Irish Declare War On France

cyrus the virus

Jacques Chirac was sitting in his office when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr.Chirac," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Seán, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Jacques Chirac sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 300,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr.Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Chirac sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 600,000 since we last spoke."
"Really?!" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"

Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr.Chirac, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Jacques Chirac was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guidedsurface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 900,000."
"Faith and begorra!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr.Chirac, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Jacques Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 900,000 prisoners."

slipss

lol I like that.

petes

I was expecting more tbh.

Kojak

Not bad.

mjbo

Good one...gave me a laugh.

colm_mcm

Bit long winded for THAT punchline!