need help on what to do...

LegacyUser

hi guys + girls..

a bit of a background... did my LC last year, so this yeaar im in college in dublin.. but my dad also decided to go back to college so we are both in dublin and i thought it would be great no worrys about money.. he pays rent, bills and gives me cash for the week... before we moved up here we had a big house where i pritty much had my bedroom to myself where i had my tv and computer so i dident need to go out of the room much.. im like that tho id reather be on my own in my pritave time.. but where we are living its a pritty small apartment so i stay in the living room all the time where the tv and computer are..
well this week on my mid term i was working all the time.. i mean from 5:30am till 7pm at night so i was knackered when i got home.. so all i did was check the net and pritty much went to bed.. it was ok becasue he was away at home for the weekend.. well this morning i was feeling like i was coming down with the flu sore trough ear aech etc..
i put the heating on... then he came in and opened a window and then turned off the heating i then closed that window and turned on the other heater on .. he then went and opened the other window.. i then said i was feeling sick and that i was cold... a row then happened.. he said not to close the window.. i then went to close the window and he came over and kicked me.. i then retaliated throwed him against the wall and then onto a chair.. he then punched me in the head and i gave him one back.. he gave me a few more and then i got free and we both sort of walked away.. still shouting at each other.. i then decided to close the window.. well he came for me again hit me.. but id had enuff so all i did was retrain him against a chair and just held him there.. ( i watch too many cop programs) but anyway i told him to calm down and asked him what he was going to do he then said kill me when he got free... anyway after about 5 mins of holding him i let go and just left the room... i just washed out the cut and fat lip i just got and went back into the room.. not to close the window just sort of to talk to him.. as before id just leave him to himself and id just stay away from him ( the last time he hit me was in a row about 3 years agao and ive never hit him).. he then told me to leave that he dosent want me here... a bit of shouting happened.. but i kept calm and kept away from him..

right after all that i need a bit of advice.. should i just leave is it worth the hassle of this.. he must think that i can take him on at any time as i think he even went on about it... the thing is i dont have a job and have about 500 euro to my name... and no where to go...

or

should i stay leave out the next 2 years here with him..

please give me advice.. it was very hard to write this i even found myself in tears writing the "im going to kill you bit".. i think ive reallised that he mustent love me anymore...


P.S as i was writing this he came in and said that he called a garda friend.. and that they can come in and remove me... for what i dont know...

thanks for your help i really am at a turning point in my life at the mo

biko

To cut my answer short:
Talk to your mother.
As your dad is paying for everything he probably sees the house as his property and wants you to live by his rules.
Don't stay, things would probably get worse as you already have had a full-on fight.
Ask your dad if he can help out towards a room somewhere while you try to find a job.

alias06

I agree with Biko you should talk to your mother. Has your father ever been aggressive before? It would seem strange that an incident like this would come out of the blue. It would be better if you had our own place in college, it would be a bit intense for anyone just living with the old man. If you could get him to agree that you both need your own space.

daiixi

It sounds like you both handled the situation badly. If he won't sit down and talk calmly with you about what happened and if he has no excuse and apology for attacking you then call your mother. If you can't and if your mam can't/won't help then maybe you should get a job and look at moving out.

IMO there's been no reason to have heating turned on today however that's no reason to attack you. I don't understand why you're not working and paying your own way as much as you can but as you're not your father can have you removed from the flat as he's paying for everything and presumably you don't have your name on a lease/sublease. Edit: €500 will get you about three weeks including food (maybe even four weeks if you budget well) at a hostel. There are always options.

Faith

TBH, one of you is insane, as far as I can tell. Your story is completely one-sided. I doubt the fact that you disagreed over whether or not the heating should be on is enough to make anybody threaten to kill you, nevermind your dad. What aren't you telling us?

Move out. You're an adult now, you shouldn't be sponging off your parents. Get a job and support yourself.

Something seems off about the whole post, though. It doesn't add up.

MrPillowTalk

Thats the funniest story ive read here in a while.

Honestly its not a huge deal, you are too old to live with your parents especially in close quarters. Go to the social welfare office on Monday get sorted for rent allowance or whatever and find a room in a house with people your own age.

And get a job.

Youe sound like a pair of little girls fighting over a doll.

LegacyUser

'OP, quick question. You say you were working from 5.30am to 7 every day, but then go on to say you don\'t have a job????'

Rb

Get a job, sort out a grant and go get your own place.

Linoge

You enflamed an already bad situation. And tbh you are lying for the majority of your post.

At least you've learned the hard way that you can't piss your parents off without there being consequences.

Catari Jaguar

My dad was exactly the same, kinda abusive and power mad. He kicked me out after this massive row. Luckily my boyf's mam let me stay up there for a bit, then I moved in with my gran.

Do u have any friends you could flat share with or relations to help you out? Maybe tell the garda friend your dad hit you too. If your dad knows he's driven you away he might realise the error of his ways. he'l miss you anyways. could work out after a bit. You need to talk about how much you work and you dont mean to skive or take advantage and you realise he's stressed too. That might be whats pissing him off.

LegacyUser

'

Faith wrote:

Move out. You\'re an adult now, you shouldn\'t be sponging off your parents. Get a job and support yourself.

Couldn\'t agree more!'

LegacyUser

'

hmmmm wrote:

\'Couldn\'t agree more!\'

\r\n\r\nBS.\r\n\r\nI couldn\'t agree less. With house and rent prices as they are, you da would be leaving you ****ed (with loans) for at least a decade if he kicks you out at this stage of your degree. You\'ll be paying student loans for at least 5 years.\r\n\r\nTell him to grow a pair and stop acting like an arse. Tell him that AS FAR AS HES CONCERNED you are only living there til you can support yourself.'

Black Swan

While you reside in his house and he pays all the bills, you are in a lesser position to make demands or challenge the rules. If you want to be more independent, then move out on your own and be independent (and suffer with the rest of us singles). Independence has a price.

sweet-rasmus

hey, i feel in the same situation with my mum. we calmed down over the last week, cause i had to go to hospital, but i'm not looking forward to the return of events. a friend of mine mentioned accomadation assistance, which you can find out about through your student union's accomadation department. that might be a good place to start. the best thing u can do is to stay out of your dad's hair. hopefully things will calm down a little and give you some time to think. but i know what you mean with that garda line; i had the same thing thrown at me. good luck.

Moojuice

OP, your story does seem one sided but I reckon there is a lot of information you are not telling us. I was in a similar situation a few years ago but there is a history to it that goes some way to explaining events. HOWEVER, you do not need to take this **** from your dad, regardless. He is seems to be one of the generation of Irish fathers that think that their off-spring should do what they say whenever they say. It was the same with me, I only ever got respect when I left home and got my own place. Try and find a job and see if you can find somewhere else if you can. Its tough but he has no right to treat you like that. I felt bad when i was in the situation as I had no job or money so I really was ****ed. Is there a history of some sort of mental illness with your dad? He might not be in the best frame of mind at the moment, but unless we know the full story its hard to say.

Also ignore that thing about the guards, you could have him done for assault if he pushed it as he hit you first (you could argue self defence). I would not say this to him though unless he is actually trying to force you out. Guards do not like to get involved in these situations and even if his friend is a guard he still has to follow the law. Its actually quiet hard to have someone thrown out or forcibly removed from a house or accommodation. Is you name on the lease? Fill us in on some more details if you can so people might be able to over better advice.