Advice

gcfm

Hi I am not sure if what to do am with my boyfriend for 8 years now since college and our love life has not been great at times, I always seem to be the one making the effort, romantic meal, dressing up etc it works for a while he makes an effort but only for a day or 2. Last night I went up to bed at 10 and asked if he would be up soon, he said he would at 11.30 no sign so I went to check and he was in the sitting room looking at porn on the internet ! I am so upset that he had me waiting upstairs for him but chose to look at strangers on the web, I just feel at this stage that I don't do it for him???? I know people say nothing wrong with looking at porn but I think there is something wrong when a fella has a real life woman lying in bed waiting for them and they chose to look at porn on the web! I haven't spoken to him today and still too annoyed .. any opinions? Am I over reacting ?

Steyr

Your not over reacting darling i think he has lost interest and i think its time you confronted him as to why he thought "porn" was better then you upstairs.

Black Swan

No confrontation, please! That just breeds ill feelings. Others will suggest that you join him in watching porn. I wouldn't, but at the same time I would not put my foot down about him watching it either. Oh, I would not like it, but let's get realistic, the porn watching is a signal that something new is needed in your 8 year old relationship? Since you are showing the concern at this point, maybe you elect to start with yourself? Reinvent yourself? Do something dramatically different. Surprise him, but in an interesting way? Maybe a suggestion could come from your childhood? We are all kids inside, no matter how we candy coat ourselves with adulthood. Was their something significant that you failed to do? Join a threatre group and become an actress (voluntary community threatre)? Take up martial arts and fulfill that La Femme Nikita dream? Write a romance novel? Think dramatic girl, something that will break you out of your rut and surprise him? Not only that, if you pull it off, then you will gain additional respect for yourself. And you just might spike his interest again... by the new you!

Drift

Have you tried discussing it with him, ask him why he prefers to look at porn than get intimate with you?

It might be something that the two of you can work on together.

LegacyUser

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Drift wrote:

Have you tried discussing it with him, ask him why he prefers to look at porn than get intimate with you?

It might be something that the two of you can work on together.

Not wanting to sound like a dik, but have you let yourself go in recent years? Is there a reason why hes maybe not attracted to you anymore. Maybe things are spicy enough in the bedroom. theres nothing worse than the same old routine or lying there like a sack of spud.......just a thought!!'

LegacyUser

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Blue_Lagoon wrote:

No confrontation, please! That just breeds ill feelings. Others will suggest that you join him in watching porn. I wouldn't, but at the same time I would not put my foot down about him watching it either. Oh, I would not like it, but let's get realistic, the porn watching is a signal that something new is needed in your 8 year old relationship? Since you are showing the concern at this point, maybe you elect to start with yourself? Reinvent yourself? Do something dramatically different. Surprise him, but in an interesting way? Maybe a suggestion could come from your childhood? We are all kids inside, no matter how we candy coat ourselves with adulthood. Was their something significant that you failed to do? Join a threatre group and become an actress (voluntary community threatre)? Take up martial arts and fulfill that La Femme Nikita dream? Write a romance novel? Think dramatic girl, something that will break you out of your rut and surprise him? Not only that, if you pull it off, then you will gain additional respect for yourself. And you just might spike his interest again... by the new you!

I don't see how him wathcing porn should make her 'reinvent' herself. This reflects on him and his needs to look at porn instead of being intimate with his girlfriend.'

SoupyNorman

You gotta let him know that he needs to start making some effort, my woman is always dropping the hints and keeping me on my toes. Things like a foot rub,massage, a simple compliment are things I try and do regulary (but still never seems enough!)

Once you make yourself heard on the matter you must hand over 100% responsibility over the him. One of two things will then happen, he will take this on board and do things to and for you 'WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO ASK' or he will make an effort for a couple of days a it will stop like you say.

To be honest I think the whole point of being a good partner is your other half not having to ask or more so plead for some romantic attention. I feel that the interest shown in all elements of the relationship is a reflection of how that person feels about thier partner.

As for the porn, I love porn however Given the choice of my real girl between the sheets or a keyboard, screen and a box of kleenex I would not hesitate in diving into the bed. In my g/f's absence she endorses the fact I use porn for well you know! he he.

Its sounds ye are in a bit of a rut, you gotta take swift action and nip this in the bud, also when you do talk about it dont let it flair up into a fight as that will be an easy way out for yo man to explain himself!!!


good luck with the book