Older Girl

Kuz_3040

Im having a bit of trouble deciding whether or not i should pursue a relationship with an older im 18 and she is 23 we get along really well but obviously the age gap makes it weird. What should i do because i really am attracted to her and she is really nice but i dont know whether or not to pursue the relationship

SmoothyG

go for it, 5 years is nothing. if things dont work out then fair enough but at least you had a go.

It is much better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.

Black Swan

If the attraction is mutual, why not?

county

its only 5 years,thats the gap between me and my wife(her being the older),and we meet when i was 21,ok a lot of people would say there is a big gap from 18 to 21 in blokes and thats fair enough.give it a go,if it works it works, if it does`nt,well at least you tried as you say there is an attraction.

Ruu_Old

Heh, I wouldn't consider 5 years much of a gap, if anything. Does she want a relationship? If so then go ahead, enjoy yourself and be happy with each other.

melekalikimaka

thats not a little difference when that ages tbh. it's usually the other way, i assume your a mature fellow, or shes a bit wild, sure give it a shot, whats the worse that can happen?

Miss Fluff

Kuz_3040 wrote:

obviously the age gap makes it weird.

Would be weird if she was 63 maybe. No, go for it, 5 years really is very little!;)

southernstomper

When I saw your thread I just had to reply. Take it from the "older woman" in a relationship you would be silly to turn this down over something so trivial. Im with a wonderful guy whos 5 years younger than me and we are nearly a year together and I have never looked back it is absolutely fantastic. Trust me I was a bit nervous at the start wondering what people would think or was I doing the right thing but nobody cares once you are happy and at the end of the day its between you and her. It's only an issue if you make it an issue I was told that once and Ive never heard something so true. You quickly forget the age difference, 5 years is nothing its just a number you dont even think about it. Make little jokes about it that she'll have her bus pass before you and stuff like that, enjoy yourselves and have a laugh. Go for it have fun trust me you wont look back I certainly havent and I love my boyfriend to bits, Ive found my soul mate so dont leave a silly thing like age get in the way

aidan_walsh

the age gap makes it weird.

Only if you let it be.

matt-dublin

I would say go for it...
age should not be a barrier.

Mojito

5 years!! :eek:

I was dating a woman who was 15 years older than me for 7 wonderful years and even now we're still the bestest of friends!

Don't even think about it, go for it.

Annie Bananie

Mojito wrote:

Don't even think about it, go for it.

/amen to that!

LegacyUser

Mojito wrote:

5 years!! :eek:

I was dating a woman who was 15 years older than me for 7 wonderful years and even now we're still the bestest of friends!

Don't even think about it, go for it.

****, me2, them 35 im 22,not dating, yet,but u never know, what are ppls oppinnions on that? for both ways?

MojoMaker

Guys, it's sweet and all, but you're overlooking the key fact here. Yep 5 years is nothing in absolute terms. However a 5yr age gap, where the woman is older AND the male at the party is a tender 18yrs old is just doomed to failure.

A lad doing his leaving cert verus a woman finished college and beginning working career. It might last a month or two sure (maybe more), but realistically those lifetstyles and age-groups are simply incompatible. Sorry dude

chamlis

I met a 22 year old when I was 17. We got together when I turned 18, where she also turned 23. I was in love, but the age gap was a real problem for her. It was just too much hassle with her mates giving her **** for cradle robbing.
Obviously, it wasn't meant to be :rolleyes:

But I can remember thinking at the time that she was an ADULT. She was certainly a Lady *chamlis stares into space with glassed eyes and sighs*
but it just didn't feel right. Great when we were alone, but we went to this house party once with all her course mates, and it was just WRONG. I dunno....

Now I'm 23, and I certainly don't feel like an ADULT. But I don't think I'd consider being with an 18 year old myself. Not a GF anyway

jdivision

I wouldn't worry about the age difference, first girl I kissed was when I was 12 and she was 16, at 17 I was going out with a 21-year-old and at the moment I'm 28 and girl I like is 35. I think it depends on your personality but I don't think that it should feel weird.

whiskeyman

Age gap (as long as it's all legal) should never really be the issue - Maturity Gap will be.

This will be the main issue here. I'm not saying your immature, but as mojomaker has said, you are both probably in very different stages of your life.
If you're just doing the LC, or about to be in college 1st yr, and she's just out working full time, it's hard to think long term.
That said, enjoy it anyway. You just never know.
Best of luck.

SmoothyG

MojoMaker wrote:

Guys, it's sweet and all, but you're overlooking the key fact here. Yep 5 years is nothing in absolute terms. However a 5yr age gap, where the woman is older AND the male at the party is a tender 18yrs old is just doomed to failure.

A lad doing his leaving cert verus a woman finished college and beginning working career. It might last a month or two sure (maybe more), but realistically those lifetstyles and age-groups are simply incompatible. Sorry dude

sorry but that is absolute rubbish!!!

It is entirely dependant on the parties involved.

Did you read all the success stories posted so far?
Dooming a relationship before it begins is just wrong and nasty.

give it a go OP, it works out for most.

worst case: you get lots of lessons in the sac and will be top dog for performance with you peers.

jellie

hmmm. im presuming the girl is ok with this?

im 22, & i just cant see myself going out with an 18 yr old. i dont think its the actual age that would be the problem, but more the fact that we would be at different stages in our lives & different maturity levels.

Then again it does depend on you yourself & the girl in question. I think my view on this is probably because i have an 18 yr old brother, & i could never in a million years see him or any of his friends going out with one of my friends. Theyre just on different levels. & while he is mature enough (especially compared to SOME of his friends) & is in a pretty serious relationship with his girlfriend, i dont think hed be capable of the level of relationship that would go with someone my age or older.

I know im generalising here, & presuming all 18 year olds are similar & all 23 yr olds are similar. In the end it is down to nobody but the 2 of you. Discuss it with the girl & if youre both interested then theres no harm in trying it. Just be aware of the difference in your life stages that may cause problems if you go ahead with it.

Good luck

Chucky the tree

Miss Fluff wrote:

Would be weird if she was 63 maybe. No, go for it, 5 years really is very little!;)

What about a 17 year old and a 12 year old? Thought not.


As sar84 said, its not the age more to do with what stage your lives are both at. If your planning on going to college and she is still working it could be a bit of a problem. Most 23 year old girls wouldnt go out with a 18 year old fella.

LegacyUser

'how about 34 guy, and 42 Girl, what do you all think of that gap?'

secret_squirrel

Unreg42_34Q wrote:

'how about 34 guy, and 42 Girl, what do you all think of that gap?'

Maybe a problem if the guy wants kids when the woman is too old. Otherwise go for it.

MojoMaker

SmoothyG wrote:

sorry but that is absolute rubbish!!!

It is entirely dependant on the parties involved.

Did you read all the success stories posted so far?
Dooming a relationship before it begins is just wrong and nasty.

give it a go OP, it works out for most.

worst case: you get lots of lessons in the sac and will be top dog for performance with you peers.

General and simple it may be, but it certainly isn't rubbish, let alone absolute rubbish.

We don't know the parties involved so we have to be deliberately generic. In general a liaison of this specific is doomed to failure. There may be exceptions to the rule, but trust me that's the general rule.

The 'success stories' mentioned elsewhere do not describe the same situation as the one in which the OP finds himself. Nowhere in the examples mentioned could I find evidence of an 18yr old boy succeeding on a long term basis with a 23yr old woman. The one example quoted by chamlis which came remotely close, failed.

I'm all for bucking norms (aren't we all :rolleyes: ) but statistically and realistically this won't progress into anything. To advise otherwise would be to ultimately mislead the OP and wouldn't be particularly fair. 21 & 26 might have a better chance, 25 & 30 definitely has a decent chance - unlucky for the OP to be in this unusual position at such a tender age, unfortunately.

But, definitely, best of luck either way.

Mojito

secret_squirrel wrote:

Maybe a problem if the guy wants kids when the woman is too old. Otherwise go for it.

Yeah, that sort of happened to me! Now I don't know if I even want kids, I think I'll get a cat instead!

gymrabbit

lol

leeroybrown

It very much depends on the two people involved. The five year gap could be very wide or quite narrow.

For example, when I was 18 (at this time of year) I was in 2nd year of college and the average age of my good friends was about 20 or 21. I'm sure there were a decent few 23 year olds around at the time that wouldn't have felt out of place with my social grouping and situation. Converesly when I was 23 the average age of my good friends was about 25 or 26 and I'm not sure how many 18 year olds would have been around who would have fitted in with that.

ferdi

there is a massive discrepancy between the maturity levels of a 23 year old woman and an 18 year old lad - thats for sure.

LegacyUser

'

there is a massive discrepancy between the maturity levels of a 23 year old woman and an 18 year old lad - thats for sure

\r\n\r\ndisagree with this, it definately depends on the people involved, i was asked out by a 31 yr old not too long ago (i being a 21 almost 22 yr old female), and had to turn him down, because i just couldn\'t get my head around the age gap which was a shame because we really \'clicked\', i never really thought age would bother me but in my head i knew i was far too immature to consider a relationship with him\r\n\r\non the flip side the object of my affections is currently 18, hes the mature one in the relationship!\r\n\r\ngo with your gut feeling if you think its worth a shot and she feels the same then go for it, in the end the relationship is between the two of you nobody else - other peoples opinions are irrelevant.'

Idbatterim

i could possibly see how it might work the other way around, but a 23 year old girl going out with an 18 year old lad?! there are alot of issus there, i cant see it lasting long even if you did get together, but best of luck anyway.

ClockWorkOrange

SmoothyG wrote:

sorry but that is absolute rubbish!!!
...
Did you read all the success stories posted so far?

I disagree, i was in a relationship with a 5+ year age gap and it was a disaster for the simple fact that we were both at different life stages..

I would never again date anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me, same age being ideal..

I think a 5 year age gap relationship is doomed.. The dynamics of this kind of a relationship will be unnatural...

dr.bollocko

Unnatural??? What are you talking about?
Unnatural?
Dogs hump trees, humans, lamps and sofas. What could be more natural than a relationship between two humans?