Is there more here?

Red Alert

I posted two threads on PI at varying times, both with the same theme: whether i should try taking something further with a friend.

The first one was about 3 years ago, when i lost touch with a good friend i met at work. She and I met up again and realised there was a spark of some sort and then got together. She was 22, I was 20, it lasted 3 months. She was worried about going out with a 20-year-old at the beginning, but it didn't really cause any problems. Acrimonious breakup, never really talked again.

The other one was about a year ago now. I didn't take it any further with her, nor did I ever discuss the topic. The girl no longer lives here, but we're still very good friends and keep in regular contact. I would very much doubt that anything other than friendship with her would be on the cards in the near to medium future, nor am I looking in that direction.

So now i've this situation with yet another person. I've known her just under a year, we're very close in ways already. We're quite similar in terms of interests, humor and activities. I see a lot of her, both in groups and on her own. I find her very easy to talk to, and the time flies when we're having a chat. We're both single. I've gone to things with her on her own a few times, but i don't think you'd call them dates. I'm a bit confused as to whether anything could/should come of it. I always find i allow a barrier to come between me and someone i like when i'm afraid of taking it any further, despite knowing them well. I don't want this to happen with her, whatever the outcome is. Any advice?

Faith

Has she ever intimated that she's interested in you, as anything other than a friend? Going to events, just the two of you, doesn't mean anything, at least not to girls. Before doing anything about it, make sure you're pretty darn confidant that she likes you too, is my advice as always.

Red Alert

we'd sometimes have deep enough conversations. she holds her gaze a long time when we're talking. not really conclusive though.

some other people we know have sometimes asked if there's anything going on with the two of us, and have said that it looks like there is. could be anything from genuine observation to wishful thinking to mischief making.

i have a sneaking suspicion that she might know that i like her, in which case i would imagine she would discourage any 1on1 activities if it was a definite no. i've always found women to be a lot more perceptive than even they say.

it doesn't really sound conclusive either way does it?

tbh

I think you are over thinking things. You like this girl, she likes you, so why not get together on a one-to-one "date" and see how things go? You're not asking her to marry you - yet - so don't make a big deal out of it. If she says "yes" it doesn't mean that you are going to in lurrrve forever, it's just the first step. If she says "no" - well, it was no big deal anyway, so it's not as if you can never be friends. At the end of the day, no-one is going to be able to tell you "I know for a fact she likes you and is waiting for you to ask her out". Let me ask you a question - if a female friend of yours asked you out, and you didn't fancy her - would you be pissed off with her? No? Then why should she be? (assuming she doesn't like you, and it sounds like she does).

If you make a big deal out of it, she will too, and the pressure will be on. Take it handy - whats the harm in going for dinner and seeing what happens? Good luck my friend, I've been there

Faith

No, it doesn't. I always hold eye contact for long periods of time, it's just my way. I also have deep conversations with multitudes of people. From personal experience, when I've suspected that my friends like me, I've not discouraged one on one activities, but I've continued to act normal.

I'd say, ask her for a drink. Do it casually, with no introduction like "I really like you ... " etc. Don't mention that you like her, just let it be implied. If she says yes, then you can take things a step further, take her to dinner or soimething. If she says no, there's your answer.

tbh

Faith wrote:

No, it doesn't. I always hold eye contact for long periods of time, it's just my way. I also have deep conversations with multitudes of people. From personal experience, when I've suspected that my friends like me, I've not discouraged one on one activities, but I've continued to act normal.

I'd say, ask her for a drink. Do it casually, with no introduction like "I really like you ... " etc. Don't mention that you like her, just let it be implied. If she says yes, then you can take things a step further, take her to dinner or soimething. If she says no, there's your answer.

ike and mike, we think alike - excellent advice faith

Black Swan

Chill out, and take it easy. Continue doing things together, maybe a little more frequently? See what evolves?

Red Alert

thanks everyone so far! i know well i'm over thinking it, it's annoying for me as well! i've only ever told a girl i liked her once, and that was after we went for our usual 'as mates' drink.

i was into a friend one time years ago when i was 18, she wasn't interested but we're still the best of friends today.

any other girls i've gone out with were from random scores, or when they took the initiative. my ex just kissed me after our pool game in college and i only vaguely knew her before that.

my friend can be quite quiet with other people, but she tends to be very animated when she talks to me. she and i would have talked a lot about people we had been seeing before. i see your point Faith, though and i think you're right - another girl and i would often have pretty deep conversations and i've never imagined being anything other than her friend.

one lad knows the two of us and asked me one evening if there was something going on, i told him no. i know other people have asked her too. i don't know sometimes whether i listen to other people too much or not enough.

i'm not the type of guy that falls for every female friend i've got either. there's quite a few girls i'd talk to regularly, feel comfortable around and never consider any sort of attraction towards.

i'd have no qualms about asking her on a date, and i do really want to keep the date casual rather than formal if i do like tbh says. i'm afraid the moment will be there, like it was with the second girl in the original post but i won't grab it.

(i don't think i'm explaining this too well, but thanks for all the help, i really appreciate it!)

tbh

Red Alert wrote:

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(i don't think i'm explaining this too well, but thanks for all the help, i really appreciate it!)

you're doing great - and I think most people have experienced something like this at one time or another. don't forget, when the moment happened before, it took you by surprise, but you've a bit more experience now, and will likely see the signs easier. It *does* sound like she likes you mate, on whatever level I don't know - but don't forget, you may discover that *you* just want to be friends with *her* - so take it easy and see what happens.