overbearing parents

LegacyUser

Hi guys wouldnt mind a bit of advice please.

I'm 18 years old and have just started at ucd.(you would think luky girl blah) alas I am not! I live with overbearing parents who just do not leave me alone it may have something to do with the fact that they are not irish (their from Libya and have a strong faith). My biggest hurdel is just to be allowed out to a friends house to watch a movie at night! This is bothering me so much lately - I don't go clubbin with all my friends, they understand that its not in my culture etc... but I just have really had enough with being told no at this age it is ridiculous.I cannot get through with my parents, I tell them I am going somewhere they say no - no reason just no!So Ive decided to leave home...I am thinking about staying with a friend for a few days and then find a place soon enough! Am I being a tad melodramatic or am I right to fight back after all this is my life!

dr.bollocko

Get yerself out of the family home, get a part time job, and get a grant if you can. The sooner you move out the better you will feel. Your parents attitudes are going to be very hard to change, but you have to realise that you are a young adult now and capable and able of making your own choices without their input. You could just ignore them, but if you want to maintain parental contact, and have a lot more fun, move the hell on out.

Ciaran500

You definitely need to fight back. IMO no parent should be able to tell there 18 year old son whether they are allowed out of the house. At that age you are well able to live your own life.

Catari Jaguar

I dont think it's as simple as just move out. That will prob make you seem stroppy and childish in their eyes. They are looking out for you and if you just go it'l look like you don't appreciate them. You could really hurt or offend them and if your plans weren't to worl out or something happened they could play the "You wanted to be grown up" card and not bail you out.

I suggest talking to them. Telling them who'l you'l be with, where'l you will be, how you're getting there, how you'l get home and what time. etc. They're too scared to let you go now, but you cxan gradually gain the trust and let them see that it's safe.

Don't get huffy or sulky, or sneak out as this will not work in your favour at all. Stay calm and mature and ask to compromise.

Pet

Fair ****s for being able to see past their beliefs. They only want the best for you, but there's definitely a conflict of interest here. You're 18, in college - you NEED freedom, because it's the hours after college where friendships are made and cemented. You're not being melodramatic.

If you know they're not going to do something crazy like lock you in your room, how's about you sit them down and explain calmly that you're
a) a responsible person
b) not going to do anything stupid but
c) going to move out if they don't let you do your own thing.

But remember to be completely, eerily calm - if you get worked up or emotional, you'll just be justifying their strictness. They need to see you're a responsible adult and not a child anymore.

daiixi

Pet is right you should (if you haven't already done so) sit down and have the conversation which he suggested. Keep calm and remind your parents that they chose to live in Ireland and they should accept that you want a part of the lifestyle enjoyed by the Irish. See if you can start small with one night out to see what happens and make sure you are home by any curfew and that you're not trashed. Have you had your friends over to your place? Have your parents met your friends to see that they're (hopefully) responsible young adults like yourself?

If you've tried to death to reason with them and are sure you want to move out then if it were me, I would get myself a part time job and grant and a place to live before I moved out. Get yourself sorted first so you don't end up running back home with your tail between your legs which will give your parents reason to say that they told you so.

LundiMardi

if money isn't an option then get your ass outta the house.

LegacyUser

'Hey all, cheers for the quick replies, really do appreciate it! I have sat down with them on numerous occasions yet they just do not understand, they really can\'t let me go! They know all my friends and I really just don\'t get this! I have an older brother and he has been able to do whatever the feck he wants all his life, he goes out till all hours and does god knows what, i\'ve tried the whole comparison thing, to be honest the way their acting is making me want to rebel more than anything (isn\'t rebelling at this age just a tad ridiculous!) I mean if they gave me that bit of freedom it would save so much hassel! Oh I definitly plan on fighting back and discussing with them first the whole moving out thing! Thanks again!'

Canis Lupus

As pet said if you know they won't lock you out of the house then do what you want.

Sitting down and talking with your parents is not gonna work imo cos that's talking and not doing. You want to go out then go out. When I was doing the teenager bit I just said I'm going out, mom would say no your not and I'd go out anyway. I'd not be spoken to for a day or so but pfft. That was hardly a bad thing.

Do what you wanna do. Altho I'd totally agree with the moving out business. You don't know what living really is till you live on your own.

LundiMardi

Why do you need to discuss moving out with them? What business is it of theirs? Just find a place and tell them you're leaving, no discussion needed.

Rb

LundiMardi wrote:

Why do you need to discuss moving out with them? What business is it of theirs? Just find a place and tell them you're leaving, no discussion needed.

I agree with that.

If they dispute your intention to leave, just go. You're legally an adult now, you've choices to make in life and you'll be the one who'll suffer any consequences that these choices may bring. Not them.

Good luck with it and keep us updated!

Bob the Builder

Lil Kitten wrote:

I dont think it's as simple as just move out.

I have to agree, wait a few more months, get a job, educate, etc... either way ...good luck

~Nev

Drift

LundiMardi wrote:

Why do you need to discuss moving out with them? What business is it of theirs? Just find a place and tell them you're leaving, no discussion needed.

I have to disagree with this. If she was going to move out (which I don't think is totally necessary yet) it doesn't mean that she doesn't want to still have a close relationship with her parents. To just announce one morning that you're moving out that day "See you in a few weeks" seems very immature to me. When adults have problems they sit down and discuss them, they don't just run away.

To the OP, have you tried having your friends over to your house so that your parents would know how a night in with friends would actually go? How close are you to your older brother, I know it might be weird, but what if he was going to the same place as you were with his friends? (Cinema or something). Also if you're in college you'll probably have afternoons off some days .... your parents mightn't feel as bad with you spending the afternoon hanging out with friends this could gradually work up to evenings etc. Either way I think its a baby-steps kindof approach. Your parents are just doing what they think is best for you and hopefully you can convince them that you are perfectly safe with your friends. Hope it works out for you and don't worry everyone's parents have problems realising that their children grow up.

b3t4

Op, you need to move out, simple as.

While you are living with your parents they will always see and treat you like a child. Are you the youngest child by any chance? If you move out and survive on your own they'll start changing their attitude towards you. They will start to see you as the adult that you are and not simply their child.

I don't think there is a need for a discussion per say about this. You need to go to your parents say that you have made a decision to move out and that you will be following through on this.

You relationship with your parents will improve with time once you move out.

A.