Perspectives re: Girl please

Froot

Right, broke up with GF of 2 years in August...a month later i meet up with this girl and we hit it off instantly. Cant keep away from eachother, all her friends say she is acting totally differently than normal when around me and that she likes me more than they have ever seen her like anyone.

She goes on the piss to another city for two days and comes back acting like a cold fish. Meet up with her the night she comes back and she basically ignores me for three hours until i make my excuses and leave.

She then tells me that its not going to work because I'm too much work for her, i ask why she says because

Thats all well and good but is this about me or about her?

LegacyUser

it seems it is about you. she said YOU were too much work for her. that might or mightnt be true either way thats the story shes given you so accept it and get to the root of it if you want to keeo her.
have you been playing it cool? breaking arrangements? has she needed to chase you? she mightnt be the type of girl used to chasing and likes to be chased. certainly if she likes you more then anyone before she'll have this idea that you mustnt like her as much as she wishes you did.

Talliesin

Froot wrote:

Thats all well and good but is this about me or about her?

This very question assumes that either you'd be perfect partner material for every girl in the world or she'd be perfect partner material for every (straight man?) in the world and it's just that one of you is such an enormous screw-up that the otherwise untarnished perfection of the other isn't enough.

This seems rather unlikely.

zeusnero

imo sounds like something happened while she was in the other city... i mean she's not likely to stop liking you for no apparent reason (but then again she is a woman

and i have to say it might be time to move on. that being said, i'd try to find out more from her, if possible

Grem

Probe her. Ask her why she has suddenly changed her attitude toward you. Even if she doesnt want to be with you anymore, you at least deserve an explanation from her.

Kell

Grem wrote:

Probe her.

Banish filthy thoughts K, banish filthy thoughts.

OP- her saying that "you" are too much work after being all over eachother is a polite way of her saying "I got ridden till I hurt the other night, and have decided I like him better". Deflecting responsibility is a great way to dump someone- "its not me, its you hon, sorry".

Anyways OP, you split with your ex of two years in August. You should be getting over/under as many women as possible at this stage but NOT getting involved in any. Your relationship programmed mind needs to adjust to the real world.

K-

Froot

Well yeah I mean i was in bed with another woman two days later.

Thats not the issue here...The issue is that she made it about my personality...I know the old its not you its me sh!te or whatever way it goes and thats fine but this was effectively: you and your issues are too much for me...

I mean all we had talked about was work, sex and drinking you know...I guess im just pissed off that someone would say something like that to someone instead f just using one of another 99999 excuses...That specific one just pushes a few buttons thats all.

Zombrex

I'm afraid only you can tell us if you actually were too much work for her, or if that is just an excuse because she did the dirt (or wantedt to) on the holiday and doesn't want to feel bad about it.

She might have realised when she was out dancing her little heart out with her friends on this trip that she would actually prefer to be single at the moment.

You say that that pushes your buttons? Is that because you worry that you are too needy or too much work?

Try and have an honest look at yourself and how you act, without getting defensive and angry. Are you needy, do you nag, do you expect too much, do you bug her. If you don't, if you geninuely think you were acting just fine, then it is clear she is the one with the problem, either this was a bs excuse or she doesn't know that a normal relationship is supposed to be like (excepting a girl you are seeing to actually want to see you is not being needy)

Just remember just because she says you were too much work doesn't mean you actually are. She might be the one with the problem.

There is a bit of room here to live and learn, maybe take on boards some of the stuff she said if you think you need it, but either way I would forget about her.

Froot

Yeah thats the best course of action.

I am an emotionally dominated person and my own "issues" for lack of a better word do eventually come to the fore but this was not the case this time around. It just feels that when I'm open people run away and when I hide it people read me like a book.

Ah well **** it. Another girl being added to the bitch pile

Nevyn

Ever stop to think that maybe you do have issues ?
Esp if mentioning certain topic or certain issues pushes your buttons ?

Kell

Thaedydal wrote:

Ever stop to think that maybe you do have issues ?
Esp if mentioning certain topic or certain issues pushes your buttons ?

:rolleyes:

Froot wrote:

I guess im just pissed off that someone would say something like that to someone instead f just using one of another 99999 excuses...That specific one just pushes a few buttons thats all.

This is why its time to take time out and work on yourself and not be worried about others, especially what they think of/view you. Treading carefully, are you an emotionally needy person i.e. references to you being too much work pushing nasty buttons for you? If you are emotionally needy, ask yourself why.

K-

Black Swan

Froot wrote:

She goes on the piss to another city for two days and comes back acting like a cold fish. Meet up with her the night she comes back and she basically ignores me for three hours until i make my excuses and leave.

Me thinks she met someone else in "another city" that she fancies? Ask her.

dr.bollocko

Maybe, just maybe, you have no reason to be pissed off. She broke up with you, and gave you her honest reasons.
Believe her, thank her for her honesty and input and move on.
If you feel its a problem then change, if its not a problem then its just two incompatible people who broke up.
You seem more angry that she would question your total fantasticness than that she broke up with you. I think you been huffing that self-loving pipe a bit too much.

bubblicious

just from a girl's perspective...

ye were together a month, maybe 2...
ye obviously had something between ye..
she breaks up with you..
and 2 days later you're sleeping with another girl??

i really don't get ye guys!!

if you supposedly care about someone (being with them for a month or more kinda gives the impression that u do), i don't get how u can hop into bed with someone else within 2 days!!


also...i reckon it's jus she wants to be single...but it's easier for us girls to say something else (like ur too much work) than to say what's really bothering us...

popebenny16

Her view of the relationship:

Cant keep away from eachother, all her friends say she is acting totally differently than normal when around me and that she likes me more than they have ever seen her like anyone.

Yours:

Well yeah I mean i was in bed with another woman two days later.

She was mad about you. You acted all too cool, she felt she was wasting her time.

She was right, by the way.

Froot

I felt the exact same, and I told her. Everything was great. Then she just switches off.

I am not a womanising kind of guy and being honest I have no idea how I ended up with someone else two days later.

The fact is I was told exactly where I stood with her and then she just went the totally opposite direction overnight and according to her it was because of me.

As I said my issue is not the fact that she did that, its that according to her its because of me. And I am well aware you seem to agree with her decision.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

bubblicious wrote:

i really dif you supposedly care about someone (being with them for a month or more kinda gives the impression that u do), i don't get how u can hop into bed with someone else within 2 days!!

I made it plainly obvious what I thought of her when I told her, which was in response to her telling me how she felt.

I contacted her a few times over the following days and she completely ignored me.

The reason I didnt try to win her back, or whatever the phrase is, is because she did the same to another guy just weeks before I met her. I was informed in advance that she was the kind of girl who likes guys for a month or two then just drops them. I just found it hard to believe that someone could tell me how they feel, appear to be genuine and then just backtrack instantly.

And your saying you dont understand guys??!