Problems with first time sex

Reallyconfused

Hey,
Basically the other night me and my girlfriend went home together after a night out, both of us quite drunk. I was a virgin, she wasnt. I must admit she gots me really really hot and horny and I couldnt tell when I was making out with her for ages with just her top off whether I had came already. Well Im sure I did just a tiny bit but by the time we both took our clothes off my penis was still kinda on the bone but not really stiff and upright. Anyway we made out (****ed) with the lights off for the first time which was kinda difficult for the first time and we tryed two different positions. For some reason I just wasnt getting any massive sexual pleasures. I thought maybe the problem was that we were going to slow or I had already came. If maybe I ****ed alot harder I would have came but nothing happened and we stopped without me cumming - well basically I didnt have an orgasm. This was only the first bummer of my first time having sex. The second was when I looked at my hand when I was flushing the condom down the toilet. Both my hands were covered in dry blood. I was touching her around her private parts while having sex and after checking my penis out my pubic hairs were stained with alot of blood too. I was really really confused. Can anybody help me out here? Is that normal? And by the way can I just ask how long does it usually take a normal sexually charged teenager like myself to cum while having sex and do you have to **** her really hard?

rugbug86

Reallyconfused wrote:

when I was flushing the condom down the toilet

classy!

Reallyconfused wrote:

Both my hands were covered in dry blood. I was touching her around her private parts while having sex and after checking my penis out my pubic hairs were stained with alot of blood too.

did you talk to your girlfriend? maybe she had her period or something? if not, blood during sex isn't normal so maybe try the doctor.

For your other problem:

Reallyconfused wrote:

both of us quite drunk.

You were drunk. Guys find it harder to do their thing while drunk.

Reallyconfused wrote:

I was a virgin

You were probably nervous.

Reallyconfused wrote:

I couldnt tell when I was making out with her for ages with just her top off whether I had came already.

In a normal situation, if you cum, how long before you can cum again? Could this have been the problem?

And one more thing:

Reallyconfused wrote:

how long does it usually take a normal sexually charged teenager like myself to cum while having sex and do you have to **** her really hard?

There's no "set" time. I've been with guys who were gentle and came quickly, guys who "f**ked hard" and came quickly, it depends on the guy, the situation and a hell of a lot of other things.

Relax. Spend time to get to know your girlfriend sexually and it will all come naturally. Pardon the pun.

Carrigart Exile

Look mate, despite what some magazines will have you believe having sex and doing it well is a learned experience. Relax, chill and learn to enjoy what comes along when you are with each other. Are you uncircumcised, if so check yourself to make sure you have not broken a small piece of skin that appears to attach the bottom of your foreskin to your penis. Its very very common and bleeds like a hose at the time but will sort itself within a couple of days.

LegacyUser

Reallyconfused wrote:

The second was when I looked at my hand when I was flushing the condom down the toilet. Both my hands were covered in dry blood. I was touching her around her private parts while having sex and after checking my penis out my pubic hairs were stained with alot of blood too. I was really really confused.

Are you definitely sure she wasn't a virgin before you did it?

Reallyconfused wrote:

both of us quite drunk.

Classic case of Whiskey dick. LOL. Dont worry, it's normal.

Catari Jaguar

Oh god :eek: Was she sore? Cos if she was bleeding like that she might be cut or something. Do u have long fingernails? Hmm. You def sure she wasn't a virgin? And no, you don't have to **** her really hard to come, but positions like doggy style might help you come easier. If it was her that was bleeding then rough sex prob isn't the wisest. And use lube too just in case. Try sensitive condoms or tingly ones or sumthn incase it was the condom preventing the pleasurable sensation.

Edit: DON'T flush condoms away!! Sheesh.

LegacyUser

'I'd say the girl just told you she was a virgin, that would explain the blood.'

padser

Ill probably get given out to for being off topic but

a) This is not the sex/sexuality forum, and while you could class this as person issue surely the general rule of only posting in the most relevant forum means that this thread shouldnt have been started in the first place

b) Dont flush condoms down the toilet

rugbug86

Only subscribers have access to S&S, as far as I know. So maybe the OP doesn't have access.

And back on topic...

padser

rugbug86 wrote:

Only subscribers have access to S&S, as far as I know. So maybe the OP doesn't have access.

AFAIK that doesnt allow you to post off topic in other forums. If it did it would mean that anyone can post and S&S anywhere, as most users dont have access to the S&S thread.

Remember the problems with people posting soccer threads in AF when loads of people didnt have access to that forum? That wasnt tollerated in AF and I dont see why S&S threads are tolerated in PI

rugbug86

but this is a personal issue that the OP has. if you have access to S&S you will know that there is discussions about sex and everything about it, not nescessarily related to problems to do with sex.

what about the other thread in here, about the broken condom. thats to do with sex, should that be moved?

Talliesin

If I've time later I'll post an actual response to the OP. For now I'm just going to say that this isn't an S&S thread, if it had been posted in S&S I'd have asked the OP if he wasn't sure I shouldn't move it to PI for him.

Nevyn

padser if you have an issue or a reservation or a complaint with a post use the report post function.

Motley Crue

Reallyconfused wrote:

my penis was still kinda on the bone but not really stiff and upright.

Do you really need to talk like this? I mean, if you were aroused, I dont need this kind of graphic description, despite how proud you might be of your ability to maintain an erection. This is an advice board, you dont need to brag, a simple 'I was still aroused at this point' would suffice.

Reallyconfused wrote:

Anyway we made out (****ed) with the lights off for the first time...For some reason I just wasnt getting any massive sexual pleasures. If maybe I ****ed alot harder I would have came but nothing happened and we stopped without me cumming - well basically I didnt have an orgasm.

That might be your problem. My girlfriend says its not called ****ing, its called making love, i.e. you actually care about what your doing and who your doing it with. If its not a one night stand, and she is your girlfriend, and you want to talk to her in the morning...then ****ing her and ****ing her alot harder just so you can cum isnt the way to go about it.

Also, by doing what you did, you were really not giving yourself time to relax and concentrate on what you were doing. By your own admittance you were drunk, and so was she, so you should be thankful you were able to maintain your erection for as long as you did, nevermind cum. Theres nothing wrong with having drunken sex, it can be really fun, but if youre not really focused on what your doing you wont be able to finish the job - and if your loaded, u arent really focused, especially if youre with a girl for the first time

Reallyconfused wrote:

I was flushing the condom down the toilet.

There is a warning on the back of every packet telling you not to do this, asides from blocking your S-Bend (try explain that to your mother/flatmate/brother) its also damaging to the enviorment

Catari Jaguar

Padser causing trouble again. Well done. Troll

Just being curious, how much bleeding was there? And does anyone know how much blood there usually is for hymen breaking? Cos I have NEVER heard of a virgin having as freaky an experience as that. Sounds more serious than that.

Nevyn

The ammount of blood from a hymen breaking is minimal.
Sounds more like that the female involved was either having or got her period.

Talliesin

Reallyconfused wrote:

my penis was still kinda on the bone but not really stiff and upright.

I'm going to partly agree with Motley Crue on this. Do you really need to put it this way? Even if you're into talking dirty (hey, if that works for you and your gf, go for it) "on the bone" makes you sound like a 13 year old. Which implies that you think like a 13 year old. Come on, you know there isn't a bone in there so talk like an grown-up.

Reallyconfused wrote:

Anyway we made out (****ed)

Unless the lingo has changed since my teenage years "made out" and "****ed" are not the same thing.

Reallyconfused wrote:

with the lights off

Why did you have the lights off? Do you not find her attractive? Does she not find you attractive?

Reallyconfused wrote:

for the first time which was kinda difficult for the first time and we tryed two different positions. For some reason I just wasnt getting any massive sexual pleasures. I thought maybe the problem was that we were going to slow or I had already came. If maybe I ****ed alot harder I would have came but nothing happened and we stopped without me cumming - well basically I didnt have an orgasm.

Basically you don't know what you're doing. Not so much in the sense of things you can learn from a book, but you just aren't that experienced. You were also drunk, which really doesn't help. You can probably make yourself cum pretty quickly masturbating, but you've probably been doing that for a few years and you also don't have anyone but yourself to worry about doing that.

Chances are that pretty soon you'll probably be wishing you could last a bit longer, but you're just not used to the experience of intercourse.

Don't worry about it. Go as softly or as aggressively as you both like and if you still find that intercourse isn't going to bring you to orgasm then there's no rule that says you can't change to another form of sex. Despite the common notion that intercourse is somehow above other types of sex in some sort of hierarchy there isn't a prescribed linear progress that has to be followed and "foreplay" doesn't have to only be foreplay (silly name really). That's not to say I don't understand that you'd probably like to come during intercourse, but if you don't worry about it and just enjoy each others bodies then that's going to come a lot more easily. In the meantime you don't have to come from intercourse unless the two of you are trying for a baby.

And yes, if you'd already cum before then, then cumming again would indeed have been more difficult.

Reallyconfused wrote:

The second was when I looked at my hand when I was flushing the condom down the toilet.

Why on earth did you flush it down the toilet?

Really, the only possible reason I can think for doing something as stupid as that is that you were in your parents' or her parents' place and you were worried about it being found, but think how much less impressed they're going to be if the find it after calling a plumber out to fix the toilet and the plumber removes it from the S-Bend. Wrap it in a tissue and dispose of it in a bin.

If nothing else, maybe your gf knows how stupid it is to do that. You've just made yourself look stupid in front of her.

The worse bit about this is that it implies that perhaps you've never read the leaflet that comes with the condoms. Read the leaflet.

Reallyconfused wrote:

Both my hands were covered in dry blood. I was touching her around her private parts while having sex and after checking my penis out my pubic hairs were stained with alot of blood too.

If there was no pain on her part I'd say its most likely that it was during her period, possibly near the beginning or end.

Otherwise, if she finds that bleeding is a common consequence of intercourse then she should go to a doctor.

Reallyconfused wrote:

And by the way can I just ask how long does it usually take a normal sexually charged teenager like myself to cum while having sex

This varies considerably, especially depending on whether you are trying to keep yourself from cumming so as to go longer.

As I said, this is most likely a consequence of your lack of experience combined with feelings around the fact that it was your first time. First times generally aren't very good, but the practice to improve on that is fun.

Reallyconfused wrote:

and do you have to **** her really hard?

No. If you both like it hard then hell, go at it hard, if you both like it gentle then go at it gentle, since you're inexperienced yourself and since you're both inexperienced as a couple in terms of what works for each other it's probably a good idea to try a lot of things and see what you both like.

daithiocondun

Right, you didn't come for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's likely u came a bit before u had sex so that would affect u. Secondly, it was your first time and the jitters likely affected ur cumming. Thirdly, u were drunk which seriously ****s up sex and having an orgasm. (A little drink helps, a lot doesn't).

Next, the blood was scary right?? Well it could be one of three things. First, it could be that yur gf was having her period (most likely) and was too shy and caught up in the moment to say anything. Secondly, it could have been that she either lied about not being a virgin, or had very shallow sex before. By this, I mean that her hymen (look it up) may not have broken fully or at all which usually leads to bleeding from her vagina. Thirdly, it is possible (but unlikely due to the fact that u didn't mention that u were bleeding urself or in pain) that you had not perfected the fine art of fully retracting your foreskin. The hard F***ing therefore may have forced ur foreskin back, torn ur fremen (again, look it up) and caused u to bleed.

If at ain't any of them.... you and/or ur doctor should see a doctor if it happens again.
Cheers and best of luck!

Marksie

Hi OP,

Did you talk to your G/friend about this and was she in any pain?

It is most probable that it was her period, basically put the rough and tumble may have induced flow or she may have had it already and not told you. Best to ask.

Try suggesting the lights on and take time to explore each other. Also avoid excess alcohol. Dutch courage can result in poor lovemaking.

Of course it was your first time and no-one instantly becomes an expert lover, it is about learning and sharing and communication.

One possibility of course is for you and your g/friend to walk into your local bookstore and enjoy yourself looking at the books on lovemaking. It in itself can be very arousing to be looking at these. (certainly after my first time, thats exactly what we did and reading and looking through together was a super way of beginning to communicate and share). As Talliesin points out you do not know what you are doing, a decent book would give you ideas, an indication of your respective bodies and suggestions. Reading and doing ARE different things though, so use that as a starting point with you g/friend to learn about each other.

Certainly do not worry about premature ejaculation, it happens to all of us at some time. The inability to ejaculate also happens and may have been do to the alcohol and the fact you had ejaculated previously.

Its important that you understand that when a male orgasms, he ejaculates 2-3 seconds later (you can separate the two but thats not the issue here), he then enters a refractile phase and need time to recover.

Now, in you post you indicate that you were not getting much sexual pleasure, well, use what resources you can and find out, together with your g/friend about what many and varied forms of sexual pleasure can be obtained and achieved without penetration.

Thus if you orgasm quickly, then move back to other forms of play until this refractile phase is completed. But don't forget it is a TWO way thing, concentrate on her pleasure as well as your own..and vice versa.

MOST of all relax, learn, enjoy

Acid_Violet

Alcohol softens the penis, it can often spew blood. Did you feel any pain? I'm tempted to believe that this was the cause.

davyjose

Acid_Violet wrote:

Alcohol softens the penis, it can often spew blood. Did you feel any pain? I'm tempted to believe that this was the cause.

What is your definition of 'often'? I have a penis and I can assure you I'd have noticed this by now, if it happened even once!!! :eek:
He was wearing a condom, ergo the blood was hers.

Dude, it's just nerves (and a bit of booze) - you'll be grand just as soon as you get into it and start chilling out.

Acid_Violet

^ I've just heard of this happening, just thought I'd mention in case this might be what happened. Usually it takes a lot of alcohol to make this happen, but saying that the amount of alcohol to get you drunk tends to fluctuate, as I'd presume the amount of alcohol to soften the penis would fluctuate too.

Talliesin

davyjose wrote:

What is your definition of 'often'? I have a penis and I can assure you I'd have noticed this by now, if it happened even once!!!

Hmm. This is an old thread being dragged up, though I suppose the new topic of cumming blood is important in its own right.

It's something that can happen for a whole range of reasons; some completely harmless, some extremely serious. If it happens more than once it's worth getting checked out.