Should I be upset?

LegacyUser

ok, here goes...

I was with my ex-boyfriend from college for two and a half years. We broke up when he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. He's still with her a year later. It was more complicated than that but that was obviously the main reason. I was heartbroken for a while and then went through the I hate men stage but I came through the other end and got over it.

I'm now going out with the loveliest, sweetest guy. We've been together for about 3 months. I know that he's crazy about me and would never treat me that way. I think we really have something good. He was into me for a while but I wasn't interested (as I was in my I hate men phase!) but he stuck with it because he really thought there was something there, ansd I'm really glad he did.

The problem is... My ex was graduating from college today. Three of my best friends were in his class so I popped over to say hi and congratulations. I saw my ex... he had his girlfriend with him (the one he cheated on me for). As soon as she saw me she ran away. I take it she's seen photos of me. I spoke for a little with my ex and then went. For some reason I got really upset about seeing them together.. then I got upset that I was still upset about him and her. I went back to the office in tears. My friend in work said that no matter how much you liked someone else it would always be upsetting to see them together... because she had such a hand in our break-up.

I just feel like I'm being disloyal to my boyfriend by being upset by it. Is it a natural reaction to feel this way or am I being unfair to my boyfriend by being stuck in the past?

Talliesin

We don't end stages our our lives by having them nicely wrapped up after 22 minutes of drama with just enough time for one of the minor characters to say a corny joke before the credits roll.

If you were fixating on your past with him to the point that it was affecting your relationship with your bf (or for that matter, if your bf was fixating on your past with this guy, which can also happen) then there'd be a problem.

Otherwise the fact remains that you were sharing your life with someone for two and a half years and you were hurt by it ending and it's natural that you might still get upset in situations like this.

calex71

ahhhhhhhh final closure. You think your ok one year later but theres is no escaping it. I'd think of it as a good thing. At least now its out of the way and you've got the tears out. I wouldnt feel bad about your current boyfriend seems natural enough to me.

Black Swan

You are not being disloyal to you b/f. What you experienced was natural. You were in a relationship with your ex that crashed and burned, but was meaningful to you before it did. We are emotional beings. You cannnot turn it on and off like a spigot. You were reminded of the tragic and painful end when you saw him. Normal.

josephine20

Yeah, i wouldn't be feeling bad about that.

Catari Jaguar

Oh god, thats rough. I'm sorry. Goin back to an ex is like the suckiest thing. Feeling upset doesn't mean you have any feelings for him. Just shows that you were betrayed and hurt and felt gullible and whatever else once upon a time and you remember how you felt. I'm glad she ran off, at least she knows what a wagonny lil b1tch she was. You're well shot of the ex. And you have NOTHING to feel guilty over.

LegacyUser

'Thanks everybody. I feel so much better now. I talked to my boyfriend over the weekend about it and he pretty much said the same thing, that you can't turn your emotions off and the fact that I got upset has nothing to do with what we have together.

I appreciate the reassurance!'

LegacyUser

'U'll be grand.
It's just a blast from the past.
And, forget that low-down, cheatin,
son-of-a bitch.

Jaze, i still get upset and annoyed over
things that happened even 35 years
ago - for example : how we were all beaten
and abused at school by 'de religious' ...

Anyway (that's anudder problem) ... but, best
of luck.'