I'm scared of my relationship

LegacyUser

The username says it all. I am 22. I am going out with a girl around 6 months now and it is going really well. I know her around a year. Anyway I have a fear of commitment and am afraid of not knowing the future with my girlfriend. I have always said before I met my girlfriend that I would avoid relationships until i'm around late twenties or something and then find a girl and give it a bash purely because I never had interest in going out with other girls over the years and would never let myself get close to girls plus I always thought relationships would be hassle so i'd avoid it at all costs.

But it just happened...and I met a girl i liked a lot and am now in a relationship.

I have been with my girlfriend for around 6 months now anyway as I was saying and i get scared of liking someone too much so I always try and pull back. If i was to be honest about the relationship, I make it appear that she likes me more than I like her but I like her probably just as much as she likes me if i'm being honest. Anyway I just get freaked out now and again in my head on a daily basis about getting too close to her. I don't even know why I am thinking this way because I never act this way to her. I always act confident as ever around her and she never knows any different with me. This is just stuff I have been thinking in my own head, and if i was to look at the relationship, there is nothing for me to worry about so to speak because she has opened up to me telling me she has a fear of getting hurt and in her past relationships, she was always in control and with me she is not at all and she has been worried because she likes me so much. I make jokes just to tease her by saying things like "Yeah I'd love to go there with you one day...well if we are together that is....we could well be broken up in a year or so" and she always replies "No we won't, we will go" which shows she likes me so much.

I just want to know why I am getting scared. Is it normal? This is my first serious relationship and I want to keep it as slow as possible because I feel so comfortable around this girl I don't want to lose her...but sometimes I find myself fearing what I have with this girl because I am just liking her so much. Is it just insecurities on my thoughts?

PS: I don't tell any of my friends this and I don't tell her this...it's just been in my head a lot recently and I am afraid I just like her an awful lot.

Kell

FearCommitment wrote:

This is my first serious relationship and I want to keep it as slow as possible

Sorry, I really dont get this. If its your first long termer and you really like her, what the fúck is your problem? What on earth are you trying to control the speed of things for??

Advice- shut up listening to your head and start listening to your heart and your gut. If your gut says its right, give it your all. If not, start looking around.

K-

LegacyUser

I am giving it my all and really do like her. My fear is i like her way more than i want to like her and that makes me scared. Afterall, it's only 6 months in. I just don't want to get hurt i suppose and I am only 22...chances of marrying this girl are slim because everything is so uncertain @ this age.

The reason it came up really is because she is in her final year of college and deciding what she wants to do when she finishes and is thinking of doing things that don't tie in with what i want to do in a couple of years but it's all just general talk at the moment. I have no idea what I want to do either but I don't want to fall for someone and give my all if i don't think we can work in the long term. Sorry for getting carried away, i do think a lot about the future but i just really like this girl...

CathyMoran

I met my fiancee at 23. It took 9 years for me to commit to him but I am finally getting married at the end of the year. We have always ended up doing things half way between for one another along the way. I can relate to what you are going through though far too well.

Do give your all to this relationship, she could easily be the one.

cupsoftea

6 months always seems to be a serious point when emotions are very high. Hopefully you will become more comfortable in the relationship in a few months time.
And you might end up marrying her. Lets say you go out for 4 more years, you propose, (it takes a year and a half to plan the wedding), you will be in your late twenties then, its not too young. And you can go out for 10 years and still not get married if that's what ye want. Can you not just relax and enjoy the relationship and see where it goes without assuming its not going to last because you are too young.
She may head off to do something different for a while, but maybe ye can cope with a long term relationship for a little while or maybe you can change your plans and go with her. The joy of being young is that ye can both go where ye like either together or separately.
I hope you can relax- and its great that she loves you so much too. It would be much worse if you were besotted with someone who didn't really care. I hope you can enjoy what sounds like a lovely relationship.

letterman

You are 22, listen to yourself.

At 22, the whole world is waiting for you.

Lots of things, good and bad will happen to you in the future.

Enjoy things and live in the moment while you can.

You do not need to worry that the world will come to an end before this relationship runs its course. Relax!!