headwrecked over sister

LegacyUser

I don't get on with my sister. She suffers from bi-polar manic depression and though i do give her some leeway, I just will not write off every embarrassing annoying incident as 'she's sick, she can't help it' because my gut instinct tells me that she plays up, knowing that almost everyone will let her get away with it. I graduated at the weekend and my mother insisted on bringing her to the ceremony as motivation for her to try harder at college. She didn't want to go. I didn't want her there. Mother insisted. My father died ten years ago and 'there was noone else'. So she went and basically kept verbally assaulting me because I kept leaving her and mammy on their own (to go mingle with college people I hadn't seen in three months!! Is that not why she came??? To keep Mammy company?? )Oh and everytime I asked her to take a photograph of me with people, she would do it so rudely that 90% of my photos haved turned out with me putting on a smile and the other people looking visibly shocked at the rudeness of my sister at saying stuff like 'Smile for **** sake' and 'you need to fix your fringe' even though she'd never met them before.

Then she kept asking me where a particular friend of mine was. I've liked this guy for years and my sister has picked up on this, so on Friday she kept saying she was going to tell him how I am OBSESSED by him and I guarantee you that she would have mortified me in a horrific way because she has done so in the past. As a result I avoided said friend like the plague and in the end I didn't even get a photo of us together in our gowns which I am GUTTED about. Deep down I blame my sister and when i told this to Mammy she said I was being ridiculous and that I didn't go over to him because I am ashamed of my sister. It's true. I am. Later in the day, my sister blew a fuse altogether with Mammy for a totally unrelated reason and I calmy asked her to go home on the bus because I did not want her at my meal. She did and then when Mammy and I went to meet my brother, he started attacking me for letting her go off 'when she's high' and that I am ashamed of her and that I need to realise that she is sick. It turned into a huge argument and I basically left and didn't even go to my own graduation meal cos I am just sick of putting on a happy family act.

I guess I'm just asking what to do next. Does anyone have any experience of living with bi-polar manic depression?? Should EVERY incident of rudeness be put down to being on lithium???

Suaimhneach

Its hard really... because yes while you should be understanding and supportive and loving... there is only so much of that that you can do.

When its your special day, and when you [rightly so] get to be centre of attention and when someone takes that away from you [for any reason] taht really really sucks, you are totally entitled to be annoyed.

I think that your family should really have been saying "Be supportive of your sister, its her big day, shes one well, be proud" rather than telling you to put up with her. Its hard to remember at all times though, when you live with it. Lines get blurred. Your mam maybe could have realised this beofre the grad.

THat being said I havent had a immediate family member who was bipolar, just a cousin and a mate. I think personally, being understanding is one thing, but using it as an excuse for everything is entirely unfair.

Bi-polar does not equal rude, or unable to understand whats going on around you...

Hope you're alright.

LegacyUser

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notsignedup wrote:

Should EVERY incident of rudeness be put down to being on lithium???

\r\n\r\nBeing rude has nothing to do with being on Lithium, if anything the Lithium should be controlling the moods and reducing if not eliminating the rudeness/aggression.\r\n\r\nI suspect she is not taking them, or taking them incorrectly. And yes she is almost certainly playing you to you and your Mum as well. Bi-polar can be extremely convenient sometimes if you are a naturally low-self-esteem, passive aggressive, lazy personality. It fits right in as a blanket-excuse to continue anti-social behaviour.'

WhizzGDK

I agree with jes that you need to have a chat with your mother, and your brother. After all if he is your brother at least he could help by occupying her for a while at your grads.

I know nothing about bi polar but i have a manic depressive relative, it is hard on everyone.

Talk to your mother, explain that you feel she is trying her hardest to help your sister but is forgetting about your needs of a mother.

my heart goes out to you, and best of luck handling it.

Linoge

notsignedup wrote:

I guess I'm just asking what to do next. Does anyone have any experience of living with bi-polar manic depression??

I'm in a very similar situation to you. My sister has Borderline Personailty Disorder (similar to bi-polar), recently finished college, sister is similar age, mother died 10 years ago.

I'm not saying its the best thing to do, but I have deliberately avoided my sister at all costs (spoken to her about 10 times in 5 years). I've never been happier.

kevmy

I have a mate with manic - depression and he had a very tough time when he was younger (before I met him) when he had the incorrect diagnosis and he was on the wrong medication. Even still his medication is being constantly tweaked and changed.
He sometimes ends up in hospital. With him it's generally hard to see it coming he can act perfectly normally then hit the bottom. Over the years we've spotted some indicators (high stress levels, exams, holidays etc.) when he has to be looked after.
The point i'm trying (badly) to make is perhaps your sister needs to go to her doctor, especially if this behaviour is out of character, and she if her meds are correct. I'm not a doctor and know relatively little about this so its just a suggestion, something which helped my friend.
This behaviour does seem unacceptable even for her condition (when does vary in severity from person-to-person). Your family support is obviously going to be vital for her but she should also support you especially on big occasions for other members of the family. She should realise the boundaries of what is acceptable.

I hope it works out for you.