Saying Goodbye...or not?!

Beetlebum

Hey....I'll try to keep this short, just looking for some outside opinions and advice.

During the Summer I went through a really painful and messy break-up. I actually posted here about it at the time. Anyway, we had been together for 4 years but had spent the last year fighting and we both fell out of love. Both of us scored other people over the next few weeks but we acted like cruel children. By that I mean calling each other up to say that we'd scored and such...

Anyway, I ended up sleeping with someone that we both know, not a close friend of either of us but we both know him. I told my ex about it one night and he was really angry. He said he could never forgive me and that he never wants to so much as look at me again. That was nearly 3 months ago. I phoned him about a month after it had happened and he was still just as angry and unforgiving. He told me never to contact him again because he can't forgive me.

The thing is, he hurt me deeply aswell and shagged loads of girls but I never got angry at him because he's single and free to do what he wants. I decided to move to Spain next month indefinetly. I'm fluent in Spanish and have friends living there. I just want a fresh start.

Here's my question. Should I make one last ditch attempt at salvaging some semblance of a friendship or is it too late? I'd feel so awful leaving the country without resolving things properly or at least saying goodbye. He knows I'm sorry cause I apologised tons but he just can't seem to let it go.

I was thinking of asking him to meet me for an hour for a pint or a coffee but I'm so scared he'll say no and i'll feel even worse. Every time I think of getting on a plane without seeing him one last time makes me cry and almost panic.

Can anybody plaese give me some advice? Do you think he might go on hating me forever? Is there anyway I can make this right?

Sorry for rambling on, it's Friday afternoon and I should be happy but this is weighing me down....help!!

Tarakiwa

If you dont make 1 last effort you will always wonder what might have been.

Go for it & then enjoy your new life in Spain!

Femelade

well, nobody knows if he will ever forgive you or not. sure try to ring him or txt him , just to let him know that you are leaving.and leave the ball in his court then. You have to be prepared for him not to give a sh1t though..or maybe he will want to say goodbye too...

ARGINITE

Should I make one last ditch attempt at salvaging some semblance of a friendship

NO.
Friendship after a messy breakup is hard at the best of times. So with a breakup like that I dont think that its worth your time. So just forget about him.

Beetlebum

ARGINITE wrote:

NO.
Friendship after a messy breakup is hard at the best of times. So with a breakup like that I dont think that its worth your time. So just forget about him.

Damn, deep down I know that's true...

What I find hard to understand though is, if he slept with someone I know I wouldn't hold it against him. I wouldn't like the idea of it but it's his choice. He was with a beautiful model shortly after we split and he called me and told me how amazing she was blah blah blah and that hurt me but I've let it go..
Why can't he just get over it....

uberpixie

Beetlebum wrote:

Damn, deep down I know that's true...

Give saying good bye a shot anyhow. It will make you feel better and you can always say "at least I tried".

Beetlebum wrote:

What I find hard to understand though is, if he slept with someone I know I wouldn't hold it against him. I wouldn't like the idea of it but it's his choice. He was with a beautiful model shortly after we split and he called me and told me how amazing she was blah blah blah and that hurt me but I've let it go..
Why can't he just get over it....

When we get hurt bad by someone, we usuallly like to feel like the victim and not acknowledege the hurt we caused the other person as well.

Beetlebum

Yeah, I like the idea of at least trying even though I'm 99.9% certain he'll blank me. It hurts that he's willing to let me move to another country without seeing me one last time....it's just so frustrating...

It reminds me of MacMurphy in one flew over the cuckoos nest when he trys to lift the concrete water cooler and loses all the bets...

'well I tried Goddamn, at least I did that'....I've always liked that line!!

He knows I'm leaving but I reckon he's just glad...ouch

is_that_so

Write it all down anyway. And then see if he'll meet. TBH one last time with so much hurt about could just as easily backfire and friendship is probably out of the question at the moment. If you've written a letter then you still can offer an explanation. Letters can be good because we take so much more time to think out what we say. Good luck.

ARGINITE

He knows I'm leaving but I reckon he's just glad...ouch

If you have tried then thats all that really matters, the rest is out of your control.
Going and enjoy moving to another country and forget about him.

Black Swan

Tell him that you are planning on leaving the country, perhaps for good, and that you would just like to see him to say goodbye. Quiet lunch someplace private? If he turns you down, at least you tried in good faith.

Drift

How long before you go? If there's enough time I would go with the writing him a letter option. I know its corny and from a tv ad but it is true that "You can't reread a phone call."

So write a long letter, don't apologise for anything just something along the lines of: I know things didn't end well between us but now that I'm moving to another country I would really like to patch things up so that we can both think fondly of the three good years we had together. If you want I would like to meet you for coffee sometime before I leave to say goodbye .... if not I understand why and wish you all the best in the future.