sexual advice

LegacyUser

Ok im a registered user going unreg for this one.

two questions I want to put out there so i'll keep it nice and short.

Ive been going with a girl for the last three weeks, we've ended up in bed 5 times to date and ive only been able to make her orgasm twice, she says that she doesnt cum very often but i feel that I must be doing something wrong - Ive asked for feedback and tried different things and she seems to enjoy it but doesnt cum. What should I do?

Secondly im still a virgin, really like this girl, feel comfortable with her and trust her, but when we went to have sex i lost my erection, she was really nice about it but I feel a bit embarassed especially as getting an erection isnt normally a problem around her. Is there anything I can do to help or is it really simply just a question of relaxing?

Ph3n0m

advicewelcome wrote:

Ok im a registered user going unreg for this one.

two questions I want to put out there so i'll keep it nice and short.

Ive been going with a girl for the last three weeks, we've ended up in bed 5 times to date and ive only been able to make her orgasm twice, she says that she doesnt cum very often but i feel that I must be doing something wrong - Ive asked for feedback and tried different things and she seems to enjoy it but doesnt cum. What should I do?

Secondly im still a virgin, really like this girl, feel comfortable with her and trust her, but when we went to have sex i lost my erection, she was really nice about it but I feel a bit embarassed especially as getting an erection isnt normally a problem around her. Is there anything I can do to help or is it really simply just a question of relaxing?

in relation to your second question - trust me it is all about relaxing. I will admit, it has happened to me before and while you want to crawl into a hole and die. It is a case of relaxing - the amount of internal pressure some people put themselves under to "perform" is incredible. Speaking from experience, it will go right, just have a little patience with yourself.

As for the first part - hell no you are not doing anything wrong - you are still exploring her body - you arent going to discover everything first time around. Again take your time, and have fun - thats whats its all about. Remember there are two of you in the bed - and while one may have more experience, each person is different and unique - therefore what works for one person, may not work for the next.

Ruu_Old

For the first part, learn to help each other out. Try some different positions perhaps and guide each other.
The second part is simple enough, I think a few people will agree that you are just not relaxing and if its not that, then keep at the foreplay for a while more (I'm sure you both won't mind doing that) until you forget about it. Have fun.

aidan24326

Q1
-If you've made her cum a couple of times already I think you'e not doing too bad! Nothing to worry about there. You're still at the stage of exploring each other's bodies but it's certainly fun finding out.

Q2
-like the others said you need to relax and not put yourself under pressure. Alot of people have this sort of problem at the start. It will work out fine.

Talliesin

Q1
- See says she doesn't cum often, you've not been with her long enough to have a good sense of what does it for her personally, you're currently going at a 40% orgasm rate.

All in all you're not doing too bad.

Look, it's good to be good in bed, it's good to bring your partner to orgasm often, it's good if you're able to make things happen for her.

It's not a competition though. We all want to avoid fitting the stereotype of the man who can't find a clitoris with a map, compass and team of Sherpas, but it's not a good thing to get paranoid about it - not good for you and not good for your lover.

If she's enjoying it, happy, and finds expression of how she feels about you (if the two of you aren't purely a sexual thing) in it, then you're on a good basis to explore each others' bodies and preferences and become better lovers for each other.

In all, don't treat her reaching orgasm as some sort of finishing post or gold standard of good sex. Just concentrate on it being good, not on any particular measure of it being good.

This relates to the second issue too. Don't worry so much, just enjoy yourself and do things that she enjoys and let it happen.

chamlis

About your second point, just to add that if there is any alcohol involved it can make things a little more.....difficult.

McGinty

From a female perspective, you are doing really well, personally during the early stages of sex you are both discovering what works for each other, also the fact that she is your first lover says something as well, early sex is strange, in that you both desire each other deeply but at the same time it is awkward, over time you get into the groove of each other and then the desire wanes a little, but also what most women love is sensuality, lots of tactile touches, build up, teasing, maybe washing her hair, massaging her, romancing her, all these things build up sexual tension and women tend to keep simmering for a long time.