Smudged

shiv

In times of communication drought
I have fantasized about
You kissing the lipstick right
off
My mouth

Barkenaked bottom lip caught
Between your
Coffee-flavoured teeth

I have a freckle
To mark every lifetime I have waited
to read
Your ellipsis translation

Completley covered in pigment
In anticipation of your
narratives

Blush_01

Yet another wonderful offering. However, there's something about it that I can't put my finger on, but I don't quite warm to it. It's like an aftertaste. Maybe it's the mouth full of beauty spots - the spots is coming through loud and clear, but not the beauty for some reason.

Sorry if I'm not making much sense.

shiv

Blush_01 wrote:

Yet another wonderful offering. However, there's something about it that I can't put my finger on, but I don't quite warm to it. It's like an aftertaste. Maybe it's the mouth full of beauty spots - the spots is coming through loud and clear, but not the beauty for some reason.

Sorry if I'm not making much sense.

Hi Blush,

This is so freaky, because I had second thoughts about that line myself! Have taken it out now, do you think it improves the piece?

Thanks for your feedback

Blush_01

I really do Shiv. It just clicks better, imho. It's snappier and really great!

Jack Quinn

something about your poetry reminds me of Regina Spektor; the honesty, the everyday. if you haven't checked her out already, downlod any of her sings and you'll know what i mean.
nice work.
why all the linguistic, literary, translation terminology? it's not that i disapprove, it seems to be a recurrent theme, are you a transltor or scholar of linguistics or someat?

shiv

Jack Quinn wrote:

something about your poetry reminds me of Regina Spektor; the honesty, the everyday. if you haven't checked her out already, downlod any of her sings and you'll know what i mean.
nice work.
why all the linguistic, literary, translation terminology? it's not that i disapprove, it seems to be a recurrent theme, are you a transltor or scholar of linguistics or someat?

That is high praise indeed. I discovered her last year and have the album 'Begin to Hope.' I love 'Samson' and 'On the Radio.' You're the first person to comment or pick up on the literary/linguistic theme that seems to invade all my poetry I'm not a translator or linguistic scholar (although that would be cool), although I suppose you *could* say I work with words Dunno why that thread keeps popping up in my work, guess that whole area just fascinates me...I should really try and broaden myself, have probably wrung it dry by now Gracias again for the feedback. Muchly appreciated.