Difficult decision...love over work?

LegacyUser

Im in a bit of a dilemma here, ive been offered a job today which I really really want, it will get me out of my current job which im not very happy in at the moment and it is a good opportunity too.

It should be an easy yes here but the only shift available is an evening shift which will have me working close to midnight, this i dont mind as i work nights as it is but what it means is that i will only get to see my girlfriend for about 2 days a week, sunday and monday evening as she works mon-fri 9-5...

I've been seeing her for just over 6 months and i love her to bits, we really are crazy about each other...we know we want to live together and eventually have kids together...i see her pretty much everyday for a couple of hours so taking this job would really cut the amount of time i have with her.

I know she doesnt want me to take it, she wont tell me but i know by her...

Im not even sure what im trying to get from this post.. i know this woman is the one and she feels the same about me but at this time in my life this job is the perfect job for me...i really am torn in two about this...

anyone got any opinions that could send me down different alleys of thought as ive been thinking about this all day and im still not very happy with the whole situation.. thanks.

Rb

If I were in the situation, I'd choose love over the job tbh...but thats just me.

jimmycrackcorm

Plenty of jobs about but not many of "The One".

Kolodny

Well, if you don't like the idea of seeing so little of your girlfriend and you know she wouldn't like it either, it could put a strain on your relationship. How unhappy are you in your current job? Would you be prepared to stick it out a bit longer and look for something else more suitable or is this the only opportunity that's likely to come your way for a while?

Nevyn

Some people in relationships only get to see the other person one night a week or two if the are lucky.
There are other ways to make time and to stay in contact with the other person if you really want to.

LegacyUser

'I can stick my current job out for another while, yes as my colleagues are great and we all get along, its a really good atmosphere in here but im just not happy with the running of the company and how ive been treated lately and want a change.

The new job would be a great opportunity for me though, im still young so dont mind sticking where i am but if i spent a year in the new job then they put you through the whole college process to increase your skills through whatever route you choose - very large company - and i really dont want to let this opportunity slip away from me...

..but at the same time im not happy about seeing so little of my girlfriend and i know how unhappy it would make her..

who'd have thought the difference of a couple of hours a day could cause such a headache!'

daiixi

If you don't take the job and things get worse at work will you end up resenting your girlfriend because she didn't want you to take the new job? I know I would.

How long are those hours going to last in that job anyway? 6 months? A year?
2 years? Then you get a chance to improve further and at decent hours maybe?

If she is the "one" how long do you expect to be with her? 60 years?

I'd get a grip immediately and take the job.If she's the "one" and you're the "one", this small sacrifice will be accepted in the perspective that it should be.

The Sweeper

Take the job.

Your work has a massive impact on your life, and being unhappy in your work even more so. You cannot pass up an opportunity to improve your work life at a young age for the sake of a few hours with your girlfriend.

Take the job, make a special effort to make the time you DO have with your girlfriend very special - as Tristrame says, there's a good chance the hours won't always be the same.

If she really is the one she should understand that you're working for your future.

Sony

Yeah choose the girl ..

Chinafoot

Have both.

Take the job that you want. If she's "the one" then she will accept and support your decision just like you would for her were the situations were reversed (right?).

Yeah it'll suck having to cut your time together but, as has already been pointed out, are you really going to be working those shifts forever? What about weekends? Will you both be working 7 days a week? There'll be annual leave and bank holidays and those are times that you just need to make extra special. Remember that there if you do move in together you will get to see more of each other too.

Over the past 6 months my boyfriend and I have spent a lot of time together as I have been waiting for my job to start. Now that my job has started our time together has been cut drastically. Now there is the possibility that he may have a fantastic opportunity in a new company which will, like you, involve working nights. Again our time together will be cut but the time we will have will be very special and I believe, as hard as it will be, that we will appreciate each other so much more.

Yes, it sucks when you barely get to see each other. However, it is possible to make the relationship work. You both need to make the effort.

Like MAJD said, you are thinking of your future. You should take this opportunity.

LegacyUser

'Thank you all for the replies, they have helped me along somewhat and changed my train of though in positive ways.

At the moment im leaning towards taking the job now and working harder at the relationship to better it in the time we do have together. After all I do hope to spend the rest of my life with her and there is a chance I can get an earlier shift after 6 months or so, maybe sooner if I push for it.

I still have to sit down and have a proper discussion about this with her to gauge exactly how she feels even though she has said she will make whatever changes need to be made if I accept it...how can I not love her?

Its been good advice guys, thank you.'

Black Swan

toughchoice wrote:

i know this woman is the one and she feels the same about me but at this time in my life this job is the perfect job for me...i really am torn in two about this...

If she is in fact "the one," then job becomes secondary? There will be other jobs. Will there be other the ones?

TempestSabre

Get a different new job?

Gurgle

toughchoice wrote:

the only shift available is an evening shift which will have me working close to midnight, this i dont mind as i work nights as it is

Evening shift is the worst possible shift, you'll hate it. It totally takes away the 'social' part of the day.

Nights are much better.

r3nu4l

As Peacheh and MAJD have said, you need extra-special-super effort in the relationship to reassure your gf.

Could you record a video message to send to her every evening? Send her regular snailmail letters that she can read on the days that she isn't seeing you. Tell her about the job in those letters and how it will improve things for both of you and then when you do see her make a good effort to let her know you missed her. Spend time with her by going out together without your friends, stay indoors and watch DVDs while eating home-made popcorn that you prepared!

At the end of the day she needs to know that you love her, she needs to be reassured that you don't want the job more than her. She may be thinking that you are happy to take a job that means seeing less of her...not a good thing in her mind! Change that perception and things will go well.

Go for it but if it is effecting your relationship badly then you may need to look for another job. Perhaps after three months you can sit down together and evaluate the situation. That way you will both have had time to get used to it and emotions will play less of a part in decisions. Maybe at that stage if things aren't looking so good you can agree to give it another six months and if things are still not good...if you really do love her...get another job!

LegacyUser

Thats another one of the main reasons stopping me from saying yes outright. Not only does it mean cutting time with my significant other but all of my friends as well.

Another job like this one is just not waiting for me around the corner though which is why I want to take it. Had I start and finish a few hours earlier I wouldnt be having any hesitation in accepting it at all.

I suppose it boils down to me not wanting to sacrifice my evenings, never had a decision as tough as this before.

Beruthiel

toughchoice wrote:

I suppose it boils down to me not wanting to sacrifice my evenings, never had a decision as tough as this before.

Is it a job that would be an excellent stepping stone to something else?
If it was, then you could look at it short term, ie, perhaps move on the bigger and better things in a year or so.

toughchoice

toughchoice wrote:

Thats another one of the main reasons stopping me from saying yes outright. Not only does it mean cutting time with my significant other but all of my friends as well.

Thats an even easier one-REAL friends always stay in touch.

Another job like this one is just not waiting for me around the corner though which is why I want to take it. Had I start and finish a few hours earlier I wouldnt be having any hesitation in accepting it at all.

You should take it as ,to be frank with you, where you are now in life and where you will be for a year or two in this job will be insignificant when you move onto the next job rung on the ladder.
Besides,you will probably make new friends in this job too.

I suppose it boils down to me not wanting to sacrifice my evenings, never had a decision as tough as this before.

Believe me,this decision is tiny compared to what you will have to make in years to come.

LegacyUser

'id take the job.. i work during the day and my bf works by night so we only see each other 2 or 3 nights during the week at 3am in the morning and its only every two to three months we get a night out together. it is very difficult, sometimes we feel like strangers with each other.. we're with each other 4 years now.. for the first two yaers or so we had loads of fights even broke up a few times coz we felt as if we were living our lives without each other... thing is your only meeting this girl 6 months.. way to soon to be putting your life on hold for... if ye are carzy about each other, make the time ye do spend together worth it... if your remain in your current job, you'll end up resenting your gf...'