Heading travelling without girlfriend

LegacyUser

Hi,

OK i'll try and keep this brief.

I'm 265 and going out with my girlfriend who's 31 for the last year.

I'm going to be heading away travelling in 6 months time for a year.
The trouble is my girlfriend has already been away for a year and is unlikely to come with me for the year.

What she has said is she'll come with me for a month at the start and then let me off on my own. After that we'll see how it goes and she might join me somewhere on my travels.

I just don't know if this relationship can continue if we're going to be apart for that long.

I'm not going away to meet other women or anything like that - i just think that anything can happen while you're away.

I don't want to turn around in a years time and tell her that i want out of the relationship because i'm having too much of a good time - i don't think this would be fair on her and also she'd be a year older and i don't want to be wasting her time.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Do you think i should just let her go - it could possibly be the biggest mistake of my life!!!

What is the best and fairest thing to do?

PS I know for sure this girl would wait for me no matter what. I just don't want to break her heart.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and thanks for reading this long post.

Gordon

Firstly, congratulations for living as long as you have. 26 right?!

I think the best quote there is:

I'm not going away to meet other women or anything like that - i just think that anything can happen while you're away.

Correct, a great deal can happen.

I don't want to turn around in a years time and tell her that i want out of the relationship because i'm having too much of a good time - i don't think this would be fair on her and also she'd be a year older and i don't want to be wasting her time.

Then you write that.

If you truly love her you have to be prepared to let her go, or if she truly loves you she should be prepared to let you go.

Who knows, maybe you have the love of your life here. I reckon you should think carefully about what you really want from this trip. What would your wildest dream come true be with the trip? And then think about whether or not she's worth the possibility of giving up that dream, or whether or not she is bigger than the dream. Or maybe you could share the dream somehow?

It would be unwise and unfair of you to string her along on a possibility though, you should be as certain as you possibly can one way or the other. Otherwise you will be wasting both of your time.

Good luck, at least you have 6 months to go though. A lot can happen in 6 months also.

ZiabR

Well mate your 26 so still young. What is your rush to travel now? If this woman is that special to you, why not wait until your 28 and then she might be ready to go with you for the full year? Going away after she has just come back might not be a good idea.

Ask yourself, could you see yourself with her long term and maybe even marry her? If this is the case then don't mess up something that special just because you want to travel. You can always travel, there is nothing to stop you going in 2 or 3 years time.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

nothing except a career, a mortgage,payments on a car, kids with this chick (if you stay with her)....

daiixi

Talk to her about it. There's nothing wrong with breaking up while you're away and then if you still both feel the same about each other when you get back then you can get back together again. I think that if you're questioning this now, then that's the way to go. But that's just my opinion.

embee

Hi OP,

My sister met her boyfriend in May of this year.

She is going travelling for 6 months in February. They have decided that they aren't going to break up for the time she's away. It works for them - they're both pretty certain that they've met the person they're going to spend the rest of their lives with.

Obviously, every couples relationship is different and, if breaking up whilst your away works for you, then you should do it. Don't leave it hanging in the air though - make a mutual decision and stick with it for the time you are away.

I think that she could well be the love of your life - you clearly love her and this is troubling you greatly. If I were in your situation, I'd break up for the time you are away. As you say, anything can happen when you're travelling. If something DID happen whilst you were away, well, its less messy if ye aren't together. Who knows? You could well come home after your year of travelling and be dying to get back with her. You could come home and find that you don't want to settle down with her.

She's already told you that she'll wait for you - I presume thats whether or not ye are together when you go away? The year away should clarify things in your head. When you get back, you'll know better what you should do, but I would call things off for the time you are away.

I don't know about leaving the travelling for a couple of years. You are happy with her now, sure, but.. you said she is 5 years older than you. In two years time, she'll be 33. She may be anxious to settle down, get married, start a family. Thats fine, and if its what you want to do too, then great, but don't not travel now because of what she may or may not want down the line. You are best to do it now, get the travel bug out of your system, experience that life-changing trip. She's said she'll wait for you. You need to ascertain from her what exactly that means. If you had a holiday fling when you were away, would that spell the end for your relationship? Would she let it go?

You are better off talking to her about what both of your expectations.

Good luck!

Black Swan

The one year age difference is meaningless. If you truly love each other, this is but a small separation that your relationship will endure. If you're not in love, then come what may...

Drift

My friend met his gf last january and they've been together for almost a year. She's going away travelling for a year in 2007 and he can't go (combination of financial situation and work) but he's going to meet her for a month later in the year. However there has been no talk of them splitting up they are both head over heels for the other and although they'll miss each other neither (as far as I know) is thinking along the lines of "What if I have a fling during the year?"

So the point I'm trying to make is if you're considering the fact that you may be getting involved with other girls while you are away from her does that not mean you may not be completely in love with her and may be wasting her time in the first place? The way I would see it is you need to sit down and discuss seriously where you two are going. If you plan to still be together 5 years down the road then whats a year of saving yourself going to matter? If you don't think you can hold out for a year of not seeing her then maybe the relationship would be coming to an end soon anyway.

I know its tough OP, I guess there's a time in everyones life when they have to sacrifice somethings they really want in order to keep something they want more. The key is to decide if you want your gf enough to avoid entanglements while you're travelling. Travelling can be fun even without romance

the Guru

Go on your own, if you don't you will regret it for the rest of your life, from the sounds of it you GF is either really cool letting you go travelling or doesn't give a **** about you and letting you head off and shes gets a trip down memory lane for a few weeks. The bottom line is shes 31 she may want kids and to be married at some stage in the future so she needs to be with the right person already or meet them soon.

Cut the ties and go, if when you get back she is single get back with her, otherwise you will have had a long time to get over her. meet someone else.

Talliesin

Oz2007 wrote:

I'm not going away to meet other women or anything like that - i just think that anything can happen while you're away.

As far as women goes, pretty much three things can happen - one or more flings none of which lead to anything, one or more flings one of which ends up becoming something serious, or you remain faithful.

Now, I'm well aware that one thing can lead to another and someone can find themselves going much further than they intended, but really, it's not impossible to just keep it in your pants for twelve months.

Beyond the issue of women the idea that anything can happen is pretty much the point of travelling. Still, anything can happen if you stay at home. Things do happen, some planned and some not, some good and some bad, and they keep happening until you die. Pretty much the point.

If you're serious about this woman then you're serious about sharing each other's lives with each other. A few interesting experiences in each of your lives is good for both of you.

Why can't you have a good time and be in a relationship. Sure, certain fun things may not be appropriate, affordable, or whatever at various points in your life together for various reasons, but while you're relatively free of responsibilities except to each other, and until fate or choice brings you more, there's no reason why the two of you shouldn't have a good time.

TerrorFirmer

Oz2007 wrote:

I'm 265 and going out with my girlfriend who's 31 for the last year.

Bit of an age gap no?

Seriously though it's hard to give sound advice here. Every couple is different - I wouldn't remotely consider, if i'd being out with someone a year, breaking up with them because I simply wasn't going to be around for a few months, unless there was an underlying motive like you seem to possible have.

We can't read your thoughts, maybe you're actively hoping for this 'anything can happen' thing to present itself exclusively in the form of meeting many new women. If this is how you honestly think, then yes you should end it.

Only you can tell how you feel about her and what you want to do with the relationship. Sound advice in one situation is poor advice in another. Do what you feel is right, and more importantly, what you see as the best option for both parties.

Ruu_Old

You should go ahead and travel but everyone will have different views on this. I was through a long distance relationship so I know how hard it is being away from the one you care about. I'm not sure if you are 100% into this relationship. If you both want it to continue then you will find ways to keep in touch, hold it together and its not like its forever either. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Good luck anyway, if you need any more help on the distance issue, feel free to send me a PM.

Catari Jaguar

Every couple is different, but what do you want more. I personally would split up and hey, when you come back and things are the same and you're still mad about each other then get back together. You did have this planned before you met her yes? So she knew the situation.

Live your life, if you were to settle down, you don't know how it would turn out and you could resent her for making you feel like you had to give up the opportunity.

My bro went to Thailand, was only meant for few months n continue on round the world ticket, but he's still there now, since march. He's think he might work over there teaching English and come home for few months for the cash. You might fall in love with a country and want to base your life around it. Releationships mean you always have to consult, you should be free for this trip.