What do i do??

LegacyUser

So i need to know what to do........?

Bit of a long one!! Sorry if it goes on a bit!!

Well basically about 4 years ago, my mate started to go out with this stunningly beautiful girl. Not only that, she was a sound girl altogether, i.e. she looked amazing but you could also talk to her on your level. In a way you could say i fancied her.
Anyway, we were all great mates, all three of us! As things went on, me mate started to take her for granted, and was doing the dirt on her (nearly) every chance he could. She still stood by him, even after everytime she was told about his actions. After the break-up we remained friends, almost best-friends if you will. I used to be invited up to her house every other week, it was a good laugh. Even then I used to get on well with her siblings and parents, more than my mate did anyway, probably because he wasn't used to it all, whereas i had nothing to be embarassed for.
Soon enough, this girl had had enough of his crap, and decided to get rid of him. All the time we remained friendly. He even asked me to try an get him back in there, which i did only to be loyal to one of my mates. If i'm honest i always thought i had a chance with her, but im not one to do that on a mate (even though he has done it to me in the past!).
So 2 years have gone by now, and im still "friendly" with this girl, i mean i see her every other week in a niteclub or in the street, and even then she says i should call in some time for a chat, which i've done on many an occasion.

Now here is my problem:
I really like this girl, and from what she has been saying/doing these last few weeks (just above there ^^^^^), i think she is trying to show me that she has an interest in me (I could just be me making a mountain of a molehill)

From reading similar threads on these pages, i have realised i have got to ask/tell her sooner rather than later, and what i'm asking (for those still reading!!) is what do say to her??
Do i go with:
1: Declaring my undying love: I love you, always have, always will, how do you feel about me?
Or:
2: Asking out for drinks (which in my position is pointless cause i end up in her gaff alot): I think you are sound/great/interesting, do you wanna go for a drink sometime?
Or:
3: Stating i likeher and need clarification on her feelings: I know we have been friends for sometime, but i like you more than that, and if our friendship is to last i need to know if anything is going to happen one-way or the other!! (Because if she does say no, i know i could live with that, she is such a great girl (with deadly looking mates!!only joking!!) and it would be an even better friendship if I knew there was no chance of me/her wrecking it coming out with feelings for either/or)
Or:
4: Relying on advice from very well learned posters: anything suggested by you people reading this.

So basically if your still there.........? What is the best way to go about it???

Help is much appreciated!!

Stuck_in_a_rut

Layla1981

go for it, do what your hearts tells you and keep us posted. i took a plunge there a month ago and i have had one hell of a month with a fella. live as if you were to die tomorrow.

beans

Just passing through, but "1: Declaring my undying love:" is not the best idea to my mind. Play it a shade cooler than that at first, leave the heavy stuff for later Jumping in with such superlatives is a deal-breaker at the early stages for many

Magic Pips

Play it cool with her, start evolving the relationship towards one of flirting rather than brother/sister friends...

Sorry to put it like that- hopefully you get what i mean.

Are you still mates with this guy?

The Hill Billy

Option 1 is a no-no.

I'd suggest something along the lines of Option 2, but maybe a trip to the cinema (just the 2 of you) & go for a drink afterwards. You could slip in that you're suggesting it as you'd want to spend some time just with her - then gauge her reaction.

Sounds like you're smitten. Best of luck mate!

shapez

I say go for it too!!! Go with Point 2 first though!! Go on a date, meal, cinema or something.

I understand why you wrote here. You feel you may be rejected if she declines you and could probably say something like. "I'd rather we stayed friends, and not ruin our good friendship"

The way I see it, you are never going to know if you don't do something. You'll have to live with it for the rest of your days.

Go for it man and best of luck!!

Beetlebum

Hmmmm.....has this girl given you any indication that she likes you as more than a friend? I know you said she invites you around to her place for a chat but does she flirt with you at all or talk about other guys much? You know the expression 'Hope springs eternal'....Sometimes when we fancy someone we can mistake or misconstrue there actions as them fancying us too because this is how we'd like it to be....
On the other hand, blokes don't tend to be that good at picking up on signals so she could be throwing herself at you and you may not have even realised it. Either way, I wouldn't recommend declaring your undying love for her but I definetly think you should make your feelings known in a more laid back way. As you already suggested yourself, tell her you really like her as a friend but lately you've started to look at her in another way. Ask her what she thinks about that.
Probably the best attitude to have is to hope for the best but expect the worst. I really hope it works out for you. She'll have alot of respect for you if you do tell her how you feel, everybody knows that takes balls!!!!

chamlis

You've got to stop Deifying her if you want to make any progress.
Putting her up on a pedastle just makes things incredibly hard.
When you realise that she's just a human like everyone else, asking her out wouldn't be that big a deal.
I mean specifically "Can I take you on a date?"

LegacyUser

'Just to answer a few questions, and give a bit more of the story.

Play it cool with her, start evolving the relationship towards one of flirting rather than brother/sister friends...

Sorry to put it like that- hopefully you get what i mean.

Are you still mates with this guy?

I am still very good mates with her ex. I get what you mean alright, it started off sort of brother/sister friends, but has started to get flirty over time. Or so it seems to me as Beetlebum put it Sometimes when we fancy someone we can mistake or misconstrue there actions as them fancying us too because this is how we'd like it to be....

does she flirt with you at all or talk about other guys much?

Originally when i used to go around, she would tell me about this lad who is texting her, or what would i do if some lad said this (then she read out a text message or whatever.) She is as i said a very good-looking girl, and because of that there are always lads texting her, trying to get in there. The majority are only after her body (as i see it).

Other parts to this story:
I havent been in a serious relationship, well ever if i'm honest. Most of my mates are currently with someone, most of them good long-term relationships, and as i'm nearly always around them i suppose jealousy kicks in. I just want to have what they have if you will.

I always seem to be good friends with women, but always seems to be just friends i can't get it to the next level. With this girl, i suppose the fact that she seems to enjoy my company, I'm looking too deep into things.

The last point is, I do really like her as a friend and if i were to tell her, and she wasnt interested, i dont want her to think that all this time i was only friends with her to get in her pants.

Thanks for all the posts, your views have helped alot.
I'm going to go for it anyway, i will keep you all posted.'

Red Alert

I'm very like the OP, and have a similar issue at the minute. I've had two relationships, neither of which really were destined to last anyway. I also have a load of female friends like the OP says, some are quite close friends.

I seem to often run into this friend/more thing. I have tried to deal with it twice, first time myself and a friend i liked were talking over coffee and it just came up. turned out she was into someone else. nothing became of it and we're still friends today. second time I did a toned-down Option 1, I wasn't planning on doing it, she says she knew all along when i did blurt it out. we went out for about 3 months before breaking up and never talking again.

Current friend: option 1 is a total no-no. option 2 doesn't work because we do a lot together anyway.

PM me if you want OP, we might be able to help one another.

Chinafoot

Next time you see her out in a pub or bump into her in the street, ask her out for a drink for a catch up. Take her number if you don't have it already and arrange an evening. When out be relaxed and casual and say in a jokey way "you know, i used to fancy the pants of you when we all hung out together." See how she reacts. If she looks uncomfortable then don't say anything more about it. If you think she is reacting well then maybe say somehting like "truth be told, I still do.." See what she says. The worst she can do is knock you back.

As for your mate...they're relationship is over and he treated her like crap. I wouldn't worry about it.

Black Swan

#3 (but without the "...if our friendship is going to last..." statement).