hinting at pregnancy

esperanza

People keep saying things to me about children indirectly, such as "When you have children..."... my doctor said last week "if you become pregnant, stop using this", to which I replied, "oh, if I get pregnant it will be an accident" to which she replied, "Well, you may want to as well". Today my landlord also said somthing similar, and friends at a party a couple of weeks ago were literally trying to talk me into having kids! It's all quite hilarious, as I have no partner and am not at all settled, and have no plans to.

Can anyone tell me why all this people are hinting at me? Why can't people just accept that not ALL women have to have children? There is a choice, isn't there?

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

Talliesin

esperanza wrote:

People keep saying things to me about children indirectly, such as "When you have children..."

People are stupid like that. They seem to think everyone must follow the same lifestyle. My guess is most of them are scared ****less they made a really bad lifestyle choice and are therefore acting out against those who live differently as a reaction to that.

esperanza wrote:

my doctor said last week "if you become pregnant, stop using this", to which I replied, "oh, if I get pregnant it will be an accident" to which she replied, "Well, you may want to as well".

Your doctor has to bear such possibilities in mind, in fairness.

esperanza wrote:

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

If all men find you too bossy and arrogant there's either something wrong with 3billion men or something wrong with you. Occam's razor says...

esperanza

Talliesin wrote:

If all men find you too bossy and arrogant there's either something wrong with 3billion men or something wrong with you. Occam's razor says...

Well, firstly I've never met 3 billion men - not even 300 - so not sure what you're on about there...

Yeah, there probably is sth wrong with me, from your average man's point of view... I'm a feminist and I want to be the one giving orders and not some macho eeijit thinking he can boss me about *just* because I'm a woman. Please tell me where I can find men that actually don't seek your typical yes sir-yes- sir-three-bags-full type woman.

Talliesin

esperanza wrote:

I'm a feminist and I want to be the one giving orders

You're a feminist, or you want one person in the relationship to be giving the orders, which?

esperanza

Talliesin wrote:

You're a feminist, or you want one person in the relationship to be giving the orders, which?

Well, both just like I said!

Ba_barbaraAnne

nobody in a relationship should be giving 'orders'!.... all good relationships are based on mutual co-operation and consensus,

ferdi

esperanza wrote:

I'm a feminist and I want to be the one giving orders

a feminist with a very loose grasp of the meaning of feminism it seems.
purely form a reading of your post i'd say men probably find you aggressive and insecure and thats what 'rules out' relationships for you.

Zulu

Ordering people about - you sound like great craic. Nice 'tude.

Talliesin

Buy a dictionary.

esperanza

Talliesin wrote:

Buy a dictionary.

maybe i wasn't quite clear, when i mean ordering about I mean actually making decisions, giving advice to b/f etc. some men actually ignore everything a woman says. not sure if that's any clearer. I probably do come over as aggresive, but certainly am not insecure, rather confident in fact, too much for men it seems.

hunnymonster

Have you simply pointed out to all these people (Dr aside as he has to consider all possibilities) that you just don't want children. I'm mid-30's and I find more and more people are saying similar things to me. When I point out that it's just not something I want to do as I like my lifestyle just as it is, they are happy enough with the explaination and leave it be. The only time it required a longer cnversation was when my partner and I sat down to talk about what we wanted out of life. Luckily we feel the same way.

Tobias Greeshman

Well it's good that you're confident and independent. There's absolutely nothing wrong with them as qualities in a woman, but it sounds like you have to be controlling all the time, and don't like to compromise.

And if this is true, then I'm not surprised you can't maintain a relationship with any guy.

I can't speak for other guys but I hate feminists, maybe it's turning guys off ya, and your confidence appears overly aggressive to them.

Zulu

esperanza wrote:

maybe i wasn't quite clear, when i mean ordering about I mean actually making decisions

Everone makes decisions. I think it's painfully clear what you mean.

rather confident in fact, too much for men it seems.

It's not your confidence that puts men off. Most men find confidence very attractive.

Talliesin

silas wrote:

I can't speak for other guys but I hate feminists

Yep, you certainly aren't speaking for me. As much as I enjoy playing at it being in charge, when it comes to real life I can't stand doormats.

Nevyn

Being a feminist mean you make decisions about your own life.
when you get into a long term relationship and move into gether then you have a life together and both parties bear the responsibilty for that relationship and for thier life together.

Esperanza you don't know what being a feminist means,
I suggest that you go learn and understand the concept before you throw it about so misguidedly.

Yes just because you have a womb it does not mean you have to have children, it is perfectly fine if you chose this for yourself in your life.
That may change it may not.

Great isn't that you have that option and not to marry and to have contraception and to work at what you and to go to college and to vote.

All wonderfull things brought about by feminism in the last 100 years,
but don't forget it is about choices for women.

Women that choose to have children and to get married are still following the feminist ideals by choosing from the options advailible to them.

Your dr need to get you to think about your health and is just asking you to be considerate of your fertility for the future in case you change your mind.

Everyone else tell them straight out that they are being rude as that is a personal matter and none of thier business. It does happen in social circles that as people reach a certain age and start to settle which for them makes them happy they want the people they know to be happy too and assume that settling down and starting a family will make them happy too.

They mean well but it is rude and you should tell them politely and firmly that it is a personal matter and none of thier affair.

As for your issue with bossy men it could be a hang over from childhood.
We see in our parents relationship what we think is the template for all settled married couples.
This makes some people look forward to sharing thier life with someone and working together, others it fills them with dread or contempt.

You are not your mother and not all men are your father or what ever male role models you have seen in your life being demanding and bossy.

There are plenty of men out that that respect women and will say to the women in thier life " what are we doing, what would you like to do, shall we..." and mean it.

If you are really that closed off and labeling all men in this fashion then you have a problem esp if you seem attract such men or are attracted to them.
We also get an imprint from our fathers and male role models to what is attractive, one of the many reasons little girls dote on thier fathers.

I would suggest you look at your life and your attitude to men and see how you can go about getting some help to gain a health perspective.

It is your choice to do so.

Feminism is about choices and respect they both seem to be something you need to learn about.

Nevyn

Oh and becareful with your contraception.
Really as my granny would say mocking is catching and where there is a lot of talk about babies and pregnancy going on arround some one it can be they do turn up pregnant.

Beruthiel

silas wrote:

I can't speak for other guys but I hate feminists.

A feminist advocates social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. Most women these days expect that. I don't see what there is to hate there. I for one believe in equality for all.

esperanza wrote:

some men actually ignore everything a woman says

Some men, not all, in fact I think in this day and age, most men would not ignore what a woman has to say.
I would go as far as to say that your attitude needs some adjusting on how exactly you see men, there are many of them out there quite happy to be with a strong woman who knows her mind, I've personally met plenty of them.

As for people asking if you are going to have kids, all you have to say is you're not interested thanks.

esperanza

hunnymonster wrote:

Have you simply pointed out to all these people (Dr aside as he has to consider all possibilities) that you just don't want children. I'm mid-30's and I find more and more people are saying similar things to me. When I point out that it's just not something I want to do as I like my lifestyle just as it is, they are happy enough with the explaination and leave it be. The only time it required a longer cnversation was when my partner and I sat down to talk about what we wanted out of life. Luckily we feel the same way.

The doctor is female and not male!

Thaedydal wrote:

Oh and becareful with your contraception.
Really as my granny would say mocking is catching and where there is a lot of talk about babies and pregnancy going on arround some one it can be they do turn up pregnant.

eh, contraception? have never used it!

Donegal Lass

Seems to me that you are a little touchy about the subject. It's probably not so much that people are badgering you as you are taking what they say as some sort of insult to your right to chose? If you perhaps lightened up a little, maybe you would realise that people maybe arent dropping hints to you but rather just talking to you as they would anyone else?? This doesnt seem so much of a personal issue as it does a rant!!

esperanza

Beruthiel wrote:

A feminist advocates social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. Most women these days expect that. I don't see what there is to hate there. I for one believe in equality for all.



Some men, not all, in fact I think in this day and age, most men would not ignore what a woman has to say.
I would go as far as to say that your attitude needs some adjusting on how exactly you see men, there are many of them out there quite happy to be with a strong woman who knows her mind, I've personally met plenty of them.

As for people asking if you are going to have kids, all you have to say is you're not interested thanks.

yep, probably are men like that out there, just have to meet them yet i guess!

esperanza

Donegal Lass wrote:

Seems to me that you are a little touchy about the subject. It's probably not so much that people are badgering you as you are taking what they say as some sort of insult to your right to chose? If you perhaps lightened up a little, maybe you would realise that people maybe arent dropping hints to you but rather just talking to you as they would anyone else?? This doesnt seem so much of a personal issue as it does a rant!!

for me it is a personal issue, deep down i think people would like to SEE me pregnant coz i would look sexy or sth, it's hard to explain, i just thougt some of u may think likewise, but apparently not.

ANXIOUS

esperanza wrote:

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

I can see how they find you arrogant

Nevyn

contraception, methods to ensure you do not become pregnant if you are engaging in sex.

You sound pretty young esperanza, if I was only 20 or younger and not sexually active and had never had a relationship or a serious relationship I would be pissed off with people trying to wish babies on me when I had more of myself and life to explore.

If someone bring the topic up again tell them your not that concerned but you will have a talk about it with when you settle down with the right woman.

greenkittie

esperanza wrote:

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

Sounds like me. I would like to be more girlfriend type material personly but it just isnt happening.

Donegal Lass

esperanza wrote:

for me it is a personal issue, deep down i think people would like to SEE me pregnant coz i would look sexy or sth, it's hard to explain, i just thougt some of u may think likewise, but apparently not.

do you think that people see you as an object or something? I dont think you should worry about it so much! Its what people ask women in general- you are not being asked anything that hasnt been asked thousands of women before you!

Donegal Lass

Thaedydal wrote:

If someone bring the topic up again tell them your not that concerned but you will have a talk about it with when you settle down with the right woman.

ROFL!!

Zulu

esperanza wrote:

for me it is a personal issue, deep down i think people would like to SEE me pregnant coz i would look sexy or sth,

:rolleyes: you've got to be sh1tting me...

dr.bollocko

Im sorry but what the **** are you on about. I think you are confusing the valid platform of feminism with the ridiculous standpoint of "girlpower" and such nonsense. You know before destiny's child released Independent women, they released Bills bills bills.
Mwaha.

It isnt anything to do with making decisions in a relationship. And just because you dont go out with sexist men doesnt make you a feminist. It seems that a basic definition of feminism is badly needed here. You seem to be confusing terms like "feminist" and "bitch". I am not trying to personally attack, but whoah, I mean you couldn't be more off the mark.

You seem also to assume that feminism has something to do with hating men, and you have a stereotypical viewpoint of men as mostly "macho idiots", the only way you will tolerate a man in your life is if he is a doormat.
So, either you are a doormat or a feminist? Don't be ****ing ridiculous. It has nothing to do with a gender identity at all, and the misuse of terms like feminism in cases like this is the reason why gender equality is a smack your head against the wall issue that has been going backwards for 20 years.

Im sorry, but it is simply about equal rights for all. Not equality of the species, men and women are fundamentally different, but just because you are a feminist doesnt mean you cant clean your kitchen, or do some cooking, or you know what, let the man come up with something to do once in a while. You seem to feel that you are in fact superior to most men out there, which would in fact make you a sexist, and your opinions completely invalid.
And thank god we live in a world like that.

Nevyn

A femisnt is a woman that wants to make desicion for herself about her life.

It used to be a woman's father was in charge of her and then handed her over to her husband for him to be in charge of her.
Women who said they wanted to be in control of thier lives and not need a man's permission/protection to do what they wished with thier lives and feel they have the right to vote and make decisions in the country that they live in are feminists.

It has nothing to do with hating men or man bashing or putting men down.
Men are pretty wonderful thank the Gods for them.

Talliesin

esperanza wrote:

for me it is a personal issue, deep down i think people would like to SEE me pregnant coz i would look sexy or sth.

Lets remember that it is still the mainstream life path for heterosexual people to either have children at some point in their life, or to at least hold it as something that may be in their future.

Now, it's quite possible indeed that some people think you would look sexy pregnant. It's even quite possible that they are right. However most people who would think you look sexy pregnant would also think you look sexy not pregnant and pregnancy is a turn-off for some.

So to think you'd massively increase in sexiness they would have to actually be pregnancy fetishists. Such people do exist, but they aren't that common.

Let's take out Occam's razor again...

Is it more likely that:

1. The country's pregnancy fetishists are all somehow constellated amongst your friends, relatives, associates, doctors, etc.
2. People are making false assumptions based on what is a common lifestyle choice

?

Zulu

or 3: you are gloriously self-deluded ?

DublinWriter

esperanza wrote:

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

About ten years ago I was going out with an Aussie living here. I asked her what she thought about Irish women and she said that they were basically too timid or completely-over-the-top bossy ball breakers. There was no inbetween.

Shamefully, I would have to put my own down and agree with her. There's too many headgames at play with Irish women and Irish guys tend to be too spineless, stupid and ruled by the mickey to realise the half of what they are getting into.

Many of my mates have gotten married to bossy types because they felt that their options were limited and it was what they should do at their age.

I can see nearly all of them getting seperated divorced as they move into their 40's, and the sad thing is that there's kids involved now.

I think the OP is getting the same pressures, but from the opposite end of the stick.

esperanza

dr.bollocko wrote:

Im sorry but what the **** are you on about. I think you are confusing the valid platform of feminism with the ridiculous standpoint of "girlpower" and such nonsense. You know before destiny's child released Independent women, they released Bills bills bills.
Mwaha.

I've never described why I am a feminist and what exactly I understand by this, so stop jumping to conclusions, please.

dr.bollocko wrote:

It isnt anything to do with making decisions in a relationship. And just because you dont go out with sexist men doesnt make you a feminist. It seems that a basic definition of feminism is badly needed here. You seem to be confusing terms like "feminist" and "bitch". I am not trying to personally attack, but whoah, I mean you couldn't be more off the mark.

I am highly educated and have read widely on the subject of feminism, so please don't provide me with information on this topic.

dr.bollocko wrote:

You seem also to assume that feminism has something to do with hating men, and you have a stereotypical viewpoint of men as mostly "macho idiots", the only way you will tolerate a man in your life is if he is a doormat.

I never said I hated men, quite the opposite in fact. I love men, romance, making love and all that, what I DO NOT accept is that the woman should be seen as a lesser part in the relationship. She should have the right to speak her mind and do the same things her b/f/hubbie does, such as work f/t, earn as much or even more, not be the main householder (household tasks should be split 50/50 if there are no maids, etc.) For me this is feminism, having the same rights as men

dr.bollocko wrote:

Im sorry, but it is simply about equal rights for all. Not equality of the species, men and women are fundamentally different, but just because you are a feminist doesnt mean you cant clean your kitchen, or do some cooking, or you know what, let the man come up with something to do once in a while. You seem to feel that you are in fact superior to most men out there, which would in fact make you a sexist, and your opinions completely invalid.
And thank god we live in a world like that.

I couldn't agree more with equal rights! I am not a sexist, you really need to read more carefully and not jump to these silly conclusions.

For everyone else who can't read or understand my English, I love men, love and all that, but I find that men find me quite "masculine" ie. a little aggressive, powerful, controlling in a relationship. I'm not a monster or anything, but just a little too much for guys to handle in general. Perhaps, I'm a lesbian or something, I don't know.

JC 2K3

esperanza wrote:

a little too much for guys to handle

It's phrases like this that make you seem ignorant and full of yourself.

Nevyn

I disagree it can be hard to be a strong willed and opinionated woman who knows what she wants.

But being that does not make you a feminist or does it make you right when you make broad sweeping statements about men.

esperanza

JC 2K3 wrote:

It's phrases like this that make you seem ignorant and full of yourself.

I'm not full of myself at all, I'm just stating things how they are.

esperanza

Thaedydal wrote:

I disagree it can be hard to be a strong willed and opinionated woman who knows what she wants.

But being that does not make you a feminist or does it make you right when you make broad sweeping statements about men.

Well, I never said being strong willed and opinionated makes me a feminist anyway! I never used the words "strong willed" or "opinionated" anywhere in my posts!

BigCityBanker

(y) respect to OP.

Women who can make a decision like Esp are hard found. I must be the only person who hate the "soft" woman who say "i dunno, you decide" :mad: If you can make decisions like you say you can then your a rare breed (y)

JC 2K3

esperanza wrote:

PS: I am attractive, and could easily find a b/f if I wanted too, but all men find me too bossy and arrogant, which rules out r/ships for me.

Full of yourself.

Maybe a guy who wouldn't go for you based on your looks alone, ie. one you wouldn't have to just smile and look pretty to get would treat you better. Youu seem to think that "getting a boyfriend" is a simple thing....

Nevyn

esperanza you got several good answers to your orginal question and I am locking this now and it is going arround in circles.
IF you want to start a new thread about your other issues feel free.