How do I let her down easy?

LegacyUser

Recently I've been texting and meeting up with a girl I met in a pub several weeks ago. It started off with a simple "hey are you out tonight?" and developed from there.
We usually met up in the nightclub so I would have quite a few drinks on me. So what I'm about to ask may have people call me shallow and vain and what not but here goes:

Whenever I met her out she looked gorgeous but last night, we went back to her place and after 1 or 2 hours I was starting to sober up. I suddenly found her not as attractive as I thought. I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to go out on a more serious basis but I'm seriously doubting it now.
Thing is, the past 2 weeks we've been txting each other several times in the day and she seems really nice and attracted to me.

So how do I tell her it wont work out (Im a nice and honest guy and dont see an easy way of doing this)
I'm 21 (and she is 18) and I've calmed down alot since I first started college so I would really like to get into serious relationships before I'm left sitting alone in my later years. So I don't want to get bogged down into a relationship that clearly wont work out.

I just dont see anyway out of this that won't result in her getting hurt and her being a lovely girl would make me feel terrible about myself.

What do you guys and girls think?

Scraggs

unreg875678 wrote:

I just dont see anyway out of this that won't result in her getting hurt and her being a lovely girl would make me feel terrible about myself.

I find that quite selfish tbh but anyway..

Tell her now, asap, no point in letting her think its going somewhere. Theres no easy way of letting someone down and the sooner its done the better for both concerned.

Good luck:)

dvega

Whenever I met her out she looked gorgeous but last night, we went back to her place and after 1 or 2 hours I was starting to sober up. I suddenly found her not as attractive as I thought.

Typical, happens to us all but ya tell her quickly and to her face.And if you feel that bad about hurting her make up an excuse.

Black Swan

Two things.
First, don't string her along, tell her that you are looking for a long term relationship and something is missing for you (but don't talk about her looks).

Second, you might want to reconsider not drinking so much when going out? For example, you said...

unreg875678 wrote:

We usually met up in the nightclub so I would have quite a few drinks on me.

Whenever I met her out she looked gorgeous but last night, we went back to her place and after 1 or 2 hours I was starting to sober up.

daiixi

Exactly what Blue_Lagoon said. Remember that while it's hard to let someone down and that it's natural you don't want to deal with it, it is much MUCH easier on the person being let down to be told as soon as possible, to their face. If you string her along or break it off by text she'll be a lot more upset and angry than if you tell her now to her face.

Idbatterim

So was it the drink that made you think she was better looking than she was or did you see her without makeup? It is 100% your choice and decision regarding what weight you place on looks, personality, traits etc! If you are not attracted to her as much as you might be, then get with someone you are attracted to. One post in particular is laughable, looks in most peoples opionion are a big thing, do not feel bad or shallow about making the right decision, you will have to live with it and not any other poster on these boards. In genral i think alot of lads are misled when you see the fems on a night out and then in the light of day. The women are also looking for the good looking guys, difference is with a guy what you see is generally what you get. And before someone comes on saying i actually go for personality etc, if you have the choice of going out with someone who is good looking and has a good personality or someone who is average looking and has a good personality who would you choose. So looks do come into regardless of anything anyone says. You have to do whats right for you.

Catari Jaguar

You sound really shallow. just end it for her own sake.

spinandscribble

its funny how shallow guys or guys with serious issues always describe themselves themselves as "nice guys". honestly i never hear girls describe themselves as "nice girls".


just tell her your not sure anymore if your compatiable and you dont feel that spark. no need to make the girl feel bad about herself for falling for a shallow drunken guy. jeeze...

oulu

Just let her down quick she needs away from a xxxxer like you, sorry but that is how I feel what comes around and all that

colm_mcm

you could just ensure that you're drunk whenever ye meet up.

claire-g

Just say it straight, Im sure she's not so into you that her world will crumble if you tell her your not interested...........

Why do guys do this all the time, whats so hard about saying:

"We had a moment it was _______________(fill in the blank), now its over. Bye"???

pilson

Youre not shallow for not being attracted to her when you see her without the beer goggles but you gotta finish it soon. Maybe lie if you are concerned about her feelings...tell her youre in love with an ex or something.

claire-g

pilson wrote:

Youre not shallow for not being attracted to her when you see her without the beer goggles but you gotta finish it soon. Maybe lie if you are concerned about her feelings...tell her youre in love with an ex or something.

eh....how about not lying and telling the truth straight up, if she's upset she's upset, if shes annoyed shes annoyed, be a man and deal with it!!!

pilson

Im not sure if thats good advice...
eh, the ends justify the means and all that.
If telling the truth vs lying both end up with the thing ending then why add in a dig at her looks that could affect her self-esteem?

claire-g

Im intrigued.....

i didnt say anything about taking a dig at her looks and telling her you're in love with your ex would be better than saying "im not interested" how?

striderswoe

this is a no brainer here, you are young and have not matured yet (whether you ever will is another matter).

don't fool the girl with your own insecurity (you just make it more difficult for women overall to give credit to us men from an early age).

say goodbye and let her know that you are happy that whatever happened happened, and that you accept that she is entitled to think of you as an ***hole.

its not easy but at least be honest. you will mature with age.

pilson

The truth is : He's not attracted to her because of her looks
you said he should tell the truth like a man.


telling her 'Im not interested" is fine if it works... but if she asks why, then maybe a white lie would go down well instead of hurting her feelings...

claire-g

striderswoe wrote:

its not easy but at least be honest. you will mature with age.

Here, here!!!

claire-g

pilson wrote:

The truth is : He's not attracted to her because of her looks
you said he should tell the truth like a man.


telling her 'Im not interested" is fine if it works... but if she asks why, then maybe a white lie would go down well instead of hurting her feelings...

Be honest, in this situation wud you be telling a "white lie" to protect these girls feelings or make life easier for urself?

LegacyUser

'well it turns out I didnt have to do anything in this situation.
Got a text from her this morning saying she doesnt want to get tied down so I didnt have to do a thing.

As for being shallow, if being picky about partners is shallow then so be it.'