Advice re bullying at work

wellidont

My boss has been giving me a hard time for about two years, he’s been quite aggressive and threatening but he has been quite cute about how he has done it too.
I’m a good employee, the rest of my colleagues and anyone who I’ve worked for has said so.
My current situation is not a good one, the job and stress wondering when the boss is going to ridicule me has taken it’s toll and for the first time ever last week I had a panic attack in the office.
Basically I’m a grown man but I can’t this situation and I’m doubting everything about myself, my suitability for the career..I’ve just been very depressed
Leaving is not an option, although I’ve tried recruitment agencies nothing has come up in the line of interviews and besides I need my income as I’ve bought a house.
There is no real HR dept/bullying code and the person who has been hassling me is such a senior member of staff no action would be taken and I know I’d just end up ruining my reputation in the industry.
Although I haven’t made any issue of any of this, some of my colleagues have asked me ‘are you ok’ or ‘is so and so treating you ok’
My question is I’ve built up a dossier of incidents, times and dates when this individual has been abusive towards me over the past two years and I’m looking to find out which external source do you go to if there is a problem? Should/would I approach a solicitor in the event of this getting nasty?
I’ve tried putting my head down and being a ‘good’ employee but it simply hasn’t worked, and while I’m determined to get on with things..life isn’t easy and I’d like to know have I got any security.
For example in the event of things reaching a head would I have any fallback..
What constitutes bullying?
Who do go to for advice on this?
Has anyone taken a case against an employer? How did It work out?
If anyone has been in my shoes you might be able to advise.
Thank you

Jvizzle

Can you give us some examples of the bullying you have suffered ?
Its just one mans bullying , could be another mans overly bearing boss.

The Hill Billy

Wellidont - Have a look here for some info that may be useful.

Have you considered being straight with your boss about it? I mean walk into work and say i would like a meeting with you please. At the meeting simply state your case, very frankly and without being moany about it.
Say to him, these are the facts...have you got a problem with me? if so what is it. It may be a very difficult thing to do. But he cant fire you for asking a question. I would try to be as direct as possible about it, especially as its getting you depressed. I imagine it would give you a wave of relief if you did it.

road_high

I would agree with El Rifle i.e. tackle this head on. I know your confidence is at a low ebb thanks to this bo***x and you probably find that difficult- I mean who wouldn't? You obviously aren't the one with the problem. He is.
You say he's your boss which I presume your superviser and not the owner of the company? So therefore he too is an employee of the comapny and as such must abide by the same rules and conduct as anybody else. I'm not up on the legal aspects of bullying and conduct at work, but I'm sure there must be legislation in place to deal with this. Also the fact you kept a dosier of these incidents should be of help to you.
Furthermore you say you are a good employee; I certainly don't doubt this as research has shown that it is generally stronger employees that are targets for such bullies; they feel threatened by your ability and want to knock you. This has been well proven.
I know of lots of cases of bullying where the bully wins i.e. the person eventually leaves which really pisses me off. I mean why should they win.
In the meantime, keep your head high. I'm sure people here on boards have lots more useful advice on the specifics of this issue than me.

kizzyr

There has been some good advice given here. You can tackle your boss head on about this and if you do good luck with it.
Either way I think you need to get out of there. There is no such thing as no new job. It may take time and you may have to alter your interview technique, possible look at the jobs you've been applying for and look back at why you didn't get them and learn from that. It will do you no good at all to stay somewhere you are unhappy every single day. If you can't get a new job for a good while, talk to your bank and discuss postponing your mortgage payments for a few months this may give you some breathing space while you get your head together.

ninetofive

This is a very interesting thread for me as in the past few months I have been made to feel very uncomfortable at work by one of my colleagues...I have been hesitating to call it bullying but that is certainly what it's starting to feel like to me.

Thanks for the link to the Oasis website Hill Billy, that's a useful read.

However, even just from my own experience I know that I just couldn't bring myself to sit down with the person who has been giving me grief, and I'm not sure that there are many people out there who could! Of course, in theory it is the best way to get things sorted out but in reality it just feels like it would make things worse, make you more of a target, or increase the likelihood of you becoming the subject of plenty more office gossip - thus making you even more uncomfortable in your place of work.

Also, in my opinion the issue of whether there are other suitable jobs out there, or how the OP can go about moving jobs, is not necessarily the solution. I think most people would agree that nobody should be forced out of their job through bullying when they have been good employees and it's the bully who should be facing the consequences of their actions.

OP, as you have been putting up with this for 2 years already, and as you seem to have been doing the right thing by keeping a record of incidents of bullying, then it would seem to me that the next step is to contact one of the organisations from the earlier link (seeing as you don't have a HR Department to go to or any sort of anti-harrassment policy to consult). I'm sure that the Equality Authority/Citizens Information etc. mentioned on that web-page will be able to give you plenty of advice on what steps to take next even if you're not keen on taking things to tribunal or engaging a solicitor just yet.

As for me, I think I'll take a leaf out of your book and start keeping a record of incidents myself....but if you, or anyone else, has any advice for me on how to put a stop to my situation now (before I find myself in the position you are 2 years down the line), then I would be really grateful!

Good luck wellidont and keep your chin up!

strangeloop

Hello ninetofive, sorry to hear about your problem - I went through a very mild case of bullying a few years ago. I don't think creating a paper trail of bullying incidents will help much. A colleague recently went through this and documented all incidents. The end result was it didn't really count for much as it was her word against the others. The best way would be to talk to the person and have fewer dealings with them.

Keep us updated:)

shoegirl

I was in a position where I had to work with a really rude and difficult to deal with colleague. I applied for a job outside the company and the agency actually got me a job in a company other than the job I originally applied for. As it happened I was more interested in the original position but as it happened a better job again came along and i took it.

Which was rather lucky as it happened, because my difficult colleague applied for, and got, a job in the company I originally applied for. The moral of the story is that leaving doesn't necessarily work as they can turn up again!

Anyway I did realise that everybody who'd worked with this guy had ended up leaving, and 2 people actually told me straight out that they found him impossible to deal with. I didn't bother trying to handle him as our supervisor had already tried with him on some of the more minor issues, but hit a brick wall that he couldn't get around. I eventually found that the only way to deal with him was to evade him as much as possible and deflect his responsuibilities back to him if he failed to help me out.

Xterminator

In my job, i have a collegue who was badley bullied.

He made a little dossier, just like you and handed it to his solicitor. The solictor handed it to the company 'officially'.

He then took 6 weeks paid leave for 'stress' related illness. since he came back, his boss minds his p's &q's; is very polite, and has generally improved his attitude to all employees, nit tjust the one who complained.

I am guessing he had a very strong case, eg emails printed out, witnesses etc.

He is much happier now, and there is no need for him to leave the job, but i reckon he loves the fact the bully boss has obviously been warned, and has had his cards marked, if you know what i mean!

My advice get the opinion of a qualified solicitor who specialises in workplace law. If you have a balance of proof, take action, if not gather the proof you need.

X

Tabnabs

Just to add, I worked in an office where a female employee was being verbally belittled reather than direct bullying. She kept a factual record of what was said and when and finally presented it to the boss. The associate in the company got a severe dressing down and has been a different person to her ever since.

Mrs OBumble

Original thread is three years old.

Document what's happening. Make it clear to the bully that you are documenting. Get other written evidence of your good performance.

So they could withhold a reference. Well, if they don't like you, it's not going to be a good reference anyway, so stop regarding that as a problem!

malene

I am getting bullied from about 5 people and am up to my head in it and can't take much more. It's a family business. Nothing documented. Can't talk about it much here, but if there are any slicitors there, and they want to PM, please do. It's an awkward situation. Suicide is plan b.

bored and fussy

Jvizzle wrote: »

Can you give us some examples of the bullying you have suffered ?
Its just one mans bullying , could be another mans overly bearing boss.

I am sure he knows if he is been bullied if he feels uncomfortable with a situation and is unable to say so there is something bad going on dont you think

bored and fussy

wellidont wrote: »

My boss has been giving me a hard time for about two years, he’s been quite aggressive and threatening but he has been quite cute about how he has done it too.
I’m a good employee, the rest of my colleagues and anyone who I’ve worked for has said so.
My current situation is not a good one, the job and stress wondering when the boss is going to ridicule me has taken it’s toll and for the first time ever last week I had a panic attack in the office.
Basically I’m a grown man but I can’t this situation and I’m doubting everything about myself, my suitability for the career..I’ve just been very depressed
Leaving is not an option, although I’ve tried recruitment agencies nothing has come up in the line of interviews and besides I need my income as I’ve bought a house.
There is no real HR dept/bullying code and the person who has been hassling me is such a senior member of staff no action would be taken and I know I’d just end up ruining my reputation in the industry.
Although I haven’t made any issue of any of this, some of my colleagues have asked me ‘are you ok’ or ‘is so and so treating you ok’
My question is I’ve built up a dossier of incidents, times and dates when this individual has been abusive towards me over the past two years and I’m looking to find out which external source do you go to if there is a problem? Should/would I approach a solicitor in the event of this getting nasty?
I’ve tried putting my head down and being a ‘good’ employee but it simply hasn’t worked, and while I’m determined to get on with things..life isn’t easy and I’d like to know have I got any security.
For example in the event of things reaching a head would I have any fallback..
What constitutes bullying?
Who do go to for advice on this?
Has anyone taken a case against an employer? How did It work out?
If anyone has been in my shoes you might be able to advise.
Thank you

I hope you get help with this problem but in the meantime i do wish you peace take care of yourself but from what i know of the subject the person in question feels inferior to you and it is this weakness that is causing the problem i dont think this is of help but take care of yourself

Waternews

malene wrote: »

I am getting bullied from about 5 people and am up to my head in it and can't take much more. It's a family business. Nothing documented. Can't talk about it much here, but if there are any slicitors there, and they want to PM, please do. It's an awkward situation. Suicide is plan b.

Malene - suicide is not an option. Please contact Samaritans if you need to talk. 1850 60 90 90

Optimalprimerib

malene wrote: »

I am getting bullied from about 5 people and am up to my head in it and can't take much more. It's a family business. Nothing documented. Can't talk about it much here, but if there are any slicitors there, and they want to PM, please do. It's an awkward situation. Suicide is plan b.

As a matter of interest are u part of that family. Leaving should be plan b, not suicide. Feck all that bs that there is nothing better out there, if work is making your life that difficult, anything is better.

malene

Optimalprimerib wrote: »

As a matter of interest are u part of that family. Leaving should be plan b, not suicide. Feck all that bs that there is nothing better out there, if work is making your life that difficult, anything is better.

yes, brother and father amongst others.