Ignored

LegacyUser

OK so ill set the scene first. Im not an unattractive guy(I think) and I do my best to be nice and friendly to everyone.
But my problem is caught perfectly by this recent little story of mine:
I met this girl in my college lectures and we got along fairly well and then also on the bus on the way home we were talking and laughing. I didn’t ask her out(although I would have liked to) because im not an overly confident guy and im fairly carefull with whom I make connections and get to know. Also I prefer making a friend of the girl before considering the girlfriend side of things, again this is partially due to my carefulness. The next morning, I try to talk to her again and its like she never met me, she coldly puts an end to any amiable line of conversation that I try to concoct and doesn’t even acknowledge my presence along the corridors even though I try to make myself known to her. After repeated failed attempts to establish contact over the next few days I simply gave up.
That’s the story right there and is by no means the first time that this has happened.
I can understand if one girl or the next genuinely wasn’t interested in me , but it really didn’t feel like that the day beforehand, or I could be misinterpreting things I guess.
At this stage id take a girlfriend or hell!! Even a friend who happens to be a girl with whom I don’t have to strive for attention in order to receive a little. That even for a few minutes a day she would feel she wants to talk to me without me having to force it out of her.
Cos right now at this moment im considering cutting of any hope of emotional contact with women to avoid feeling like a ghost trying to exist in their eyes(although in retrospect i guess this wouldn't help very much).
Or I might simply be acting the drama queen and being overly sensitive on the entire incident/s.:P
Sorry for the rant and I thank anyone who had the patience to even read it.Although I don’t expect anyone to have an absolute answer for me I feel better for having had the confidence to post it(albeit namelessly) and for giving the chance to anyone in a similar state to speak their minds.


Arghh had to repost. Boards ate my thread.

free2fly

You were talking and laughing one day and then the next she just acted like you didn't exist? That doesn't make any sense to me. Are you sure you didn't say anything to offend her? Unless she is just a snobby b*tch?

me and the biz

free2fly wrote:

You were talking and laughing one day and then the next she just acted like you didn't exist? That doesn't make any sense to me. Are you sure you didn't say anything to offend her? Unless she is just a snobby b*tch?

Doesn't make any sense to me either.

OP, did you possibly say to anyone else in the class that you were in there with her? Might have got back to her and pissed her off...

Only thing I could think of as a reason.

LegacyUser

I dont think i said anything offensive, it was all fairly light hearted and not terribly deep or personal. And im not that type of guy that goes bragging to his friends about his personal endeavours.
And mybe she is a snobby b****, but it really didnt seem like it at the time i was talking to her.

If theres a mod out there, if he/ she wouldnt mind deleting my other replica thread, a mistake on my part :-/.

free2fly

When she's ignoring you is she with her friends?

Odaise Gaelach

At this stage id take a girlfriend or hell!! Even a friend who happens to be a girl with whom I don’t have to strive for attention in order to receive a little. That even for a few minutes a day she would feel she wants to talk to me without me having to force it out of her.
Cos right now at this moment im considering cutting of any hope of emotional contact with women to avoid feeling like a ghost trying to exist in their eyes(although in retrospect i guess this wouldn't help very much).
Or I might simply be acting the drama queen and being overly sensitive on the entire incident/s.:P

Relax! I understand how you feel (read: lonely college student too ). Don't worry too much about being single. Love will happen when it happens. Don't try and force it.

Anyway, either she is a snob or you said something wrong. Either way, let it go and move on.

MarkR

Was it definately her? I only ask as I've been called a snob loads of times - usually after they've meet my twin brother!

Other than that it makes little sense that she'd talk to you one day and not the next, unless something had changed in the meantime.

Maybe she was just having a bad day...

upthere

Extremely snotty and arrogant. There's only one way to deal with them types: leave them off. They are quite shallow and by the time they get to 45 they will have blown up twice their size, developed depression and practically still be the horrible person they always will be minus the male attention and they will be sorry for the way they treated people! By the way I'm am pretty advanced for my age! Listen to my father too much lol

Ickle Magoo

From a female perspective, I think it must be one of three things:

1) She heard you said X about her & was hacked off at you
2) She was just humouring you in the first place & was just pretending to be interested in what you were saying/laughing/etc, or
3) She is just a horrible person

Of course, it could always be that she has identical siblings, she has some kind of memory issues or mental illness or even a lot on her plate but I think the three above are the most likely. Nothing excuses rudeness, a simple explanation & asking you to talk to her another time is all it would have taken.

Some girls are just b!itchy, nothing more, nothing less too it. They think they are great & they think any man showing interest in them fancies them & that just creates an even bigger ego & generates worse behaviour. Unless you have said or done something to offend her (did you ask why she was acting cold towards you?), then the problem is hers. Leave it with her & move on.

On a side issue, you say

Also I prefer making a friend of the girl before considering the girlfriend side of things, again this is partially due to my carefulness.

And then you say

At this stage id take a girlfriend or hell!! Even a friend who happens to be a girl with whom I don’t have to strive for attention in order to receive a little. That even for a few minutes a day she would feel she wants to talk to me without me having to force it out of her.

It's a bit of a contradiction & you may want to try & make sure you are neither too cold, nor too desperate - both are equally unatractive. Try & ignore the feelings described in the latter quote & just give yourself the aim to make friends with no wish to have a gf for 4-6wks say...the rest will follow. I find when I am looking for love it passes me by - as soon as I declare myself out the race, guess what happens?! Best of luck!

LegacyUser

I've had a few incidents like this over the years. I remember as a fresher in college getting friendly with a number of girls who would completely ignore me or act the b**ch a day after hanging on my every word and loving all my bad jokes:-).

Making friends with the opposite sex is a big game. We all try to pretend we're less interested, more confident than we really are in the strange expectation that it'll make us more attractive.

Could be this girl digs you more than you think but has seen you talking to another girl and has become jealous (I know, I know you're not going out or anything). Maybe she thought/thinks you were a really nice guy 'cause you were so friendly to her but is upset because she say you acting the same way to other girls.

I'd say you should perhaps try to talk to her (nothing too full on, just try to get her on her own on the way to a lecture and say hello) If she acts strange ask her if everything is OK. Should break the ice and let you know whether she is in fact a snob/b**ch or whether there's something else going on.

Don't try too hard. There's nothing better than the scent of desperation to turn a girl off.

Also, remember that some people are just extremely insincere, cynical human beings who will humour you one day when they have no-one else to talk to and treat you like a ghost the next day!!

LegacyUser

Thx guys for all the help, i feel better for just discussing this, ill clear up a few of the questions asked of me here.

Was it definately her? I only ask as I've been called a snob loads of times - usually after they've meet my twin brother!

Yes it was definately her,lol, shes been in some of my lectures for a while but its only recently ive managed to talk with her.

I honestly dont think shes a snob or a b**ch as im usually quite a good judge of character(which i guess is why the cold shoulder took me off guard).

@ Ickle
She didnt hear anything from my friends because i simply didnt mention it.

Its possible she was humouring me but thats not how it felt.

Even if she was cold to me for no discernable reason , i wouldnt think that shes a horrible person.

I know i was kinda contraditing myself , but the "friends" thing is just my usual way to get to know girls and the way i felt certainly smacked of a situation where i felt i needed to contradict my usual mannerisms.

Im still at a bit of a loss, but i think just for the sake of being hopefull(as mark said) ill put it down to a few bad days on her part and maybe try to stir up conversation again.

Sangre

Maybe she is shortsighted. I'm always roasting people if I'm not wearing my glasses.

Kell

The 7th 1 wrote:

After repeated failed attempts to establish contact over the next few days I simply gave up.

I am failing to see why on earth you felt the need to give up so much of your thoughts to thinking about someone who is a tosser and who has displayed that she doesnt give a flying fúck about you. Do you give this much thought to every knock back?

Or perhaps you are such a "not unattractive" guy makes you think that every girl you speak to is going to drop her drawers on the spot and then follow up with a long term relationship.

Jeebus- get over yourself.

K-

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

I am failing to see why on earth you felt the need to give up so much of your thoughts to thinking about someone who is a tosser and who has displayed that she doesnt give a flying fúck about you. Do you give this much thought to every knock back?

Umm ok.
You should really have read my entire post b4 deciding to attack one line of it.
I gave her that much thought because on my initial conversation with her she seemed really nice(someone id like to know). As such the knock back was a bit of a shock.

Or perhaps you are such a "not unattractive" guy makes you think that every girl you speak to is going to drop her drawers on the spot and then follow up with a long term relationship.

Jeebus- get over yourself.

K-

My "not unatractive statement WAS NOT BOASTING. I dont think i deserve to be a male model or anything but neither do i think my appearance is soo awfull that it would hinder my chances of meeting a girl,that was all i meant.

And i dont know where in my post you got the idea from that id simply like to have the girl in question "drop her drawers" for me.I dont need to "get over myself" either as id describe my self esteem as below average if anything.

My advice to you my friend is to either READ the post or dont reply at all.
-Kthxbai

Faith

Sangre wrote:

Maybe she is shortsighted. I'm always roasting people if I'm not wearing my glasses.

This could be true. I personally am appalling at remembering faces. It takes me ages before I can easily recognise new people. I'm sure I ignore mountains of people every day because I don't recognise them (and that's with my glasses on). I don't mean to, but that's just the way it is.

newestUser

Quick reply: I think you're being a *bit* of a drama queen, and over-reacting/over-analysing. You made small talk with someone, this doesn't mean that your friends with them! So what if they ignore you the next time you meet them?!? I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Learning to make friends can be difficult, learning how love/sex/etc works is difficult, I'm not criticising you. Personally, I found the book Emotional Intelligence to be quite helpful. It analyses what differentiates successful people (in all areas, career, personal life, etc.) from people who have problems in these areas. It's one of those books that you'll read and think "God, who buys this sh*t, everyone knows this", or you'll find yourself being amazed and thinking "wow, never thought of looking at it like that before".

I also think that you come across from your posts as lacking confidence, being a bit needy, and a wee bit angry and bitter (sorry if that seems judgmental). Perhaps this comes across to people in real life as well.

lucernarian

With respect, that post sounds very judgemental altogether. Also, you say you are not criticising him, yet you say "you're being a *bit* of a drama queen", a criticism in itself.

The lacking of confidence and the anger is not a cause, but an effect of the problem IMO.

OP: Like the poster in post #10 mentioned, these recurring problems could be girls "playing coy". It's important in these circumstances not to chase them too much. Mabye you need to find more women out there.
It seems like you only got on well with the girl because she was in your lectures and, particularly, was on the bus home.

Do you have many friends, that are girls?

LegacyUser

I don’t mind the criticism and judgments too much as long as it’s not thrown at me in a distasteful manner. As it stands I had already admitted that I might be acting the drama queen a bit, that I feel sorta needy and that I lack confidence.

This could be true. I personally am appalling at remembering faces. It takes me ages before I can easily recognise new people. I'm sure I ignore mountains of people every day because I don't recognise them (and that's with my glasses on). I don't mean to, but that's just the way it is.

Heh heh, I don’t think so, she knew I was there alright, and I'm fairly sure she knew who I was, its just that most of my conversations with her were like trying to draw blood from a stone. She just seemed thoroughly disinterested. (Which, i've accepted at this stage, might very well be the case).

But to answer To_be_confirmed :
Not many. Fewer still that I’m capable of maintaining regular contact with. Practically zero tbh. Appreciate the advice.

pinkdaisy

maybe there's some problems going on at home or something happpened to her the day you saw her. did you consider that, at that moment, she might just have had bigger things on her mind? you should try talk to her again....
either that or she's freaked out by you for some reason.

Kell

The 7th 1 wrote:

You should really have read my entire post b4 deciding to attack one line of it.

I did. Nearly bored me to tears.

The 7th 1 wrote:

As such the knock back was a bit of a shock.

Get used to it

The 7th 1 wrote:

My "not unatractive statement WAS NOT BOASTING.

Then why mention it at all??

The 7th 1 wrote:

i'd describe my self esteem as below average if anything.

Now we get down to it. Why are you such an needy person? That jumped out a mile from your post (the first one)

Oh, and you cant come onto a public forum bleating about your problems and your looks and ask people to censor their responses.

K-
(who had to put his cannine best friend and namesake down on Wednesday and who is still a bit raw about it. Dont expect me to be nice this week)

upthere

Mate, I don't think you'll get much support here. But you should move on from that girl and yeah having low confidence is crap sometimes but don't let it get you down coz she wont stay with many guys for long, they get around until they find the "right one". They can get through the best guys in the world and settle for whoever suits them at the end of the day, so don't take it personal, it just means you aint her long term type, and I don't think you would care that much about her either especially knowing what she's like. I've been in your position.

BaZmO*

Are you familiar with the episode of the Simpsons where Lisa feels sorry for Ralf Wiggum on Valentine's Day and gives him a card and then to Lisa's horror Ralf thinks that they are now boyfriend and girlfriend. Your story reminded me of that story.

newestUser

Sorry if my last post was a bit harsh, it was written in a hurry and I didn't have time to sugar-coat things. When I re-read the post it does seem a bit hypocritical of me to say I'm not criticising you, and then say some rather unpleasant things about you. Awkward, insensitive phrasing aside I stand by what I said. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and your first post doesn't make you come across too well. But hey, you could be a top guy for all I know. As I've just demonstrated myself, it's very easy to come across badly in a post.

LegacyUser

newestUser wrote:

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill,

In the end i've come to this conclusion myself, thx all.