really confused??

LegacyUser

Hey, im a VERY long time reader but im going unreg for this one, im not going to try and bore all of you so im gonna put this in a nutshell for you(s)


well first off i dont mean to come across as big headed but iv been told that im a good looking guy and that im to nice toooo woman when they come along.....(im basically a softy when it comes to woman) iv always been a bit low in confidence when it comes to approaching woman, all my friends can get them no problem but it seems to me that i just sit back all the time instead of getting up and talking to them or makin a move, even if i do get into a conversation with a girl i get all freaked out n stuff. the lads would say to me "she's into you man..." but i always do be thinking to myself....."na there no way she is into me,she's way to nice!"....Overall lads im really bad at approaching woman and making conversation with them, im 21 and all my friends have girlfriends or else ALWAYS click with someone, What am i doing wrong?


thanks for taking the time to read this

Ruu_Old

You just have to pluck up the courage to go over and chat to someone. Is that at pubs and clubs? I'm sure once you give it a try that you will find its much easier. Just introduce yourself and see how it goes from there. Good luck.

LegacyUser

I have to say 2 U : U have to change this.

Otherwise, U will become 42 (instead of 21)
and U will have nobody. Bulieve me.

Then, at 42, U can continue to look around - but all
U will get is somebody else's baggage ...

I think U get my drift.

LegacyUser

thanks a mill for the reply lads but do u think that its im too fussy about what i got for? i see where u lads are coming from and i have to agree i really do need to "pluck" up the courage but im just too afraid of been made a fool of.......i think its starting to hit home now....

Kell

helpmeplz wrote:

What am i doing wrong?

If you are a long time reader then whats coming will not be of a surprise-

Step 1) Sit AT THE BAR in a pub with a few friends
Step 2) Pub will naturally fill up & people will HAVE to order drinks over your shoulder
Step 3) Initiate conversation with EVERY girl that leans over your shoulder/asks you to move/apologises for bumping into you. Conversation can range from the weather to the bar staff etc. Just make conversation and not of the chat up variety
Step 4) Get telephone number
Step 5) Phone them up

Easy peezey, Japaneezy.

K-

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Easy peezey, Japaneezy.

you racist ****!

chamlis

Dude, your not alone.
Christ, I could never get over the "ah, she's just being nice/friendly" thoughts.
She'd have to do somesort of lapdance, or just maul me right there before I figured "yeah, she's interested \o/"

The point is to not be looking for someone to do naughty things with, in my experience. Just be natural like you're not looking for anything (I know it's easier said than done :rolleyes:)

If you can get into that frame of mind, your confidence builds anyway without even realising it. You can't worry about messing up if you're not conciously trying to achieve something
Good luck, man.

SmoothyG

I have to agree with topdrawer. you are the one who will pay for this if you dont sort it out. being mr nice guy will only get you so far, sooner or later you have to go in for the kill, the friends of yours who seem to score a lot, do so because they take the risk of rejection. not because there is something wrong with you.

Trishy2

I dont think you have any problem with initiating conversation in social scenes - you know, with the whole sitting at the bar, making chat advice. I think you don't know how far to take it and like a few others have said I think you need to just go for it.

Even if you pick up the wrong vibes and she just wants to be friends, there is no harm done. Anyone who is worth their weight would be flattered and respect that you thought they were nice - even if they dont exactly feel the same back. The highest compliment you can pay someone is to like them - well I think so anyway. If they don't respect that, please don't lose sleep over it - think of it as a lucky escape!

Either way, good luck - you seem like a nice guy - I think you will do fine;)

Nevyn

Mordeth, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Red Alert

I used to be like the OP, but really there's no harm in talking to randomers.

Get used to talking to girls, I was grand in that I had a load of female friends so was able to get them to help out. Are you a good conversationalist? Doesn't mean you have to be a bore, or come across as mr-funny-man.

Don't look down their top, make comments on their appearance unless it's about something like having a rainbow-coloured top or something wacky like that.

Don't immediately offer to buy them a drink - and ideally not at all.

upthere

helpmeplz wrote:

Hey, im a VERY long time reader but im going unreg for this one, im not going to try and bore all of you so im gonna put this in a nutshell for you(s)


well first off i dont mean to come across as big headed but iv been told that im a good looking guy and that im to nice toooo woman when they come along.....(im basically a softy when it comes to woman) iv always been a bit low in confidence when it comes to approaching woman, all my friends can get them no problem but it seems to me that i just sit back all the time instead of getting up and talking to them or makin a move, even if i do get into a conversation with a girl i get all freaked out n stuff. the lads would say to me "she's into you man..." but i always do be thinking to myself....."na there no way she is into me,she's way to nice!"....Overall lads im really bad at approaching woman and making conversation with them, im 21 and all my friends have girlfriends or else ALWAYS click with someone, What am i doing wrong?


thanks for taking the time to read this

Be careful of mates, they can try and make a jack ass out of you, especially when the sense being gullible and low confidence and im sure if your good looking that low confidence turns the girls off. I had that problem, id look at the ground and they'd give me this snotty look! I wouldn't mind only a lot of girls that do that are insecure themselves and not sure of themselves enough to respect others view on them!

LegacyUser

hey guys!

Thank you very much for ur time in replying to my problem, its great to know that there are people out there that will take there time to listen to other people's problems, iv read over ever post about 3 or 4 times and have taken EVERYTHING you people have said into consideration. I have to agree with chamlis, thats the way it is with me, she literaly has to throw me on the ground or do a lapdance for me in order for me to think "hmmm.....maybe i have a chance here \o/"

Anyway thank you guys VERY much for your time! at least now i know where i can go for some advice!

much appriciated.

mountainyman

helpmeplz wrote:

thanks a mill for the reply lads but do u think that its im too fussy about what i got for? ...

Probably, try chatting to girls who don't intimidate you. What do you go for.

MM

LegacyUser

'but thats the thing i find it hard to even talk go over and talk to them so that way i dont know if they intimadate me :P, man i sound like a wimp! im gonna be honest here,.....i usually go for someone that id get along well with and again to be completly honest i have to be attracted to them so much that id look at them and say \"woohoo :O\" ah sure we see wot happens, i kinda always believed in the theory \"good things will come to those that wait...\" but im starting to strongly believe in the \"nice guys always finish last...\" i think i just gotta grow a pair! lol.... i wudnt even mind but when i was saying about my friends going off with other girls.........THEY all have girlfriends who are lovely and mad about them! but yet the jepordise there relationships with there G/F and i do be thinking to myself man id never do that, iv been in a few relationships and i have NEVER been unfaithful to any girl.....'

LegacyUser

'I\'m in the same situation - just really ****less of approaching random women I don\'t know to chat with. The odd time I do it usually goes very well surprisingly but I find it hard to pluck up the initial courage. \r\n\r\nI think you said it perfectly OP, gotta grow a pair!! A smidgen of dutch courage might lubricate the silver tonuged devil inside you too, but not too much don\'t want the silver tongue to get tarnished.\r\n\r\n\r\n

helpmeplz wrote:

good things will come to those that wait... nice guys always finish last...

\r\n\r\nI prefer - \"Chance favours the brave!\"'

Heyes

hey lads, just a girlie imput here.... you have absolutaly no reason to be s*itting yourself about approaching a girl, you all sound like lovely lads so why worry.

You should live with the opinion that if you dont try you will never know. Sometimes when you approach someone it maynot turn into a big relationship or whatever your looking for, but if you dont at least try then you will just get no where.

I used to be very shy when i was younger, shy to an extent that i would kinda prevent going out on nights out cause i wouldnt know how to approach lads etc.

But now im a changed girl, im by far a lot more confident, and i try to be positive about all things. If i find a guy attractive then i will certainly either approach him myself or certainly make things a little obvious ....

Ill stop rambling now lol and get to my point...

Try not to be shy, just go for it, strike up a conversation, you never know what might happen. Based on how you all come across above, you sound like lovely lads, and its the girls thats loosing out, so let them in.

MarinoMark

helpmeplz wrote:

Overall lads im really bad at approaching woman

Go to Copper Faced Jacks one night, The women there approach you..:D