Appropriate amount of time before sex with new partner

LegacyUser

Hi all

Unreg for this one cause i know my current lady friend knows my usual name.

I suppose this is probably more aimed at the ladies but lads your thoughts and experiances are also appreciated.

I know appropriate is different for everyone so il put in a poll and you can choose what the usual situation is with your partners.

Well anyway im in my early twenties and met this great girl 2 weeks ago. we went on a couple of dates last week and ended up back in her flat each time where the usual heavy groping sessions on sofa occured. cant keep my hands off of her. Well havent seen her this week yet (lots of txtin) but she has invited me around this weekend.

I think she is probably up for sex this wknd but not sure and im a bit shy about bring it up dont want to wreck anything this soon. So what to you think do you usually start having sex with a new partner this soon?

Ruu_Old

There is no amount of time imo. You will both know when its ready, don't rush into things so fast and enjoy each others company a bit more first, just my opinion.

dr.bollocko

There is no final or total answer for whats normal or not normal sexually. It depends entirely on how both people feel about it. For some it could be one or two dates, for others it might be months. You won't find out anything about whats normal or not from a poll. Because in each different relationship I have had I have encountered totally different times.

Ickle Magoo

I didn't vote as for me it depends entirely on how I feel about the guy. With some relationships I want to take things further imediately - with others I have waited months...I don't have a particular time-table I stick to - after X dates I will have sex kind of thing. I just play it by ear....or erm...other things, lol

greenkittie

If it happens it happens, dont plan!

Budd

All my friends and myself me our gf's on one nighters in college. There are no rules about whats appropiate. Generally the man should be pushing and insisting on sex at every oppurtunity and the time will then be set by the woman.

koneko

Well, "don't plan" is an exaggeration. *Do* plan as in bring protection, no harm in being prepared! But don't push the issue and just see where it goes. If she wants to, you'll no doubt notice

Podge29

Personally i waited 6 months for sex with my current girlfriend (her idea of course)

I think it was the best thing i ever did.

We got to know each other very well - we even went on holidays after 5 months and didn't have sex. Had a great time

For most people this would be too long...

Thats just my advice...

Motley Crue

Podge29 wrote:

Personally i waited 6 months for sex with my current girlfriend (her idea of course)

I think it was the best thing i ever did.

The fact that you say it was her idea, of course, makes me snigger a bit...i respect ur position though, but personally i would have slept with her holiday at least, i mean, 5 months to 6 months is a little excessive in 2006

Mrs_Doyle

I went out with a guy for over 2.5 years (From 18-20.5yrs old) and I never had sex with him.
Just never felt right.
Then I got together with my current BF, we were together a few months, and split up because we couldn't deal with the long distance thing.

We started 'Dating' about 6 months later, and I actually lost my virginity to him BEFORE we officially got back together as Boyfriend and Girlfriend.
Well, actually, we kinda use 'that' date as our anniversary date, because we were officially a couple from then on.

Anyhow, my point, there really is no set amount of time, it just boils down to whats right for the couple

oulu

Simple one this when the times feels right for the both of you, ie 1 day, 1week, 1 month whatever, this is no longer the catholic ireland of old,

Tar.Aldarion

No planning, it will just happen. I would say roughly a few weeks and bam.

jellie

There can never really be an "appropriate" amount of time.

You could know someone for 2 weeks & spend every day with them, which might be the same as knowing someone for 3 months & seeing them a couple of times a week.

It would also depend on both peoples sexual experiences, confidence, etc. You say youre shy about the issue, she could be too. If you havent discussed it with her you wont know.

Maybe be prepared at the weekend in case it does happen, but also think about actually talking about it.

ferdi

there is no right time, where is the romance in that?
"oh look, we've been going out 16 days, time for sex!"

Zombrex

ferdi wrote:

there is no right time, where is the romance in that?
"oh look, we've been going out 16 days, time for sex!"

Agreed, the "right time" is when it feels right for both of you. There are not rules to this thing.

Exon

Don't plan it, just let it happen. Don't do it too soon though. It's not just up to the girl, it takes two to tango!

Zapho

Well it really depends on the person. If the girl was a virgin for example or if she wasn't sure of herself, I'd wait as long as it took (assuming the girl was worth waiting for...)

But if she seemed to like the girl the OP is on about, then I'd go right ahead, straight away.

Talliesin

I've done both sooner than 1 date (1 chat) and much later than 3months, and feel I was right in both cases.

tSubh Dearg

As everyone else has said, it's whenever you feel comfortable with it. For example I engaged in sexual activity after the first "date" with my current partner and now we're planning on getting married

-Kosh-

Like others have said, don't plan it! It will happen whenever you two are ready. My limited experience says "anything between two weeks and six months". Take that as you will

Black Swan

Really depends on what both of you want from a relationship. If just for fun, then anytime. But if you are looking for a serious, long term relationship with commitment, then I would think that the first few dates would gradually increase in intimacy (but there really isn't any magic number of dates). Everyone is different, you and her.

panda100

Personally I prefer the wait, so id say around 6 months. I always think its fun letting the anticipation and attraction build up between the two of you. Also I like knowing I can really trust the bloke so thats important for me to know him well before I do anything physical with him. Its a totally personal choice though and there really is no right time.:)

wyndham

25% of boardsies do it on the first date. Bunch of S.L.-to-the-U.T.S.

muffler

wyndham wrote:

25% of boardsies do it on the first date. Bunch of S.L.-to-the-U.T.S.

And the other 75% are liars

panda100

wyndham wrote:

25% of boardsies do it on the first date. Bunch of S.L.-to-the-U.T.S.

I just cant believe 39% of boardsies sleep with people on the first date. Im not saying theres anything wrong with it but I just dont believe it. I dont know anyone, and I have a pretty wide circle of friends in Dublin and around the country, who would even fathom sleeping with someone on the first date.

Tar.Aldarion

It's not do have sex after a first date always, but certainly wouldn't discount it.

Sam Vimes

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I went out with a guy for over 2.5 years (From 18-20.5yrs old) and I never had sex with him.

:eek: that man was a saint

Femelade

i told my current boyfriend "1 month" when we first met, but then changed it to "1 more month" after the first month was up...a bit unfair you might say but he didnt mind..said we had all the time in the world..We slept together a good few times in that 2 months, but never did anything, his company and the comfort of having his arms around me was all i wanted, and he was the same.

Kell

panda100 wrote:

I dont know anyone, and I have a pretty wide circle of friends in Dublin and around the country, who would even fathom sleeping with someone on the first date.

Maybe they are worried you will think they are a slut if they admit to it? People dont always tell the truth dear. Its like, stats will tell you that 90% of men ****. The other 10% are lying.

K-

Mrs_Doyle

Commander Vimes wrote:

:eek: that man was a saint

Nah, he wasn't, so I'm really glad I never slept with him.
Just because I wasn't having sex, didn't mean he wasn't having a sex - I had my suspicions when we were together, and they were confirmed once we split.

I wasn't heartbroken though, was never a very 'real' relationship, I honestly don't know how it lasted as long as it did.

MicraBoy

panda100 wrote:

I just cant believe 39% of boardsies sleep with people on the first date. Im not saying theres anything wrong with it but I just dont believe it. I dont know anyone, and I have a pretty wide circle of friends in Dublin and around the country, who would even fathom sleeping with someone on the first date.

Then again I don't know anyonw that would wait for six months. Or put up with waiting six months. The only possible exceptions being extenuating circumstances like one partner being a virgin etc.

Mrs_Doyle

I know there are a lot of boardsies saying that they couldn't wait 6 months, etc... but i think if you really like someone, you wont mind waiting.
Its not like you will be living a life of celibacy during the 6 months, in fact, you will probably have as much, if not more, physical fun during those 6 months, then you will once you actually start having sex, because you will be discovering one another's bodies, finding out what the other person likes, and the anticipation will be a HUGE turn on.

A few of my friends were talking about this recently, and we came to the conclusion that once the average couple start to have regular sex, the blow jobs stop, the kissing each other all over stops, the use of ice cream/champagne in the bed room stops, or at least the aforementioned are carried out far less then they were before you started having sex.

I have only have had two long term boyfriends, but I have gone out with other lads, for a few months at a time, and not having sex was never an issue, I was never an ice maiden, and they all genuinely liked me enough to stick around, knowing that sex wouldn't be on the cards any time soon.

I still am on friendly terms with them now, and if anything, the general consensus is that they have a lot of respect for me.

LegacyUser

I get what everyone's saying about no definite time....now how about this.
just started seeing a guy i knew in college - wouldn't say we were ever good friends but acquaintances/friends in a flirty sense but never kissed. this is going back 2 or 3 yrs
anyhow just started seeing him properly - now this is a bit different to a new guy so what would approp time limit here? could i justify making him wait 3 or 4 months? don't want to rush into anything but at same time know him pretty well so its wrecking my head a bit

Talliesin

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

A few of my friends were talking about this recently, and we came to the conclusion that once the average couple start to have regular sex, the blow jobs stop, the kissing each other all over stops, the use of ice cream/champagne in the bed room stops, or at least the aforementioned are carried out far less then they were before you started having sex.

I'd consider blow jobs as being sex (not very big on the idea of intercourse as the sole definition of sex) so they obviously can't stop once sex starts.

Our differences in definitions aside, I do think that this is a separate issue though. There's a reasonable drop-off in the amount of romantic gestures as people move out of the initial courtship period; one is no longer working on seduction, one may go straight to what you know works for each other instead of exploring, and so on. If you've been going a bit nuts about a new person in your life and spending more time and money on each other than you can maintain then that's going to have to happen. If the drop-off in romance is greater than that then there's a problem, but I think its a very much a separate issue to any question of when particular sexual activity comes into a developing relationship.

Sangre

Femmy wrote:

We slept together a good few times in that 2 months, but never did anything, his company and the comfort of having his arms around me was all i wanted, and he was the same.

Its so sweet that you believe that.

Tar.Aldarion

How cute.

turbot

I think, in practice, it's a good idea to ask yourself:

"If I woke up next to someone on five different occassions, would I still be glad they are there". If you can answer yes, then sleeping with them will probably be something you really want, vs out of horniness.

Panda100 - I'm surprised by your circle of friends / knowledge of them.

I'm going to guess, for at least half of my friends, the shortest time to sleeping with someone was within an hour of meeting them (let alone going on a date).

Two examples spring to mind:

One of my male friends, brought home 5 different girls, one each night, 5 nights in a row.

And then I know a girl who... after going to oxygen as a 19 year old, slept with 4 different guys over the course of the weekend.

Talliesin

Sangre wrote:

Its so sweet that you believe that.

So sad that you don't. Sure, maybe it was a line, but quite possibly it wasn't.

Look through this forum and see how many of the issues people are having are due in whole or in part to the belief that all men think the same as each other, and all women think the same as each other.

Katykaboom

well said!

Jocry

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I know there are a lot of boardsies saying that they couldn't wait 6 months, etc... but i think if you really like someone, you wont mind waiting.
Its not like you will be living a life of celibacy during the 6 months, in fact, you will probably have as much, if not more, physical fun during those 6 months, then you will once you actually start having sex, because you will be discovering one another's bodies, finding out what the other person likes, and the anticipation will be a HUGE turn on.

I know this may sound strange coming from a guy but I have to agree with Mrs_Doyle on this one. Im not sure about the 6 months gap but definitely if you really like someone you wont mind waiting.

Cabaal

it'll happen when your both ready,
simple as that.

Motley Crue

turbot wrote:

One of my male friends, brought home 5 different girls, one each night, 5 nights in a row.

I think thats something he wanted though, out of horniess, and also to see if it could be done. it sounds like he was fufilling a fantasy. did you ever ask him, and i mean this seriously, why he stopped after the 5th girl? I personally would have stopped after the first, and bragged about that for a week lol but thats only because i think people wouldnt believe i could bed 5 girls in 5 days

turbot wrote:

And then I know a girl who... after going to oxygen as a 19 year old, slept with 4 different guys over the course of the weekend.

I have to say that this doesnt shock me one bit. If you mix with the right people, especially if your a girl, I think that you will end up getting laid if you want sex. Personally, I think its easier for a girl to find a man who will sleep with her then it is for a man to find a girl who will. This, I believe, is simply because women are more (in general anyway) cautious about their sexual exploits and tend not to 'jump into bed with the first guy' on impulse. perhaps im being nieve saying this, but I think girls in Dublin are a lot more refined (when it comes to sexual matters) then guys

The Sweeper

I think there needs to be a 'depends on the partner' option in that poll.