go crawling to explain yourself
2) Tell her the situation is not going to change
3) If she goes off her head, show her the door

K-

Marksie

Ickle Magoo wrote:

At no point in a relationship should you feel physically threatened or worried for your own - or someone else's for that matter - safety by your partner. You wouldn't put up with it from a stranger, certainly not a friend and definately not from a partner.
.

I have been in that situation and quite simply got out of it ASAP.
Now if a threat like that is made, i walk.

Assuming that you dont want to do that, then you have to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable

Red Hand

Keep your eyes peeled for any sudden moves on her part when you meet her next. If she looks like she is going to attack you, run-don't look back.

But hopefully it won't come to that. It might have been just something that she needed to get out of her system.

Idbatterim

If this isnt a troll, tell her the story and tell her to get over it.

monkey tennis

11Madrarua11 wrote:

Now, my g/f is trained in various Martial Arts. I took this seriously as a threat on my own person. TBH, I am a little bit afraid of her at times, for she has detailed her forms step by step for me on one or two occasions, and I know that she regularly dispatches guys much larger than her on the mat.

As a martial artist, I find this hilarious! The fact that the general public thinks putting on pyjamas and kicking and punching for a few hours a week gives you super powers is a constant source of entertainment.

Sensible adults don't beat each other up over disagreements. I would think that women generally don't beat men up, as there's usually a significant strength/height/weight difference. Let's be realistic, a woman being able to outfight a man is an exceptional circumstance - assuming you don't live in an action movie of some sort.

With that out of the way, it doesn't sound like she explicitly threatened you with violence (although she does sound nuts :eek: ), so let's deal with the more down-to-earth problem - this kind of ridiculous jealousy is obviously not good in a relationship. This kind of craziness that early on would make me ready to give in - where will it end? If you compromise on this, a completely unreasonable order, she'll expect you to bow to her from then on. Not healthy.

jimmycrackcorm

monkey tennis wrote:

As a martial artist, I find this hilarious! The fact that the general public thinks putting on pyjamas and kicking and punching for a few hours a week gives you super powers is a constant source of entertainment.

Sensible adults don't beat each other up over disagreements. I would think that women generally don't beat men up, as there's usually a significant strength/height/weight difference. Let's be realistic, a woman being able to outfight a man is an exceptional circumstance - assuming you don't live in an action movie of some sort.

There are women out there who are psychos and if you want to be realistic then don't assume that all women are dimunitive and physically incapable compared to their male partners.

monkey tennis

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

There are women out there who are psychos and if you want to be realistic then don't assume that all women are dimunitive and physically incapable compared to their male partners.

Would that by any chance be precisely why I didn't say 'all women'? And if she's really a psycho, then she doesn't need martial arts to be dangerous.

MarkR

Sounds like a bunny boiler to me. Does she work with men, or at any point of the day spend any amount of time alone with them? Or women come to think of it, you never know. If she does ask her to stop.

Obviously this is a ridiculous request to make, so she shouldn't be making the same one. If she can't / won't trust you then you have to decide whether you want to be in a trustless relationship.

Marksie

monkey tennis wrote:

I would think that women generally don't beat men up, as there's usually a significant strength/height/weight difference. Let's be realistic, a woman being able to outfight a man is an exceptional circumstance - assuming you don't live in an action movie of some sort.

Oh i dont know monkey tennis.. in my taekwondo days when sparring the women went for it with bloodlust in their eyes lol.
A few heft kicks to my nether regions perfected my blocking techniques though.

Black Swan

Just curious... So many of these PI posts are left open ended, like a cliff hanger in a film. Want to share? Your choice. You don't have to. But if you do, what happened? Did you discover that you may have exaggerated or she was bluffing or both? Or did you find when you came home there was a bunny in the pot boiling away? Or after reading our posts, did we fail to offer a solution that you could implement, and you are still walking on egg shells around her?