The Church of Boards.ie, A Religion!

netwhizkid

Boards.ie A Religion!

There has been Boards the Movie etc. This is my particular take on it.

Cloud: The man above with infinite wisdom, similarities with God, Buddah, and Apu Nahasapeemapetilon’s (from the Simpson’s) Elephant God. Rarely seen in the world of boards, except for “announcements” every now and then, such as vote for us, or take a depression survey – Win three iPods and get to join me in the afterlife.

Afterlife: It exists outside the virtual world of the PC and is rumoured to be a dangerous place, women are to be found there apparently, sometimes referred to as the “Real World” shudders.

DeVore: God’s boss on Earth, Similarities with Pope Benedict XVI, Moqtada AL Sadr , generally carries out the order’s of the man above.

Bishops: Those who must be obeyed, each rule over their own diocese (Forum) and sometimes even rule multiple diocese’s. Usually more than one occupies this position. Sometime’s we wish we could give them “a kick up the ar*e” in 10 X 10 Ted. We all have ones we dislike etc.

Priests: Regular Contributor’s and generally non-trouble makers may be spotted in the Sig-po every now and then. Generally afraid of the aforementioned Bishop and hoping to be such a goody two shoes that Bishopdom may eventually happen.

The Flock: All of us, yet there are difference’s some like to sit at the front and listen to the Priest and Bishops and generally agree or even better the thing. More like to sit in the middle and contribute generally but can have arguments with the aforementioned Priest and Bishops. Then of course there is those of us who stand in the door porch talking and can have all sort of blasphemy thrown at them, good contributors but try to avoid the collection plate and have little regard for the good book.

The Good Book: A sticky at the top of most forums, which outlines a thing called “the charter” it is rules of how we must live if we are to abide by the boards religion. Enforced by the Priest’s and Bishops.

Collection Plate: A subscription of €5 per month to guarantee extra privileges in the Religion, you can get your Avatar made bigger, (a must for those with small winky’s) you can get the name on the aul baptismal cert changed, some of us are in the Church of Boards so long we get to dislike our names, Gaylord Focker may have sounded good at the start. The Subscription gets you access to the HONK Forum aka Sex and Sexuality, priests are banned, apparently the News/Media forum threw its weight around.

Shaking Hands: A feature of boards no longer, it involved giving other member’s rep points, (shaking hands) however at mass time some member’s chose to give punch’s instead (bad rep points) and the system was dropped, other people were in favour of dropping it as they were afraid where other member’s hands had been, (funnily it was dropped around the time of the HONK Forum introduction)

HELL & PURGATORY: Something which is threatened regularly especially to the outside porch brigade, Hell is a form of Afterlife where access to boards is denied, also called banning. PURGATORY a trip to the afterlife to scout it out, The Church of Boards will re-admit sinners after a nominal period usually a week, 10days or a fortnight. Alternatively to going to hell is handing out in Prison with those destined for hell, expletives galore.

Church Congress: The System Diocese, It contains everything from sinners pleading for forgiveness to renegade priest’s and would be bishop’s begging to be given funds for a new Diocese that they can rule over, also known as Forums Approved and Rejected. The Feedback forum has mainly complaints with disgruntled parishioner’s common complaints are I got punched at mass and the search of the ancient text’s and manuscripts is broken again. The most common place to sight the big two Devore and Cloud, I once argued with the benevolent DeVore there over something called Ad’s, I was told something like back under the bridge.

Private Forum’s: there was once a famous leak of these a screen shots were posted, it took the church a while to recover. Apparently, from excommunicated Bishop’s strange and mysterious goings on abound there and the banning lottery is held every Friday after the weekly game of charades. The unfortunate drone from the flock then get’s banned and a trip to HELL & PURGATORY, I once fell foul of this lottery but defended myself in congress, Agreement was that the Bishop in question was wrong but wouldn’t admit it, I remain in PURGATORY from that particular Diocese. The Bishop in question later resigned his position in that diocese and availed of his right to change his name as per the collection plate. Church Politics may have been involved.

Training: Priest’s train to be Bishop’s by sucking up big time as mentioned earlier, a mysterious test called “AMP” is performed and an ex-member of the church said it involves taking the priest out to rural east Mayo and giving him A red and Yellow Truck and telling him to post up pictures of if my mid afternoon on a fast connection of 10bps on the Mayo Fibre network.

Mass is celebrated publicly in a bar somewhere in Dublin usually a few times a year and many of the flock attend, it can be called boards beers: although usually sacramental wine is served.

Competing religions are to be found, and one renegade member of the Church of boards, set up his own and named it with massive similarity to the Church of boards. However boards now has 75,000 members and growing, I think an evangelical drvie is in order brothers!!



Any comments??

Lurk

Very good. Before I sign away my soul, who's the devil?

bluto63

This makes more sense than any other religion I've ever heard about!

BlitzKrieg

bah second rate shcism at most...

Faith

I'm a bishop, eh? I assume that this church allows women to be involved.

fillmore jive

dunoo bout that fiver a month

Ruu_Old

Bishop Ruu..Bish.. doesn't sound right at all. Anyway where is my cup of tea and who is going to be my assistant?:)

daiixi

I wanna be the devil!

Rabies

Lurk wrote:

Very good. Before I sign away my soul, who's the devil?

******

Sam Vimes

netwhizkid wrote:

I once fell foul of this lottery but defended myself in congress, Agreement was that the Bishop in question was wrong but wouldn’t admit it, I remain in PURGATORY from that particular Diocese. The Bishop in question later resigned his position in that diocese and availed of his right to change his name as per the collection plate. Church Politics may have been involved.

did you never get unbanned that time? that's shocking

i am thinking of the same thing right? the time when you posted something in AH and a mod moved it to politics only to have you banned by a particular mod (who i've had my own dealings with) for breaking the charter of politics.

i wondered why he changed his name


are you sure he resigned? it still says he's a politics mod

netwhizkid

Commander Vimes wrote:

did you never get unbanned that time? that's shocking

i am thinking of the same thing right? the time when you posted something in AH and a mod moved it to politics only to have you banned by a particular mod (who i've had my own dealings with) for breaking the charter of politics.

i wondered why he changed his name


are you sure he resigned? it still says he's a politics mod

You are thinking of the same thing indeed, Tristrame (formally Earthman) was the particular Bishop involved, that I suppose was his Annie Murphy incident ala Bishop Casey. He resigned from his duties in "Weather" and after a long thread which was eventually locked in Feedback, the consensus was wrong doingings were a foot.

There is a bit of a parody between boards and the church is there not??

Mods: I am not seeking to make an issue of the above incident which occurred with Tristrame just simply filling in Commander Vimes on the story. You opinion would be nice via PM if you want something to type.

monkeyfudge

BlitzKrieg wrote:

bah second rate shcism at most...

Yep... It's certainly no Church of Cybertron.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054996000

BlueSpiral

Oh how this brings back memories of the ol' cult days.

I was the third saint or holy person or something I was worshipped and important for.

LadyJ

Can I be a pony?

Sam Vimes

netwhizkid wrote:

He resigned from his duties in "Weather" and after a long thread which was eventually locked in Feedback, the consensus was wrong doingings were a foot.

my thread got locked too when i really wanted an answer to the question i had just asked him

wish i was a mod so i could lock threads i didn't want to answer

BlueSpiral

LadyJ wrote:

Can I be a pony?

Oh hold it back Sue.....don't say it....

Karoma

monkeyfudge wrote:

Yep... It's certainly no Church of Cybertron.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054996000

Stop spamming with YORE (Yes! Go ahead correct my spelling, peon! You know who you are.) forums.

The charters are somewhat inconsistent between fora - we could hardly just dump them all into the same book and base a religion & way of life on it >_>

Faith

Karoma wrote:

YORE (Yes! Go ahead correct my spelling, peon! You know who you are.)

It's no fun if you know it's coming...

Black Swan

A religion without a rebel is a bore. I'll be a cyber-heretic.

Lurk

Rabies wrote:

******

Me thought mine eyes hath seen a name here, but 'tis vanish-ed-ed
Some witchcraft be afoot

Bob the Builder

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

A religion without a rebel is a bore. I'll be a cyber-heretic.

I'm the rebel... I'm like that snake in the garden of eden except now, i'm the snake in the Boards Server :P....I wanna be the devil's right hand man!!!

Sleepy

Surely the devil of the boards religion is Bubbles?

The Hill Billy

Pighead for Messiah!

biko

I wanna be the fundamentalist TV preacher for this religion.

layke

Hill Billy wrote:

Pighead for Messiah!

Agreed.

Now who wants to be Alterboy?

The Hill Billy

layke wrote:

Agreed.

Now who wants to be Alterboy?

Ruu tends to be a nice, quiet, obliging type.





Sorry Ruu!

Tar.Aldarion

LadyJ wrote:

Can I be a pony?

...ride...pony...too...easy...

Demetrius

I'll assume that all those who post after me will be part of my fundamentalist movement.

Pen-pals, anyone?:)

Ruu_Old

Hill Billy wrote:

Ruu tends to be a nice, quiet, obliging type.





Sorry Ruu!

Its the holy water, aint it? Ah it burns, it burns!:eek:

Dooom

Can I be the one that watches everything from the two-way mirror high above in the attic?

Karoma

netpisskid, Commander Vimes: Stay on topic. You can discuss that crap in PM if you feel that you absolutely must.

netwhizkid

netwhizkid wrote:

You are thinking of the same thing indeed, Tristrame (formally Earthman) was the particular Bishop involved, that I suppose was his Annie Murphy incident ala Bishop Casey. He resigned from his duties in "Weather" and after a long thread which was eventually locked in Feedback, the consensus was wrong doingings were a foot.

There is a bit of a parody between boards and the church is there not??

Mods: I am not seeking to make an issue of the above incident which occurred with Tristrame just simply filling in Commander Vimes on the story. You opinion would be nice via PM if you want something to type.

No thats why you dont mention it any chance you get... :rolleyes:
Of course you will be economical with your information each time...

Commander Vimes wrote:

my thread got locked too when i really wanted an answer to the question i had just asked him

wish i was a mod so i could lock threads i didn't want to answer

Another post economical with the truth...
In keeping with the thread title I nominate Netwhizkid and commander Vimes as the two false god's of the church of boards.ie...

Karoma

Enough.

Dooom

What ever happened to the Raiserites? We'd whup the lot of ye.

Karoma wrote:

Enough.

Ooooh...

Tar.Aldarion

I love it when the lady talks in bold, gets me all hot and bothered.