Telling lies to comfort someone

tbh

Last night a guy collapsed in front of me, and I called an ambulance and waited with him till it came. I found out today that he's expected to die, and that he hasn't regained consciousness since he was talking to me. His family have made contact and asked me if he had said anything before he passed out. I told them the truth - he hadn't really said anything, just responses to my questions asking him if he was alright, and small nods when i told him the ambo. was coming.
I wish I could have told them that he said he loved them or something, but, sadly he didn't.

So what do you think? If it was you, would you have invented some last words to comfort the family? If it was your dad, would you want to be lied to? I think maybe I would

CathyMoran

First of all you did your best, so well done for that. I am sure that his family is pleased that he was not by himself during that time.

No, if he had said nothing I would not say anything, but that is just me. You can never know what kind of person he is and what he might have said, it would ring false. Better to be truthful.

Sorry for what you are going through, it must be very upsetting.

monkey tennis

tbh wrote:

I wish I could have told them that he said he loved them or something, but, sadly he didn't.

I doubt he expected to die. In this case, I'd say honesty would be the best policy - if he does die, imagine if his parents copped that you had made up his last words out of the air? You'd probably feel pretty awkward about it.

tbh

yeah, you're right of course - it's a no-brainer really. I suppose I was just struck by the ordinariness of it - no drama, no warning, just - bang. lights out. It gave me pause for thought. I found out today that he died yesterday - it's had quite a strange effect on me, I'm hiding from people in here that would ask me about it cause I don't want to talk about it. I remember when I was a kid asking my mam what I should do if I saw someone dying (I was a strange child). She said I should whisper the act of contrition in their ear and ask them if they had any messages for their family. Well, a: I probably wouldn't know the AoC now, and even if I did, I wouldn't say it, because how much would that freak you out if someone started whispering it to you? and b: message for the family might have the same effect - "why is he asking me this, am I dying??"

It was just one of those random things that happen - I happened to be the last person he ever spoke to, which is a bit weird for me. At least his family got to say goodbye.

Kolodny

tbh wrote:

It was just one of those random things that happen - I happened to be the last person he ever spoke to, which is a bit weird for me.

Sorry to hear that. It must be strange for you all right. I think you were absolutely right to be honest with the family - no point in telling them anything that's not true - and it's good that you were there to comfort the guy after his collapse. I'm sure his family are grateful you did all you could.

And I agree, it would be awful to freak someone out by giving them any indication that you think they won't make it. The one thing that sticks in my head from doing first aid training is that if you're with someone who has collapsed or been in an accident and you're waiting for an ambulance or some kind of help is 'rest and reassure the casualty', no matter how bad things might look. At least you're giving them more of a chance if they are in shock.

Anyway, try not to let it get you down too much - you did a great thing.