Men only please - Fertile woman

LegacyUser

My girlfriend (29) is concerned that she is infertile (dealing with it is not easy for her and is worthy of a whole other thread)

Anyway she says that all woman would be completely devistated if it turned out that they were infertile. Fair enough, I can't speak for all woman. But I say that most men are less concerned. If the woman you loved turned out to be infertile, whould that be a breaker for you in the relationship? (assuming there are other options available)

Kingp35

Definitely not. If you love someone then there is no way that that wil be a deal breaker.

Ruu_Old

Kingp35 wrote:

Definitely not. If you love someone then there is no way that that wil be a deal breaker.

Agreed, definitely not worth breaking up over imo.

Orion

No - from experience. There's treatment for a lot of types of fertility. [edited cos this might be moved to AH]

And if all else fails there's always adoption anyway.

Rabies

No need to be a reason to break up. But I do understand how it can put stress on a relationship.
The want or need to have a baby can get very strong in some women.
There are many fertility options available today. Consult your GP and see a specialist if need.

Pigman II

If I had made plans to have kids with her then yes I would break up with her.

Rabies

Pigman II wrote:

If I had made plans to have kids with her then yes I would break up with her.

Would you try all other fertility options first, or just end it?
What about adoption?

Pigman II

Rabies wrote:

Would you try all other fertility options first, or just end it?
What about adoption?

I'd try the fertility options first and if that didn't work , end it.

Adoption = no. I don't want someone elses kids and am honest enough to say it.

secret_squirrel

This is one of those situations where you hope would react in the noble way but you just couldnt tell how you would react until you were in that situation.

My answer - No - I hope.

Sony

A girl I know has this "idea" implanted in her head that shes gonna wind up on her own because she cant have babies,shes good looking and a nice personality to go with it(not my cup of tea but def someone elses)....anyway If I was in love with a girl and i found this out it wouldnt even cross my mind-it would most certainly be a pity but I'd stick by her

Maybe this will put it a little in perspective

I presume whoever you end up with having kids etc is going to be someone that you cant bear the thought of being without for the rest of your life so how would you possibly be able to seriously consider breaking up with them for this reason-if you DID then I dont think shes the one for you and you shouldnt be together in the long term.

CathyMoran

Sorry for breaking the rule here and being a girl posting but my fiancee and I recently faced this. I have to have chemo at the moment, I wanted to wait 6-8 weeks to have my eggs frozen, but that would considerably increase my risk of dying. My fiancee was insistent all along that I go for the chemo and save my life, he did not care about my fertility, he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. In the end they modified my treatment so that my fertility would be saved and I went ahead with the chemo without saving the eggs as I was reasured that I would not be made infertile.

I still have the backup that some of my cousins would donate their eggs if in the remote chance I loose my fertility so we will be having a baby.

Sorry again for posting, my fiancee would just not post here about it but I know his views.

Talliesin

We have a democratic process electing our government because its policies will affect all of us and we all therefore have a right to a say in how it's run.

None of us are dating your girlfriend, and we all have very different hopes and wants for where children do or may fit into our lives. Why the poll?

What are your thoughts about having children? How important is it to you. Are you considering leaving her because of how her infertility (if it turns out she is indeed infertile) affects what you want in life? Are you just concerned about how it affects her?

In other words, just what is the personal issue here exactly?

Rb

No, I wouldn't dump someone I loved just because by some unlucky reason they weren't naturally able to have children.

biko

This is not a proper PI thread, rather AH imo
There is no real issue here besides a worry that the GF may be infertile, this may or may not be real.

OP, I would not be too worried, there are lots of medical help you can get. Let time tell, or check with a doctor if you have fertile eggs/sperm.

Orion

Very good point Talliesin. And biko. But if this thread gets moved to AH I'd like my post deleted.

Beruthiel

OP
You say this does not bother you, so how is this a personal issue then?

Kinetic^

No fupping way..........would not even consider the thought. I'm in the situation where that my family name stops at me should I choose not to reproduce and even with that in the background there's not a chance.

ferdi

no. even though the family name stops with me, the loss of my genes would be no loss to the gene-pool.

Zombrex

fertility wrote:

My girlfriend (29) is concerned that she is infertile (dealing with it is not easy for her and is worthy of a whole other thread)

Anyway she says that all woman would be completely devistated if it turned out that they were infertile. Fair enough, I can't speak for all woman. But I say that most men are less concerned. If the woman you loved turned out to be infertile, whould that be a breaker for you in the relationship? (assuming there are other options available)

(I voted "no" btw)

If I found out the woman I wanted to have children with couldn't have children I would be very upset, very very upset. But I would also most likely love her to bits (hence the wanting to have children with her bit) and I wouldn't just dump her and go off to find someone else who could have children.

There is a (big) difference between being "less concerned" someone can't have children and not breaking up with someone because they are infirtile. I would hope my girlfriend or wife would not dump me if I couldn't have children, though I would understand if she was very upset.

If you aren't that concerned is it not most likely because you have not been considering having children with her? You would probably be a lot more upset if you were actually planning on having children with her? Remember if you aren't thinking about having children with her anyway then it would not be a big deal either way.

Tar.Aldarion

Not a chance. I find it a ridiculous suggestion myself.

whiskeyman

If she really was "the one", I'd never break up with her for that reason.
If you need to question it, you probably may have to question being with the girl in the first place.

LegacyUser

Sorry, but it appears that many of you have misread/ not understood.

I will certainly not break up with my gf over this. No way no how. Rather she is concerned that if we do break up, that’s it… No guy would have anything to do with a girl who is infertile.

Ie if it turns out that she is infertile…she will die sad and lonely ( I DISAGREE)

My reason for putting the post here is that it is important to her. I wanted to show HER that most guys would not consider it a major factor… So you could say that since I have already said that I will not break up with her because of this… then my opinion is the one that matters least.

I wanted a poll of guys who are being a bit serious, to prove (or disprove) my point. If it was in AH then people would just take the p*ss

Gordon

Humanities it is then.

Sleepy

For me, if I loved someone enough to want children with them, I couldn't break up with them over anything but infidelity really...

I'd be devastated and would try every avenue available to us as a couple but if it came down to it, I'd be happy to adopt.

Nevyn

Children should come from you love of your partner and add to your happiness not be the reason for your happiness or the reason you are with your partner.

aidan24326

IMO, if you really love someone (and I do) then infertility is not and should not be a valid reason to break up with them. Otherwise you're just treating that person as a sperm donor/baby machine, and in effect saying that now they can't produce offspring they're just not quite good enough anymore. It should be about loving someone and wanting to spend your life with that person first, and babies second. So OP, your gf should not be thinking that she's destined to die a lonely old spinster if infertile. Some men would have a problem with it no doubt, but judging from this thread it seems most would not consider it the be all and end all.

stevenmu

I'd prefer to not be able to have kids with the right person, than to have kids with the wrong person.

Froot

CathyMoran wrote:

...

Well done.

I dont see what this has to do with the poll though.

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I said no because I wouldnt get with a girl specifically to have kids so I dont feel as though I would break up with someone because we wouldnt be able to have them.

Much like Pigman II I dont want to adopt and I'm happy enough to say it.

Zombrex

OP wrote:

Sorry, but it appears that many of you have misread/ not understood.

I will certainly not break up with my gf over this. No way no how. Rather she is concerned that if we do break up, that’s it… No guy would have anything to do with a girl who is infertile.

Ie if it turns out that she is infertile…she will die sad and lonely ( I DISAGREE)

My reason for putting the post here is that it is important to her. I wanted to show HER that most guys would not consider it a major factor… So you could say that since I have already said that I will not break up with her because of this… then my opinion is the one that matters least.

I wanted a poll of guys who are being a bit serious, to prove (or disprove) my point. If it was in AH then people would just take the p*ss

Ah right, its clearer now what you were getting at. You have phrased the poll completely the wrong way then. It should be -

Would you start going out with a girl knowing that she could never have children

This would be long before anyone gets to love the person. Its whether at the very start you would continue going out with them or if you would go nah, no thanks and move on to someone else.

ClockWorkOrange

I would love to meet a girl who was against having kids... I personally dont want any for multiple reasons - financial, massive over population, freedom etc..

Im yet to meet one though... every girl i have dated has been mad into them.. I think alot of guys have kids to please their girl.. Its interesting..

Bottle_of_Smoke

I don't think it would matter to me right now. But I don't want kids right now.

So me & other young single men (the group who make up the vast majority of boards.ie) don't really have a clue about our own personal opinion & shouldn't vote on your poll.

I think it would affect a lot of men, look at the way most people structure their lives around having kids. I'm sure it's genetic to want to have kids - must of been an advantage to survival.

However I know a few couples(married, older than me) where the female is infertile & none of them have divorced. Don't know of any(though I accept its unlikely I would be told) who split over it.

I think if you saw your wife/girlfriend as an essential element of your life you wouldn't split with her over it. However I'd imagine that feeling doesn't last for everyone forever.

Orion

ClockWorkOrange wrote:

I think alot of guys have kids to please their girl.. Its interesting..

The only thing that's interesting there is that I think you really believe that. :rolleyes:

aidan24326

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote:

I'm sure it's genetic to want to have kids - must of been an advantage to survival.

er, pretty essential to survival wouldn't you say? A species that had no desire to procreate wouldn't last long (and more to the point would hardly be here in the first place).

Though personally I feel little or no paternal instincts, although the majority do.