Guys help... girlfriends best friend interfering in relationship.

LegacyUser

hey guys,

just posting here to get your opinion to see what you think of the situation and to give me advice as I know you guys are brilliant at that sort of thing just from reading the forum. I hope you can help me anyway.

I have been going out with a girl 6 months now, we will call her Jane whom I met through her best friend who we will call Sarah who is also a good friend of mine and it's been going really well. I get on so well with her and love being with her and we are really happy with each other.

There is one small problem though...there is always a problem or else I wouldn't be here. It's her best friend Sarah. Who also happens to be a good friend of mine too.

I'll let you know the situation a bit better before i come across as bitching or whatever. Basically I am 22 and live at home and my girlfriend is 21 and lives at home too. Some weekends my parents go away and in recent weeks we have used sunday evenings when my parents are gone as our "make out" time. This has been a regular thing we have been doing to spend some bonding time with each other, we would get dinner, a film and spend quality time with each other. It's been perfect and I loved it.

So Jane and Sarah are in college with each other and Sarah has been giving her some sly digs such as "Oh your spending a lot of time with your boyfriend" or "do you want to go do this" when she knows she is going to be meeting up with me. Basically she is trying to be awkward and is wondering who my girlfriend will choose, her or me without actually saying anything if you get me. And well, as i said, myself and my girlfriend Jane have been having our bonding time on sunday evenings so I was with my girlfriend last night and we were out and she told me that Sarah was wondering what she was up too this sunday(She knows full well that Jane comes over to my house and we spend time on sunday evening) and i was like "oh grand no worries" but it was pissing me off as I knew full well and my girlfriend knew full well that she was trying to get her to choose between her or me.

Well, as the night went on, it was pissing me off that I wouldn't be able to spend my sunday evening that i normally do with my girlfriend as my parents are away this weekend again and it's the only time we can get "affectionate" and have the place to ourselves. So I said to my girlfriend "Can you not try meet Sarah during the day and then u can come to me in the evening?" and she replied "Yeah i'd love to do that but I know Sarah won't be able to do that". I got annoyed and we had a little arguement about it because my girlfriend has to try please her best friend and me. I was probably being selfish. My girlfriend was telling me "it's only one sunday and that she is her best friend" and how she needs to get Sarah off her back and by meeting her on the sunday, this may do that.

We both know full well that Sarah is trying to make her choose between me and her without actually saying it, but by trying to meet up with her when she usually meets me etc which i think is really unfair. Real friends are not supposed to do that. We also know that Sarah is really jealous of the fact that I am going out with her and the fact Sarah does not have a boyfriend. It's basically a pain in the ass and is wrecking my head. I don't want my girlfriend to have to choose between myself and her best friend.

What do i do? The only reason i feel this way is because i am happy in my relationship and really care about the girl.

Catari Jaguar

Tell your girlf to tell Sarah to cop on and grow up. And stand up to her. Say "You know I spend Sun with my boyf. Any other time, I'm free to hang out. Just not Sun". She's being unfair, and if that's the type of "friend" she is then i would drop her in a second.

Failing that, try to find Sarah a bloke of her own.

hunnymonster

I imagine Sarah might be feeling left-out and a bit jealous. It's always difficult when your best friend falls for someone and therefore has less time to spend with you. This especially true if it's always been the two of them against the world. Making Jane choose is only going to make everyone feel lousy. If it really is just one sunday, I'd just lump it. sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear.

NADA

Ah man I know exactly how you feel. My girlfriend broke up with me on Thursday. I am pretty pissed off! It's a really long and complicated story. She text me yesterday morning saying she "will" get back with me and this morning saying she dreamed of us having sex. I don't really know what the situation is but 2 weeks her two friends broke up on the same day. It's probably unconnected.But it is strange that she wants to get back with me but something is stopping her. I know her friends are really jealous of her. It might not be connected but it could be and thats whats really pissing me off. I am trying to get back with her. I forgot to mention that she broke up with me before because she thought her friends didn't like me.

DawnMc

It's difficult, as other posters have pointed out, when your best friend meets someone. However, she is being very sly by trying to meet your girlfriend on Sundays.
I suggest you discuss it with your girlfriend and ask her to sit down with her friend and be honest. Say that she understands it must be difficult that she doesn't see her as often but that she wants to keep Sundays free for the two of you.
Try and get your girlfriend to organise something cool on another day for her and her friend

LundiMardi

TBH... Deal with it.

Your story is not exactly a heartbreaker and you do come across as being quite selfish. You're pissed off cos you girlfriend is taking a night out to be with her best friend instead of coming over to your gaff to suck your díck. I can see why you'd be annoyed, what with looking forward to it for the whole week n all.

If you can't see past these tribulations then you're not going to get far in the relationship. If you're upset because you only have sun evenings to get jiggy with it then be a man and move out, that way you can jiggy stylee ''all night long''.

Sangre

ConfusedBF wrote:

My girlfriend was telling me "it's only one sunday and that she is her best friend"

Exactly.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

jellie

I see your point & why youre frustrated. But dont take it out on your gf.

How do you think she feels? it annoys YOU that shes being made choose? its a horrible situation for her to be put in & youre really not helping. It seems to be happening to me constantly lately, & mostly i dont think its on purpose, but i feel absolutely awful everytime i have to choose. mostly i try to compromise & see my friends & my bf together sometimes, but theres always times you need to see both separately.

Go easy on your gf, its only 1 sunday. if it becomes a regular thing, then make an issue of it.

King of Kings

all guys know this...employ a mate a wingman...a mate with no morals.

Thrill

sar84 is spot on, imo. It's your gf who's in a terrible position here trying to juggle both you and her friend and not wanting to lose both. Try to put yourself in Sarah's shoes as well. She is loseing her best friend to you and not the other way around. She wants to spend as much time with your gf as you do, but she's the one who's loseing out as your gf will start to spend more time with you.
It wouldnt be fair to make Jane have to choose when you could step back every now and then and let them have a little time together.

Chinafoot

Move out.

If Sunday is the only time for you and your girlfriend to be intimate then you need to reassess your living situation. You're 22, perhaps it's time to get your own space.

I have to agree with LundiMardi on this one. You are coming across as completely selfish and like your girlfriend said, it's only one Sunday and this girl is her best-friend.

Maybe her friend is jealous, then again maybe she has a reason to be annoyed that her best mate is spending a lot of time with her boyfriend and neglecting their friendship. You might think that Sarah is making a "sly dig" by saying Jane is spending a lot of time with you but tbh I'd see that as her being honest about how she feels.

It doesn't sound like Sarah is trying to make anyone choose. It sounds like you are though, and tbh, I'd be very surprised to see any girl pick her boyfriend of 6 months over her best friend. Cut your girlfriend some slack. You're only together 6 months and it's important for both people in a relationship to maintain their outside friendships. You could be using the time Sarah and Jane spend together to see your own friends. What happens if you break up? Do you think the mates that have been dropped will be hanging aorund just waiting for either of you to come crawling back?

Have you no friends you could call on Sunday and go for a few pints with?