Access to Children

LegacyUser

I am currently waiting to go to court for a judge to sort out access for my 1 year old daughter.

My ex walked out on us (as was the case many times before) 3 mths ago.

He has shown no interest in the child up to this point and I feel that although my child has a right to know her father and its something I have always encouraged he is now just looking for more than whats out of offer out of spite.

This is a man who puts social life and nights out with the boys first, my daughter always came a poor second and im terrified that if he is granted lots of access that the novelty will wear off and she will suffer as a result.

Basically what im wondering is if anyone has been through this and what is the norm if there is such a thing a judge normally grants?

I would be gratefull if anyone who has been in this position could advise.

Beruthiel

I am also of the opinion that a child should know and see both parents on a regular basis.
It would help if you told us what exactly he is looking for.
I never went to court with regards to this issue as we both came to an agreement between ourselves.

Trinity

I go to bed most nights praying that my sons father will want to see him. Hes 6. He has seen his Dad once in 2 and a half years. Not my choice of course.

Never been to court (i went to a solicitor to try MAKE his Dad see him i was told it wasnt possible) however i think it may depend on what exactly your ex is asking for i.e. once a week, all weekend etc?

He may start off with a few hours once or twice a week.

Give it a chance. If you think your ex is messing the child areound you can take him back to court and say that he is breaking the access order and that for the sake of your child you wish to appeal.

But unless you think he is a danger to her then let it happen. Its important for her to know her dad but again, as long as its in her own best interest.

And if he is looking after her well enough (well speaking from experience - i would love someone to share my responsibilty) , you may come to enjoy the bit of a break for a couple of hours to recharge those batteries!!

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies.

He is looking for weekends from fri to sun. We both work week days so have no quality time with her.

I agree both parents should play a part but he is trying to have all the full days to himself.

He had over a year to spend with her but chose not too, chose golf and days out with the boys or work dos over her each and every time.

I have never been to court myself and am not familiar with how the system works, is there a set amount of time a judge will offer for example will the father get overnight stays automatically ( I do not want this because of safety issues)?

I have tried to get him involved with her life from day one but as much as I pushed he pulled away. He has never washed a single item of her clothes, fed her a handfull of times, bathed her very rarely.

She does not know his family and he lives at home, again this is because he never took her to his parents house so she is being brought to a house of strangers.

I really do think giving her age that this will be seriously confusing on her.

I have a very strict routine, I have to with working and I know that will go out the window when he has her.

Beruthiel

Have you tried offering every second weekend and half a week each?

silvine

Headwrecked1 wrote:

is there a set amount of time a judge will offer for example will the father get overnight stays automatically ( I do not want this because of safety issues)?

I have a very strict routine, I have to with working and I know that will go out the window when he has her.

You sound quite strict and set in your ways, regarding what you want. You also seem to have little respect for him. How is he supposed to have a chance to prove himself? Perhaps some fleixibility with respect to what he wants would allow the two of you to find some common ground.

tbh

silvine wrote:

You sound quite strict and set in your ways, regarding what you want. You also seem to have little respect for him. How is he supposed to have a chance to prove himself? Perhaps some fleixibility with respect to what he wants would allow the two of you to find some common ground.

I know where you are coming from, and I understand that the OP is biased, but based on what we've been told, the dad had his chance to prove himself and he failed. OP, the courts have more experience with this than you do - I would doubt that they'll just automatically give him every weekend - but I do think you will have to meet him, if not half way, then a little bit down the track. I understand you are looking out for your child, but it might be better in the long run.

I just can't for the life of me figure out these deadbeat dads. :rolleyes:

mountainyman

Hi Headwrecked,
I would be generous with access.

My advice is to draw up a document between yourselves defining access and maintenance. Take it to court and give it to the judge. That turns it into a legally binding document.

Add a paragraph on what happens if the ex can't be bothered with access. Past behaviour in this regard is not a guide to future performance. I would give him a chance.

You say that 'he walked out on us repeatedly' maybe he was walking out on you and coming back to her. Nothing is confusing for a one year old kids are adaptable.

Basically you want to ensure that your child has fewer people who love her in her life for the sake of preserving routine.
Based on what you've said (no overights for example) your notion of what is generous might be a bit different from a judges [rolleyes].

TBH nice judgmental post there there is no evidence that he is a deadbeat dad. OP is he paying maintenance if not make him.
MM