Broken Heart

LegacyUser

Hi,

Going unreg for this, looking for some advice / support.

I'm in bits. I'm female and my bf of 9mts has been working away for a couple of months and is due to return permanently next spring. He comes home every few weekends and we spend time together – which I love. He was always telling me how amazing I am and the perfect girl, and how I never pressure him. Two weeks ago I suggested I go to see him, said he was soooo busy, but would let me know what weekend he would have some spare time. We are in contact every day my phone, im, text etc.

Anyhow, he rang last night to say he has met someone else. It started out as a companion as he's lonely over there, someone to go for dinner, movies with etc. But it’s developing into something more serious. He doesn't want to mess me around, and he is very sorry. Really wants to be friends because he really did have a great time when he was with me!! WTF????

I feel physically sick writing this.

I want to be the person who he goes for dinner with, and spends time with. He said he was lonely over there and he enjoys the company. Does he not think I'm lonely??? I miss him so much when he's not here. I miss him more now. I'm a mess in work today.

I've been let down in love before and I swore I would not let my guard down again. I just really fell for this guy. I'm 29 and don’t think I can go through all this again. He says he feels he has led me up the garden path in the last few weeks, and he is truly sorry about that. It doesn't help. I just want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it’s not true

My heart is breaking.

humanji

It happens to most of us. It's not easy or fun. Remember that you did nothing wrong. He screwed you over. He claimed he didn't want to mess you around, but that's exactly what he was doing. He didn't "suddenly" fall for this other person, there would have been an attraction there for the start and the fact that he wouldn't mention this to you or even see try to make things better with you, would lead me to believe that he really didn't give a sh1t about you.

You obviously think the world of him, but he's not the person you thought he was. It'll hurt for a while and then you'll find someone who will actually really will be the good person you deserve.

craichoe

Screw him anyway .. Don't bother with the friends thing.. he's an ass

aidan24326

Yeah he's pretty well fcuked you over. Even though you feel like you still love him, you have to ask yourself do you really want to be with someone who can just drop you as soon as the next girl comes along? Ultimately he didn't think enough of you to reject this other girl's advances, that's the bottom line, saying he was lonely is just a bullsh1t excuse to be honest. If he really loves you he'd have no problem hanging on til the spring, only a few months. Unfortunately it seems he doesn't, or just not enough anyway, and staying friends doesn't look like much of an option for you. No doubt you feel very hurt and let down, but I guess it's the risk we all take in love.

LegacyUser

'He\'s a total ass. But you know we\'ve all been there. I\'m just trying to break away from a four year mess and he still try to keep a hold on me by ringing me every 2/3 weeks telling me he still needs us to be close even though he has a new girlfriend for the past 4 months. Like he\'s a loser. Yourself and myself can do sooo much better... so chin up girl'

fifly

I think it's very unfare for anyone to expect new boy/girlfriend to be be ok with them being close to a ex. You shouldn't start a new relationhip if your till that hung up on an ex.

aidan24326

fifly wrote:

I think it's very unfare for anyone to expect new boy/girlfriend to be be ok with them being close to a ex. You shouldn't start a new relationhip if your till that hung up on an ex.

Agree totally. If a girl was still very close to her ex I would think twice before getting involved.

fifly

Maybe one person would genuinely want to be friends but the other would probably want to get back together. You can't really move on with an ex in the shadows. Don't think I could go out with guy who was in contact with ex.

Black Swan

Broken Heart wrote:

Anyhow, he rang last night to say he has met someone else. It started out as a companion as he's lonely over there, someone to go for dinner, movies with etc. But it’s developing into something more serious. He doesn't want to mess me around, and he is very sorry. Really wants to be friends because he really did have a great time when he was with me!!

Sad story. You must realise it's over, grieve over your loss, and then move on.

TonyD79

Cut all contact, friends only works if u were good freinds before hand. If he is coming back in the spring he is allways keeping using you as an option to get back with if things dont work out and u mite be harbouring on to the idea that he will want to get abck to u esp if the new girl isnt Irish..I presume shes Irish or going to be coming back to Ireland. Plus U only went out for 9 months...its possible if u were going to for years and hadnt been with any1 else much beforehand a break would be needed but here is not the case if ur both in your late 20's. the bottom line is his feelings arnt the same and if your freinds with an ex it might effect the possiblity of u meeting some1 else who will trust you etc . And to be in contact with u everyday by txt and im and say how amazing u r and do all this ..hes a rat and a liar ...lucky escape!

Dinxminx

He's a selfish kn*b and you're better off without him - you were lonely without HIM but it didn't mea you ra into someone else's arms. You don't see yourself as better off without him now but just give it time; you trusted him and he threw it back in your face. Cut off ALL contact with him, otherwise you're just going to be torturing yourself.

Good luck and big hug,

xx

Rock Climber

yup he is a selfish kn0b.

I hate this rubbish of can't we be friends.
It's never that simple.

In this case tell him to go fcuk himself.

Seek out your REAL friends for support as you must be feeling very empty,used and low right now and don't be afraid to come back here for mopre support either

LegacyUser

'I posted last weekend but the post appears to be lost (maybe because I posted unreg)

Thanks for all your posts & support. I really means alot as its difficult to talk to people about the situation just yet without being perceived as a complete emotional wreck. I’m normally such a strong individual when it comes to matters of the heart and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of hearing how upset I am. Its great to be able to vent here anonymously and the advice is probably the kick in the a$$ I need

Last weekend I was very depressed- sitting in at night and feeling very lonely. I live alone and the feeling of spending every weekend of the dark winter months on my own was really getting me. I don’t have a large social group and most of my friends like to spend weekends with their partners. I had really been looking forward to Christmas and the holidays & spending lots of time together. Alas its not to be!

I am doing much better this week. The tears have subsided and I’m trying to busy myself with other things. The ‘sick to the pit of my stomach feeling’ is not as bad either. Its not easy but I have to get through this.

Im not sure if I’ll be able to be friends with him. I suppose time will tell. I have remained good friends with two of my ex’s, but I suppose every relationship is different. I think I am too raw at the minute to be dealing with mixed feelings.

The hardest part is that he is still contacting me. (I must admit it feels great to talk to him but I feel empty after) He called me on Sunday to see how I was, we had a brief ‘friendly’ conversation. I told him I was fine and I had a great weekend – all lies but it made me feel better than crying to him how miserable I was!
I can see when he is online at work, and he has IM me during the week. I have been brief and distant while chatting online. He did make a comment about how great I looked in a picture from a party we were at a few weeks ago, I ignored the comment and ended the conversation. He lost the privilege to speak to me like that when he slept with someone else!
Its so difficult to see him online and not say ‘hi, hows your day’ – I used to enjoy our daily chitchat on the computer. I don’t want to block him but I’m thinking of sending a mail asking for no contact for a while – until I get myself together.

I’m not looking forward to this weekend. I have no plans as all of my friends are either busy or away. I also know he is meant to be back in Dublin this weekend and I don’t want to run into him when I’m feeling sad and vulnerable. I also could not trust myself around him as I’m finding the loss of ‘physical intimacy’ difficult too

I do wish none of this ever happened and we were still happy together, but I’m slowly coming to terms with the situation.

Thanks for helping me on my journey to get over him. I’m looking forward to the day when I realise the pain is gone and I no longer have feelings for him. '