honest advice re BIG mistake

LegacyUser

i am looking for honest opinions rather than support. 2 months ago i moved into a house with 3 freinds. Hovever since then i have gotten quite ill and have also changed job to one that involves a lot of travel. basically i have decvided to move out because the very high rent does not seem worth it for a place i am never in and i really am nto well enough to live on my own .. my parents live doenm the road ... am i screwing my freinds over big time. I am going to help find someone new and obviously keep paying rent untill that happens

Beruthiel

People move in and out with friends all the time.
It maybe a pain for them and you, but they would hardly be friends if they didn't understand where you're coming from.
Do what is best for yourself.

tbh

exactly - if the circumstances are as you describe, I'd totally understand if you moved out of my house. If you are feeling guilty, just offer to help get a replacement in - that's as much as you owe them. Don't worry.

Froot

Not exactly a similar situation but in my house, which has 5 people, when someone moves out they usually have to have a replacement lined up. This is simply because the rent + bills split 5 ways are better than 4.

Might be something to think about.

Donegal Lass

i wouldnt worry too much about it to be honest! i know you probably feel bad and all but at the end of the day, you've gotta do what you've gotta do! you cant run yourself into debt for the purpose of pleasing others!! if they are true friends,they will understand the situation you are in and know that you dont have many choices! Put yourself in their position..if they told you what you've just told us, would you feel like you were being screwed over?? i'd hardly think so..!
you are being more than reasonable in offering to help find someone new and keep paying the rent until you do! They should actually feel lucky that you just dont up and leave, the way a lot of people would!

snb

I was unhappy in a flat I was sharing with a few good friends, they loved the area , I hated it for a number of reasons. They wanted to stay & I didn't.

I tried to initally get them around to my way of thinking, ie hand in notice and move elsewhere all of us together. In the end I left on my own & got a room in a house and they stayed. I was surprised at how good they were about it, and they even found the replacement themselves. We each wanted different things and we could not force each other to do something we didn't want to do.

We are still good friends to this day, If you look after the financial side, by getting a replacement, I don't see how it could cause problems.

muppetkiller

I read the title and was interested in this BIG mistake ? what a let down....

I'm sure they'll survive without you..you'll be replaced as quick as you leave unless the place is a dump.

SmoothyG

Put yourself in your friends shoes, what would you do?
if they are your friends then they will have the same feelings on the situation

Black Swan

If you help them find someone new as you intend, what's the problem? If they are in fact your friends, they should understand.

Ruu_Old

I assume you have chatted to them about it, do whats best for yourself and I reckon you are being reasonable in your actions with getting someone to take your place, etc. You're fine.

Kolodny

You need to do what's best for you and what makes your life easier if you're not well. I'm sure your mates would rather see you healthy and looked after properly and not struggling to get by. You're not leaving anyone in the lurch if you're helping to find a replacment for your room and you've agreed to pay rent until that happens so I don't think there's any 'mistake' here at all.

LegacyUser

'ok so i told my flatmates that i wanted to move and now not only are they not speaking to me they have convionced a whole load of our mutual freinds not to speak to me too... any advice on how to handle this.. i have tried to explain my reason=ing to them
- the house is far from work
- i am always travelling
- its easier for me to be at home when i am not well
but to no avail'

Kolodny

What sort of friends are these? It's seem very strange that they would all be so unreasonable unless you're causing them all serious problems by leaving the house (out of interest, why did you think it was a "BIG mistake" - were you expecting a reaction like this?) Would it be that hard for them to replace you, especially with your help? Have you been clear with them about your illness and the job/travel situation all along or has this come totally out of the blue for them? If so, maybe they just need a bit of time to think about it. But if they're all that selfish that they'd rather you risked your health and paid through the nose for a place you're hardly going to spend time in to save them the hassle of finding a new housemate, they're not the sort of friends you need around you during the tough times. My advice would be forget them, get out of there right now and take care of your own stuff. It's hard to understand why anyone who is supposed to be a friend of yours would react this strongly if it's obviously in your best interests to move back home.

LegacyUser

'it was not clear i woudl be travelling when i signed the lease but became apparent within 2 weeks that i would be ... at the moment the MAX i can even spend in the house is 2 nights a week. My health concerns have been opbvious for mnhts with both of my flatmates tellig me i need to do somethign to reduce my stress levels.'

Ickle Magoo

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

If you help them find someone new as you intend, what's the problem? If they are in fact your friends, they should understand.

Exactly. They don't sound like very good friends if they only want you to prop up the rent & can't understand why your needs have changed.